I Have Something to Tell You

I Have Something To Tell You

David was at a restaurant sitting by himself at an outdoor table. It was on the Caribbean island of Barbados. He was sipping on his second cup of coffee served by a beautiful young waitress. There was a gorgeous view of the bay, and it was a wonderful day. He was excited by the prospect of meeting with his twenty-six year old son, Mike. He had not seen Mike, or any of his children, for over eight months. Mike was on a cruise with his girlfriend that brought them to Barbados. The three of them were going to meet for lunch, then spend the afternoon together.

David lived and worked in a hotel located at the southern end of Barbados. He left the hotel early that morning to make sure that he would arrive at the restaurant well ahead of the time that he and Mike had agreed to meet. He actually arrived even earlier than he had expected to, so now he had more than an hour to while away by himself. Under the circumstances, it was natural for David to reminisce about the past while he was waiting for Mike. He couldn't resist thinking about the events which had brought him to Barbados, and which had radically changed his life.

It seemed to David that the real beginning of his journey to this place had occurred three years earlier. That was when the woman who had been his wife for more than half of his life was tragically killed in a car accident. She had not been a person who liked to travel, and had never even considered moving anywhere. Except for occasional short trips, she had spent her entire life within twenty miles of her birthplace. If she were still alive, David certainly would not be living in Barbados today.

After his wife died, David was overwhelmed by the support that he received from family, friends, and neighbors. So many kindnesses that even now he became a little emotional thinking about those wonderful people. And, of course, that was especially true when he thought of Gloria.

Gloria had been a friend for over ten years, at that time. She and David had been co-workers for most of that time, until he left the company where they had worked. They had become quite close, in their way. Since she was eleven years younger than David, he thought of her as the little sister he had never had. He had given her advice over the years, most of it probably bad he thought now, on everything from buying cars, to her love life.

He had always been amazed that Gloria had never found Mr. Right. She was very pretty, she had a wonderful personality, a great sense of humor...just the type of woman that most men would be extremely lucky to have. And yet she never got married. She wanted to get married. She had wanted to have a family since she was twenty or so. She had had a series of relationships with men that each lasted several years, but none of them ever led to marriage.

When David's wife died, Gloria showed what a special friend she was. She did anything she could think of to help, and all without being asked. She would bring food that she had cooked for David and his high school aged daughter, Sara. She would come when no one else was even there and clean the house, do laundry, things like that. David remembered being embarrassed when he came home to find Gloria cleaning his refrigerator. He remembered the Mona Lisa smile she had given him when he told her not to bother, that he and Sara could clean their own pig sties.

And David was touched when he remembered how Gloria had gone out of her way to befriend Sara. God knows David had felt lost and incompetent at being both father and mother to his teenage daughter. Gloria helped to fill a huge hole in Sara's life. If David had had no other reason to love Gloria, this would have been enough. But that was just one of countless reasons to love her, as it turned out.

David remembered the day Sara had left home to go to college. He had to be careful with this memory, it was one of those few that could bring him to tears. David had said good bye to his daughter early on that Saturday afternoon. He had succeeded in putting up a brave front, pretending that he was not in agony that Sara was leaving. But after she left, the facade crumbled. At first he tried to fight the tears, but they were unstoppable. Alone in his house, really alone for the first time in his life, he felt empty and hopeless. He could not feel any reason for his life to even continue.

And then the doorbell rang. Oh God, I can't let anyone see me like this, was David's reaction. He quickly splashed water on his face and dried it with a towel. He combed his hair and went to the door, and opened it. There was Gloria, wearing her waitress uniform, and smiling. The smile immediately turned to a look of concern when she saw David's face.

"What's wrong?" she asked compassionately.

"Nothing. I was just sleeping," David lied. Gloria looked at him as though she was not convinced.

"I see you're working at the restaurant tonight" he said, anxious to change the subject.

She was still studying his face. "Yes, unfortunately. I told them I could work a couple of times a week for awhile. They're short-handed right now. I wish I didn't have to work, we could do something. What are you doing tonight?"

"I don't have any plans. I'll probably just stay home." Then jokingly he added "Or maybe I'll go drink myself into a coma". He regretted saying that before the words were even out of his mouth.

"Don't you dare," she said in a serious tone.

"Take it easy, I was just kidding. You know I don't drink that much."

"Not usually," she said, "but I'm worried about you tonight. Promise me you'll behave yourself."

"Okay, Mom".

Gloria left for work with a guilty look on her face, as though she felt that she was abandoning a sinking ship. David felt better while he was talking to her, but as soon as she left, the lonely and hopeless feelings began to return. He walked around the house, looking at each empty, maddeningly quiet room. “You know,” he said aloud, “being in a coma doesn't sound that bad, now that I think of it.” He went to his car and drove to a hotel lounge where he had once worked as a bartender part-time. Hopefully there would be someone there that he knew.

When he walked into the bar, he was immediately disappointed. There were only a few people there, and he didn't know any of them. Even the bartender was new since the last time he had been there. But he could think of nothing else to do, so he walked to the bar and sat down.

