The fear inside...

A good day turned quickly as the words were said.  I knew it would eventually come, but I hadn't planned on hearing it any time soon.  I guess, in all reality, that it's not so bad.  I mean, it could be a lot worse.  We've been together for so long and been through so much already.  I don't want to go back, I don't want to do it all over again.  My mind and heart are finally at ease and I don't think I can go through it again. 
I think I may be slightly overreacting.  I don't know if it's such a big deal, but it feels that way.  This is how it usually started.  He wants to go out more, spend time with his friends.  I mean, that should be alright, right?  I shouldn't be worried about "us", but I am.  I have this tightening feeling in my stomach, FEAR!  I know he's changed so much in the past few years.  I know he would never do it again, but I can't help but wonder and worry.  After all he put me through, I stayed.  I feel as though that should have been enough to prove to him that I really do LOVE HIM!  He's the only man for me and I really hope he knows that by now. 
I realize I've changed a lot in the past few years, especially after having our son.  I know I've gained weight.  I realize that I can be rather controlling at times.  I just don't want to go through it all again.  The lying, the cheating, the staying out all night; I could live the rest of my life without it.  Yet, this is how it usually starts.  I don't know how to tell him.  Trust me, I've tried, but I get stuck.  Tongue-tied, as it's said.  I can't seem to explain it right.  I don't want to get hurt again.  I want things to stay the way they are.  I want US  to stay the way we are.  I'm so baffled right now, I don't know how to express myself this time, so I'm stuck!