a child abused becomes a woman

this story you are about to read is my story but it is shared by many others.I was born to a 16 year old mother,I was one of a set of twins.My dad decided he did ot want to be a father so he deserted us.My twin passed away at birth leaving my mom saddened but in a way feeling it was for the best.My mom worked a full and a part time job to keep me.With help from my grandparents she succeeded in raising me.When i turned 2 my mom decided to go out to california to try and get better jobs as ct was not doing so well in the job market at the time.We lasted a year out there and had to come back to ct.Mom met a man who she thought was her true love.after 2 months we moved in with him.She got pregnant and had a boy.When she was 6 months along he got into drinking and got violent.I was about 4 years old and this man started abusing me and forcing me to perform oral sex on him.My brother was a cranky kid with colic and one night he took my brother who was 5 months old at the time and threw him across the room,hitting his head on the door edging.This wound up retarding my brother.My mom took us and left him.we moved in with grandma and while we were there my brother killed a kitten,the neighbors called the police.He was checked out by docters and he was removed from us and put in an institution.My grandparents were financially in trouble so mom was desperate and got involved with someone else.We moved in with him,and they were married 4 months after meeting.He turned out to be a beater and a drinker.me and my mom were abused every day.my mom had 2 children with him and she stayed with him because she was afraid to leave.She had developed the abused womans syndrome which is you feel you do not deserve better and you ask for what you got.Plus the fear that he will kill you or the kids if you try to leave,which you believe will happen.My mom worked and took tranquilizers to sleep.This guy abused me in every way.He raped me when i was 9,then started selling me off for money.I have been cut,burned,beaten,sold,and any other form of torture you can imagine.I married at 15 to escape him.I wound up helping my mom and 2 sisters escape him as well.The only problem is,i wound up following the abuse cycle that tends to start when you are raised with it.Every man i wound up with turned out to be abusive.I have post traumatic stress disorder,panic disorder,depression,and many physical problems because of the abuse i suffered growing up.Now i am 47 and i have cancer and kidney problems.I have had numerous surgeries and face many more just to try and repair all the damage done to me.I have had lifelong counseling to help me mindwise but the nightmares continue every night.My husband passed away not long ago,he was the first that did not abuse me physically just mentally and emotionally.Now i have lost my job and am unable to work,i have tried to get state and social security help and have been denied all but foodstamps and medical.I do not have one problem healthwise but many and social security will not accept that as disabled.I have borrowed all i can to hang on so far but i am now out of time,with winter coming i am facing being on the streets which i will not survive.My warning to all of you is abuse is wrong,no one deserves it.No one has the right to abuse anyone.If you are in an abusive situation,get out of it.!!!!!!!!! You can get away or better yet really get to know that person,talk to his or her exes,family and friends,if something is wrong get away do not even start it.You cannot change them no matter how much you love them.They have to want to change and if they love you they will get the help.as i said no one deserves to be abused no matter what!My life was destroyed and now i am in trouble with no miracle in sight.My life would not be this way if i was not abused like i was.GOD was the only reason i survived.Men abused me but thanks to God they did not kill my spirit.I pray your life does not get destroyed like mine did.I pray that you will not be like me,suffering,lost childhood and dreams,47 and facing life on the streets and no human angel to help you keep the roof over your head so you do not die on the streets,suffering lifelong poain mentally,physically and emotionally,always afraid and not being able to escape it even in your sleep.I pray you do not let this happen to you or your children.