Something possessed him to order a martini. He had made many martinis in his life, when he had worked as a bartender, but he couldn't remember ever drinking even one. When the bartender brought him his very first martini, he drank it quickly. He didn't like it, not at all. None the less, he ordered another one. He drank it just as quickly as he had the first, and he didn't like it either. He ordered one more, and drank it a little more slowly. It was becoming clear that he simply was not a martini man. But at least he could tell he was getting closer to the coma that had become his goal. He ordered his fourth martini, and he could see that the bartender was a little uncomfortable about serving it to him. That was understandable, David had only been in the bar for about thirty minutes.

When the bartender brought this latest martini, David asked him, “did I mention shaken, not stirred?”

The bartender smiled. “No Mr. Bond, I think you forgot to mention that.”

“Good,” David said, making no sense to the bartender. Then David turned his attention to his fourth martini and examined it carefully. He knew that it was different from the previous three. The others he had conquered, this one he probably would not. But at least it was interesting to look at. Light sparkling on the ice, the submerged olive. As he pondered the beauty of his glass and its shining contents, a sharp voice came from behind him.

"Okay mister, what are you doing?" David turned his head and saw that it was Gloria. She looked perturbed. Even so, to David she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He turned toward her on his barstool.

"There is a perfectly good explanation for what I am doing," he said. He couldn't help smiling at her, it was a new universe now that she was there. He spoke very carefully, trying hard not to slur his words. "I once saw a movie in which one of the characters said he had been drinking tee many martoonis. I just wanted to be say that . . . I mean, be able to say that, one time in my life."

"Oh, yeah. That's a real good reason for getting drunk," she said with a motherly sarcasm. "Did you drive here?"

"What are you doing here, anyway?" he said, changing the subject. " I thought you had to work tonight."

"I got out of it," she said, all sternness now gone from her voice. "I went to your house, and you weren't there, so I came here. By the way, I seem to remember that you promised you would behave tonight." She looked at him accusingly.

"Oh, no. I don't think I promised. I probably used the magic word. I always use the magic word when I promise to behave." He was feeling silly now.

"The magic word? What is the magic word?"

"Maybe," he said.

"Maybe," she echoed. "The magic word is maybe? So you think you said maybe you would behave tonight?"

"Yes, I'm sure of it. I must have. I always use the magic word when I say I’m going to behave. It's a kind of insurance."

Gloria laughed. "Okay, smarty-pants. But I think I better drive you home."

While Gloria drove, David sat in the front seat of her car and gazed at her. She was beautiful. He had always been able to see that she was beautiful, but it wasn't until recently that he could feel that she was beautiful. She would be beautiful no matter what she looked like.

He hungered to reach out and touch her. Her hand, her arm, her face. Any part of her, just to make contact. But for all the years he had known her, touching was taboo. In the beginning he had been happily married, and after all, he thought of her as the little sister he had never had. So, as much as he wanted to touch her now, he simply gazed at her.

She must have felt him looking at her. She turned her head and smiled at him warmly. "Do you want to stop and get some videos to watch tonight?" she asked.

His pulse quickened at the suggestion. What a wonderful idea! She'll stay for hours if we're watching videos, he thought. "Good idea," he answered as nonchalantly as he could. He didn't want to seem anxious.

David insisted that Gloria pick out the videos. "For years now, I've watched mostly movies that you recommended. I like the ones you suggest, so you pick them. You would probably hate what I would pick out."

"Don't be silly," she said. "You pick one, and I'll pick one."

"Okay, if you insist. Do you think they have Debbie Does Dallas here?" he pretended to be serious.

She turned quickly, and stared at him in disbelief, her mouth open slightly.

"I suppose you've already seen it," he said, an involuntary smile betraying him.

"You know what," she said "I think I will pick the movies."

"Good. I could watch you choose movies for hours," he said, flirting with her.

He loved being in the store with Gloria. It was the kind of thing that couples do together. As simple as it was, it still burned a strong impression into his memory. He would never forget this little visit to the video store.

From that time on, David and Gloria spent almost every evening together. At first, David seldom asked Gloria to see him. He was very concerned about her feeling obligated to spend time with him. He wanted her to be with him because she wanted to be, not because she felt sorry for him. Thankfully, she didn't have to be asked. She either made it clear the day before that she was coming over, or she asked him to come to her apartment. She always seemed to have some kind of a plan, something that they could do together.

They spent some nights at home, but they did many other things together. They went to a lot of movies, a couple of plays at the university, concerts in the park. They often played golf, went swimming, or bowling. Gloria even got David to go roller blading with her, something she had been doing for years. David was an awkward roller blader at first, but he gradually got better. During volleyball season, David would go watch Gloria play with her volleyball team. They would usually go out for a couple of drinks afterward.

They were seen together so often that some people began to assume that they were a couple. David was aware of that. People had made comments to him about it. He always had to tell them that he and Gloria were just good friends. He hated having to say that. He knew that Gloria had overheard him tell people that more than once.

David could only wish that they really were a couple. He still rarely touched Gloria, though he was always alert for some excuse. He would casually touch her shoulder, or brush up against her. What would she think if she knew how badly he wanted to hold her, and how he dreamed of kissing her? Would it scare her off? Would he lose his best friend?

One day while Gloria was washing some dishes at her apartment, she suddenly cried out in pain. David quickly asked her what happened. "I just poked my finger on something," she replied. David pounced on this opportunity. "Let me see," he said. Gloria gave him her hand, and he held it much longer than necessary. He examined it carefully, and saw no wound of any kind. "You may need surgery," he said. His heart was pounding, and he fought a powerful urge to hold her to his chest. He kissed her hand, and turned quickly so she wouldn't see his face.

At just this point in David's reminiscing, his waitress interrupted him. "Can I get you anything?" she asked. David looked up, barely registering that she was there. In his mind he was no longer in Barbados. "No, thank you. Just the coffee is fine, thanks," he said. He returned to his memories.

He remembered one Friday evening. David had been in an ecstatic mood. His daughter Sara, who he hadn't seen in months, was coming home for a week. She would arrive the next morning. Gloria was coming over to watch a movie when she was done working at the restaurant, but she was a little later than expected. She walked into the house at around ten o'clock, and David greeted her enthusiastically. "You know, in less than twelve hours Sara will be here," he said happily.

Gloria could only manage a weak smile. "Yes, that's wonderful. I know how much you've missed her." She was obviously nervous about something. David stopped smiling.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

Gloria hesitated. "I have something to tell you. I'm not sure how you're going to like it," she said.

An ominous feeling came over David. "What is it?" he asked in a controlled voice.

"There's a man that I've known for a while that was at the restaurant tonight." She was looking at the floor. "He has been asking me to go out with him for months. I would never do it because his divorce wasn't final. But now it is final, and he asked me out again." She looked up briefly to see David's reaction so far, then she looked at the floor again. "I told him I would go out with him tomorrow." She was done talking, she slowly looked up at David.

This had taken David completely by surprise. He had no idea what to say. He took a deep breath and blew the air from his lungs. 'Well," he finally said lamely, "I'll miss you. I hope you have a good time."

It was obvious that he was very unhappy about this. Gloria said " you don't want me to go, do you? I'll cancel if you want me to."

It was now David's turn to look at the floor. When he looked up he said, "I want you to do what is best for you." He was telling the truth. As much as he wanted Gloria, it was most important to him that she be happy. She deserved the life she wanted. A husband closer to her own age than the eleven years which separated her and David. And children. David loved the idea of starting another family with Gloria, but he had to admit it might not be very practical. He was already forty-seven years old. After a pause, David continued speaking, softy and calmly, "You don't owe me anything, Gloria. . .you've been nothing less than an angel to me. I don't want you to sacrifice your own happiness to take care of me. That wouldn't make either of us happy. Just decide for yourself what to do. You don't need my permission."

Neither of them said any more on the subject.

They watched the video together that night as they had planned. They talked much less than usual. A somber mood clung to the room like a thick fog.

The next morning, Sara arrived home as expected. She hurriedly did her unpacking and kissed David on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight, Dad. You can take me out to eat at a nice restaurant. Hey, we could go where Gloria works. She could wait on us, and you could leave her a huge tip."

"Gloria isn't working tonight," David told her.

"Better yet," Sara said. "All three of us can do something together."

"Why don't we talk about that when you get back?" David said. He didn't want to tell Sara about Gloria going out with another man. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want it to be true.

"Okay. See ya later." She hurried off to see some friends that she hadn't seen since she had left for school.

That left David to fend for himself for the afternoon. He thought about calling Gloria just to talk to her, but that idea didn't feel right. He thought he might feel better if he did something productive. He considered various projects he could busy himself with around the house, and decided to do some painting. First he would have to go to his favorite store, a large home and garden center, to buy some paint.

David drove to the store, and made his way to the paint department. He was reading the label on a can of paint he was considering when he heard someone behind him. "Hello, stranger!" David turned to see Gloria's sister, Cindy, smiling at him.

David had known Cindy for as many years as he had known Gloria. He liked her, and her husband Dan, very much. "Hi, Cindy. It's nice to see you. Is Dan here with you?" David asked.

"No, he's home doing some painting. He sent me here to pick up some more paint," Cindy answered. She looked at him with a sympathetic expression. "So, how are you doing today?"

"I'm doing fine, Cindy. Why do you ask?" David was curious about her look of sympathy.

"I know all about Gloria spending the day with Matt," Cindy replied softly.

So Gloria was spending the whole day with him, David thought. Learning this increased the feeling of dismay that he had been carrying with him. And his name was Matt. He would have liked Cindy to tell him what she knew about Matt, but he didn't want to come right out and ask her.

"Gloria doesn't have to waste all her time babysitting me," David said with a forced smile.

Cindy saw right through his act. "I know how you feel about Gloria, David. You don't have to try to hide anything from me."

David was surprised by this statement. He had never discussed his feelings about Gloria with anyone, including Cindy. He stood there dumbfounded for a few long, awkward seconds. He didn't know what to say. Finally, Cindy solved this problem for him by continuing to talk herself.

"You know," she said, "Gloria has known Matt for quite awhile, about a year I think. He does something with computers, I guess he's real successful. He comes to town on business and stays at a hotel now and then. When he's in town, he always goes to the restaurant and has Gloria wait on him. They've never actually gone out before, but he would wait for her to finish work, and they would go to a coffee shop and talk. I assumed you would want to know things like that. Gloria told me about last night. She said she didn't tell you anything about Matt."

"Gloria told you about our conversation last night?" David asked, a little disturbed by the idea.

"Yes, Dear," Cindy answered. Cindy had never called him "Dear" before. It gave David a warm feeling toward her. "You would probably be surprised the things she tells me. But don't worry about it. I'm on your side. I think Gloria is very lucky to have a great guy like you in love with her."

"In love with her," David repeated slowly. "You think I'm in love with Gloria?"

"Of course," Cindy replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "You don't think I buy all that stuff about you two just being good friends, do you. And Gloria loves you too, she just hasn't accepted it yet."

David couldn't stop a small smile from coming to his face. "Cindy," he said, "I don't know where you get some of your ideas. Maybe you watch too much TV."

Cindy's face turned serious. "You just hang in there David," she said as though she were his coach. "I know this is hard on you, but she'll figure out how she feels about you. When she does, she'll be all yours. So you be patient. She's worth waiting for." Then she hugged him, which she had never done before, and said, "I've got to go now, but I'll be thinking about you. If there is anything I can do to help make this easier for you, you call me. Dan feels the same way."

"Dan," David said in shock. "What does your husband know about all this?"

"Pretty much everything," Cindy replied. "Actually, there are quite a few people who know. We're just waiting for you and Gloria to figure it out."

"Well, there's good news," David said in solemn sarcasm.

Late that afternoon, Sara came home expecting to go out with her dad and Gloria. David had no choice but to tell her that Gloria was with another man tonight. "Ohhh, Dad," Sara said sympathetically. "I'm sorry. I know how much Gloria means to you."

"You know what?" David said, "you're the second person today that told me that."

"It's no big secret Dad, lots of people know it."

It was a good thing Sara was home. She and David spent some time together that evening. They went out for pizza, then they went bowling. When they came back to the house, Sara settled down to do some reading. David tried to watch television, but he couldn't concentrate on it. His thoughts were all about Gloria. He wondered what she and Matt were doing, and of course, he imagined the worst. He wondered if this was the beginning of the end, was he going to lose the precious friendship he had with Gloria? If she became serious with Matt . . .

The next day moved with agonizing slowness for David. After a restless night of bad dreams and little sleep, he got out of bed early. By mid-morning, Sara was off with her friends again, and David was alone He promised himself that he wouldn't call Gloria that day, but he hoped that she would call him. It was Sunday, and he spent most of the day around home, but she didn't call. When he did go away for awhile, the first thing he did when he came back was check his answering machine. There were no messages.

By late afternoon David had lost his resolve not to call Gloria. He dialed her number, and listened to her phone ring. She didn't have an answering machine, so the phone rang relentlessly, and agonizingly. Gloria did not answer. He tried several more times that day, but the results were always the same. In near despair, David knew that she was spending another day with Matt. Tomorrow he must stand by his resolve not to call her!

On Monday, David found the strength he had lacked on Sunday. He did not call Gloria at all that day. Of course, it helped immensely that he had worked for more than twelve hours that day. He didn't get home from work until eight o'clock, and he was near exhaustion. He hadn't had a good night's sleep since the previous Wednesday. He felt sure that he would at least finally sleep. He was just too tired to think about Gloria anymore. He took a shower, and went to bed. He was asleep almost immediately.

David's sleep was soon disturbed, though. He awoke to Sara gently shaking him and saying; "Dad, wake up, wake up."

David, still half asleep, looked up at Sara. "What?" he said.

"Gloria's on the phone. I didn't tell her you were asleep. I thought you would want to talk to her."

This news woke David up quickly. He got up immediately, adrenaline speeding his reactions, and went to the phone. "Hello," he said.

"Hi. I hope Sara didn't wake you up," Gloria said.

"That's okay, I'm glad she did," David replied.

"I waited all night for you to call me. I finally gave up and figured I better call you," Gloria said.

"I just got home a little while ago," David explained. "I was really tired."

"Oh, I'm sorry I woke you. I just have to ask you one thing, then you can go back to bed, okay?"

"Sure, what do you want to know?" David asked.

"Will you come to volleyball tomorrow night? I really want to see you." Gloria said.

"Sure, what time do you play?" David asked.

"Seven o'clock. If you can't get there that early, that's okay, but come anyway, okay?"
Gloria said.

"I'll be there," David answered.

"Good boy," Gloria said with a smile in her voice. "Now, go back to sleep."

David melted at the affection in her voice, and chuckled lightly. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow night." They said good bye and hung up.

David stared at the phone. He was cheered by the tone of Gloria's voice, and the fact that she wanted to see him. He felt sure that this call had been a good sign. He went back to bed, and thought about Gloria for some time before sleep overcame him.

David spent the next day anxiously waiting for evening to come. He normally did his job without concern for when the end of the day would come, but that definitely was not the case on this anxious day. He had trouble concentrating on his work. He looked at his watch frequently. David knew that he should be more cautious about his expectations for that night, but he couldn't seem to control himself. Gloria had said that she wanted to see him, and God knew that he wanted to see her.

The time finally came. David found himself sitting on a bench watching Gloria play volleyball. The game had already started before he got there, so Gloria didn't see him arrive. Her sister Cindy saw him first. She yelled at Gloria to get her attention, then she pointed at David. When Gloria saw David, she smiled what he thought must be the most beautiful smile that he had ever seen.

At the first opportunity, Gloria ran over to David. She hugged him, something she had not done since around the time his wife had died. "I'm so glad to see you," she said breathlessly. "Thanks for coming."

"I'm glad to see you, too," David said. He was a little overwhelmed by Gloria's greeting.

"When we're done here, we're all going over to the hotel lounge for awhile. You'll come, won't you?" Gloria pleaded.

"Sure," David replied. "I wouldn't miss it."

Gloria ran back to her volleyball game. David felt very good. Either Gloria deserved an academy award for her performance tonight, or she was very glad to see him.

Later, Gloria rode to the hotel with David in his car. They didn't talk about anything serious. "You're not going to drink tee many martoonis tonight are you?" Gloria asked. She liked to bring that up every now and then.

"Nah. Tee many Captain and Cokes, maybe," he replied.

There were a surprising number of people at the lounge for a Tuesday night. David knew most of them. Most of the players on Gloria's team were there, including Cindy and her husband, Dan. There was a disc jockey playing music and joking around. It was a very pleasant atmosphere. There were lively conversations, and laughter. Some people were playing pool, or darts. David noticed that the bartender's tip jar was reasonably full. As he recalled from his own years as a part-time bartender, that was rare on Tuesday nights.

David and Gloria were sitting at a large table with her sister and brother-in-law, and a few other people. Gloria was unusually quiet. After a while, Gloria whispered to David, "can we go sit over there?" She pointed to a lonely table in the far corner of the bar. "I need to talk to you."

This seemed unusual to David, and it worried him. "Sure," he answered.

As they walked to the other table, David had a slight case of butterflies in his stomach. They sat down, and Gloria looked nervous. "I have to ask you something," she said.

"What," David asked.

"This might sound a little strange," she said nervously. "I've never asked anyone this in my life. But I have to know."

David wasn't sure he wanted to hear what she was going to ask. By the way she was acting it must be very important to her. That scared him. "Go ahead and ask me, Gloria," he said after a pause.

"I need to know how you feel about me, David," she said with emotion. "I need to know what you want from me. . .what I mean to you. I suppose I should know, but I'm having trouble figuring it out."

Now David knew he had been right to be afraid of what she was going to ask him. How should he answer this question? If he told her the truth about his feelings for her, she might shy away from him, not wanting to lead him on any farther. If he didn't tell the truth, it could push her further into Matt's arms.

As uneasy as he was about it, David knew what he had to do. Gloria had asked him a question that had obviously been very difficult for her to ask. She expected an honest answer. She deserved an honest answer. Whether David liked it or not, he was going to tell her the truth.

After a long pause, David said seriously, "that question is a lot harder for me to answer than you might think, Gloria. I'll give you the answer, but I need you to help me."

"How?" Gloria asked, obviously puzzled..

"First," David said, "I just want to say what I have to say without being interrupted. So don't say anything until I'm done, okay?"

"Okay," Gloria said.

"And there are two more things that kind of go together," David continued. "I don't want you to look at me while I'm telling you, it would make me too nervous. And," this was the hard one for David to say, "I want to hold you while I'm telling you." David had ached to hold her for so long, and he feared this would be his last chance. He had to go for it.

Gloria reached out and put her hand on his. "Okay," she said compassionately.

David moved his chair so that he could hold Gloria. He put his arms around her, and pulled her to him. He touched his head against hers in a position to talk into her ear. Gloria wrapped her arms around his neck. It was a bit awkward, but David had never been nearer to heaven.

From across the room Cindy was watching Gloria and David. She hadn't taken her eyes off of them since they had moved to the corner table. When she saw them embrace, she mumbled excitedly, but quietly, to herself, "this is good, this is good, this is good!"

David was in no hurry to say what he had to say. He just held Gloria, cherishing the experience. He wondered if this would be the last time he ever held her.

Finally Gloria asked, "Are you going to tell me?"

David squeezed her a little more tightly. "I'll try," he answered. There was another pause, and then he started talking. "You asked me how I feel about you, and what I want from you," his voice was tense. "I think you already know that you're my best friend. I want you to always be my best friend." David was having a hard time with this. His lips quivered slightly when he spoke, and his heart was racing. "But I want you to be much more than just my best friend," David continued. "I want you for my lover, and my wife. I want you for the mother of any more children I might be lucky enough to have. I want every ounce of you, and every inch of you. I want you to love me a tenth as much as I love you, Gloria . . . I love you so much I can hardly stand it."

Gloria was squeezing his neck tightly, and pressing her body into his. She said nothing, but turned her head and kissed him on the cheek. She kissed him again and again, each kiss moving closer to his mouth. Then there lips met for the first time. They shared a long, soft, blissful kiss. It was followed by many more. David felt that he really was in heaven. It seemed that there was no one else in the universe, just the two of them. There was nothing else.

Across the room, Cindy had never stopped watching every move that Gloria and David made. When she saw them kiss, she could no longer contain her excitement. She stood up from her chair and cried, "yes, yes, yes!"

Everyone who was near Cindy was startled by her outburst. They saw that she was staring at something, so they looked to see what had gotten her so excited. They saw that Gloria and David were kissing. Since almost everyone present knew them, it brought smiles to many faces. They spread the word, and soon, almost everyone in the bar was watching them.

It took only seconds for the disk jockey to sense that something was going on. He looked to see what everyone was looking at, and he saw David and Gloria at the corner table kissing. There was nothing unusual about couples doing that in the bar, especially at that corner table. But this time it was different. It had gotten a lot of attention, and he wanted to join in. He said into his microphone, "someone should tell that couple at the corner table that this is a hotel, and there are rooms available."

David and Gloria were completely impervious to what was going on away from their table. Everyone in the bar, bartender included, was watching them. Some were smiling, some were laughing, some were just watching. The disk jockey said into his microphone, "bartender, when that wonderful couple finally pulls themselves apart, please buy them a drink on me."

At this point Gloria pulled away from David, and slowly began to recognize what was going on. "Oh, my god," she said slowly.

David looked around and saw everyone looking at them. "Oh, my God," he said slowly.

They were both feeling very helpless when Cindy came to the rescue. She ran up to them excitedly and put her arms around them both. "I'm so happy for you guys. It's about time. I love you guys," she said, crying with joy.

Having a third party enter the picture diffused the situation. The bar patrons went back to what they had been doing. David and Gloria quietly left the bar.

After that night it seemed to David that his dreams had come true. Gloria was still his best friend, but now there was much more. Their relationship had blossomed into the romance that he had hungered for. There were many hugs and kisses, and a closeness between them that he couldn't remember ever feeling with anyone else in his life. He had never been happier.

There was just one thing about their relationship that concerned David. Every day he would tell Gloria that he loved her. When he did, she would never say anything. She would respond by kissing him, or hugging him affectionately. It was clear to David that she was not ready to tell him that she loved him, too. He would just have to be patient. He felt that time was on his side.

Then came the night that David would again be turned upside down emotionally. It was just three weeks to the day after he had confessed his love for Gloria. She came to his house that evening after playing volleyball. As soon as he saw her walk into his living room, he knew he was about to receive some bad news. Her face and her posture were shouting to him without her saying a word. Gloria wordlessly sat beside him on the couch. She kissed him lovingly several times. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and said nothing.

David knew that something important was coming next, but he had no idea what it was. Finally, he could wait no longer for her to speak. "Honey, is something bothering you?" he asked tenderly.

She still didn't say anything, she just nodded. David could not see her face, but he could feel her tension. He was worried about her. He wanted to help her. He stroked her hair gently. "What's wrong," he asked.

"I have something to tell you," she said. Her voice was low and serious.

The seriousness in her voice alarmed David. He thought maybe she was about to tell him that someone they knew had died.

"I know this is going to hurt you, and that's the last thing I want to do," she said as she squeezed David's neck tightly. "There's something I have to do."

David waited for her to tell him what she had to do, but she had stopped talking again. He had a familiar feeling of dread. He knew he didn't want to hear what she would say next. He rested his head on her arm, which was still squeezing his neck, and waited for the worst.

After what seemed an eternity, Gloria finally dropped the bomb. "I'm going out with Matt the next couple of nights,' she said.

After the way things had been between him and Gloria for the last tthree weeks, David could never have expected to hear those words. He was in shock.

For the next three days and two nights, David was in hell. He didn't see Gloria or talk to her during that time. He thought of her constantly. He missed her. He longed to see her, and to hear her voice, and to touch her. He prayed that after she had seen Matt this time, that she would know what she needed to know. That she would know that she didn't need to see Matt anymore. But he feared deep within himself that that would not be the case. He feared that she would choose Matt. He feared that he had already lost his precious Gloria.

Friday evening finally came. Gloria had to work at the restaurant first, but she would come to David's house afterward. David stayed home and waited for her. He didn't want to take the chance that she might get done working early and come to his house while he was off somewhere. The television was on, but David didn't even attempt to watch it most of the time. He was very worried about the way things would go when Gloria finally arrived. Would she be cold and distant, beginning the process of slowly ending their relationship? Maybe she would just tell him straight out that things had to be different, that things were getting serious with Matt.

David heard Gloria's car pull into his driveway. He considered going outside to greet her, but he decided to wait for her to come to him in the living room. He felt like his heart was fluttering, and he couldn‘t breathe. What would he see when Gloria walked into the room? Would it be his cherished friend who gently held his heart in her hands? Or would it be a new Gloria that would keep a distance between them?

David heard Gloria come through the door into the kitchen. His heart was pounding. He heard her footsteps coming in his direction, almost as though they were in slow motion. Finally, she appeared in the doorway. She looked at David, and hesitated for just a second. Her face suddenly lit up into a radiant smile. She walked quickly up to David and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him fervently several times, and then said into his ear, "I've missed you so much." She kissed him on the cheek, then held him tightly.

David's emotional roller coaster rocketed to the top. In fact, it seemed to reach a plateau where it would stay for the next few weeks. He was again very happy. He was not as complacent now, though. He never talked to Gloria about her relationship with Matt, but he would not again assume that it was over. Not until Gloria either came right out and said so, or until she told David that she loved him. Only then would he believe that the threat of losing Gloria had passed.

Unfortunately, roller coasters don't stay at the top forever. It happened again. Matt came to town, and for a few days David did not see Gloria. He relived the same hell that he had gone through the previous time. And when it was over, Gloria came back to David and seemed to be just as happy to be back as David was to have her back. It was a near perfect copy of the events that had occurred the last time that Matt had come to town. And it was part of a pattern that was developing. The same thing happened two more times over the next five or six weeks.

It did not get any easier for David. It was not a situation he was able to adjust to. Every time Matt came to town, David was subjected to what he thought were the depths of hell. He didn't imagine that anything short of the death of someone he loved could be any harder on him emotionally. He was to learn differently.

With no special warning, there came the night that would change David's life. It was a Friday night. Gloria came to David's house after working at the restaurant. David was sitting in his living room when Gloria arrived. As soon as he saw her, the torment began. He could tell from looking at her that she was about to see Matt again. Here we go, he thought, another eternity in hell.

Gloria held David, and started telling him in the usual way, "I have something to tell you." She was very nervous, as she always was when this came up. But after that first sentence, the words were different than they had been the other times. "I'm going on vacation for a week. I'm leaving in the morning. I didn't want to tell you sooner because I knew you would just worry about it that much longer."

For David this news was sinking in slowly. "You're going on vacation with Matt?" he asked.

"Yes," Gloria answered. She sounded ashamed.

This news brought David a new combination of powerful emotions that he had never felt in his life. Vacation! That meant that Gloria would be spending every night with Matt. All night! It confirmed his fears, questions that he had only speculated on before, but still had hope that they were not true. Now there was no hope.

David's first sentence was still sane. "I just can't do this anymore, Gloria." Hearing his own words, in his quivering voice, set off an explosion within him. David pushed himself roughly away from Gloria. He began shouting things that he would not even remember just minutes later. It was as though someone else, maybe an evil spirit, had taken over his body. The real David stood back helplessly as this devil from inside of him unleashed an avalanche of verbal abuse on Gloria. Gloria, the woman that David loved, stood back with her hands to her mouth, tears streaming down her face, but the evil one had no sympathy. He continued his tirade, in spite of the obvious misery it was causing Gloria.

As soon as Gloria left, the real David began to emerge. He couldn't remember specifically what he had shouted at Gloria. He couldn't remember if Gloria had said anything to him as she was leaving. He felt the deepest shame and regret that he had ever felt in his life. He was deeply ashamed to know that there was such a devil living inside of him. He remembered the sight of Gloria in tears, horrified by David’s actions. Oh God, he thought, I deserve to lose her. I'll never be able to make this up to her. The picture in his mind of Gloria in tears haunted him.

David desperately needed to apologize to her. As soon as he thought enough time had passed that Gloria could have gotten home, he began calling her on the phone. She did not answer. He kept trying for nearly an hour, but still no answer. He decided it would probably be better to apologize to her in person than on the phone anyway, so he drove to her apartment. Her car was not there. He drove everywhere else that he could think of that she might be, but he couldn't find her. After driving around for two hours, he returned to her apartment. Her car still was not there. Finally, David went home.

Inside of his house, David laid on his couch and tried to decide what he should do. He wasn't able to think clearly, he felt confused. It all seemed like a bad dream, like it hadn't really happened. But he knew that it had happened, and he knew that he had to talk to Gloria before she left for her vacation. He had to talk to her right now to make sure that she wasn't still upset by his cruel behavior. He wanted to sooth her, and comfort her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, and that he knew how wrong he had been. He wanted to tell her that he had been wrong when he said he couldn't stand it anymore. He could withstand anything that he had to withstand, except losing her. "I'm so sorry, Gloria," he mumbled aloud.

David must have fallen asleep. He became aware that light was entering his house from outside, it was dawn. David quickly arose and went to his car. He drove to Gloria's apartment only to find that her car still wasn't there. He went to her front door and listened for sounds inside. There was only silence. He rang her doorbell just to make sure, and he waited. He rang the bell again, and still there was no sign that anyone was inside. It was finally clear that David would not have a chance to apologize to Gloria before she left. She was already gone.

The days that followed were the most difficult days of David's life. When his wife had died, there was nothing that David could do but accept it. This situation was different. David desperately needed to do something. He had to figure out a way to get Gloria back. He couldn't rest. Until he knew what to do, he couldn't rest. He must think of a way to keep Gloria from slipping away from him. He must find a way, anything, whatever it takes . . .

Saturday morning finally came. David didn't know for sure, but he assumed that that was the day that Gloria would be back. He had decided what he was going to say to her, and he was very anxious to see her so he could say it. He had also written it into a letter, just in case she was too angry at him to listen. David didn't really think Gloria would be angry, but he wanted to be prepared. He thought that she would still be hurt, not angry.

It was eight o'clock in the morning, and David was sitting at his kitchen table. He was drinking coffee and trying to concentrate on the newspaper to make time pass. His doorbell rang, so he got up and opened the door. To his surprise, it was Gloria's sister Cindy. "Well, good morning, Cindy," David said, smiling. "Come on in."

Cindy entered the house without saying a word. David knew that something was wrong. This was not the bubbly, outgoing Cindy that he knew. "What's wrong, Cindy?"

"Let's go sit down, David. I have something to tell you," Cindy's tone was dead serious.

David began to panic. "Did something happen to Gloria?" David practically shouted the words at Cindy.

"No, David. Gloria's alright. She called me last night and asked me to come over and tell you something," Cindy said. There was pain in her eyes.

David felt a rush of relief flood over him. Gloria's alright! "Okay, what did she want you to tell me?"

Cindy was visibly upset, she didn't look David in the eye. "Please David, let's go sit down, and I'll tell you." She was practically crying now. David felt a wave of sympathy for her, and he lead her to the couch. They sat right next to each other. David tried to be patient waiting for her to say what Gloria had sent her to say. Cindy was trying to compose herself.

"I have some bad news." Cindy was crying as she said these words.

David instinctively put his arms around her, and spoke gently, but urgently, into her ear. "It's okay, Cindy, just tell me." He stroked her hair gently. His breath was coming in short gasps. He was very alarmed by Cindy's behavior.

Still fighting tears, Cindy forced out the words, "there's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just say it. Gloria called me last night and told me . . . she told me that she and Matt got married yesterday."

David was stunned. His body automatically tensed up, and his mouth fell open. Cindy then returned his embrace, and squeezed him tightly. Still crying she said, "I'm so sorry, David."

David fought to be strong. "It's okay," he said painfully. The words would barely leave his mouth. After a long pause, David said weakly, "you shouldn't feel so bad, Cindy. Gloria is finally going to have all the things she has wanted for so long."

"No, she isn't David!" Cindy shot back emphatically. "This is all a big mistake. She loves you, she doesn't love Matt. If she married you, then she would have everything she wanted."

David thought about what Cindy had said. "Thanks for saying that, Cindy," David said with resignation. "But Gloria wouldn't have married Matt if she loved me. She loves Matt."

After Cindy left, David laid on his couch for a long time. He was surprisingly calm. Of course he had a deep feeling of loss, but there was a mixture of other feelings as well. Unbelievably, a part of him felt happy for Gloria. A picture came to his mind of her holding a baby. As badly as she wanted that, David knew it wouldn't be long before that picture became a reality. That picture had a soothing effect on David. Even though he had lost Gloria, her joy at having a baby was a beautiful thing to him. He wished he would be able to see it when it happened, though he knew that he would not.

Another surprising feeling that David experienced was one of relief. It was over. He had lost, but at least it was over. He didn't have to worry about losing Gloria anymore. He didn't have to worry about how to convince her how sorry he was about the way he had acted. He didn't have to worry about getting her to forget Matt. It was over.

That afternoon, David made some momentous decisions about what to do with his own life now that Gloria was gone. These decisions came very easily for him. He really didn't care about much of anything anymore. Nothing seemed important. The only goal that he had was to get out of town, permanently, before Gloria came back. He knew he couldn't bare to see her as the wife of another man. Even though she probably would not live in this city anymore, David felt an urgent need to escape. At the very least, she would come back to move her things. David did not want to risk seeing her even once, not for a couple of years, anyway.

So David made a flurry of big moves that very afternoon. He went to the office, hoping that his boss would be there as he often was on Saturday afternoons. His boss was there, and he was visibly shocked when David told him that he was quitting as of the following Friday.

David next called a friend who was a real estate agent, and had him come over to his house. They made all the arrangements to put his house on the market immediately. His friend also agreed to help him sell his furniture and appliances, either with the house or after it was sold.

David called the local newspaper to place a classified ad to sell his car. He also bought a "For Sale" sign and placed it in the window of his car. It had been a very busy Saturday afternoon.

David didn't know when Gloria would be in town to clear out her apartment. He assumed that he had better leave town by the following Saturday morning. He bought a one-way ticket for the island of Barbados. Departure time from the local airport was 11:20 Saturday morning.

When Saturday came, David left his house for the last time at 7:30 AM. It was a very emotional thing to have to do. It didn't make sense to David that he would be emotionally attached to any object, including a house, but he was. He had lived there for more than half of his life. His children had grown up in that house. He and his wife had lived there happily for many years. It was there that he had grieved her loss, and where he eventually was healed. As he waited outside for his taxi to arrive to take him to the airport, he looked lovingly at every part of the house and yard. He ached to go back inside, and forget this whole thing. It was only the thought of Gloria and her new husband that made him get into the cab when it arrived.

Before going to the airport, David had the cab driver take him to Cindy's house. He had called her earlier in the week and told her that he was leaving, but he wanted to say good-bye to her and Dan in person. Besides that, he had a wedding present for Gloria and Matt that he wanted to leave with Cindy.

At Cindy's house, David first presented Cindy with the package that he wanted her to give to Gloria. Then David, Cindy, and Dan sat at the kitchen table and had a warm conversation. Dan and Cindy were obviously concerned for David, and wanted to know all about his plans. They asked many questions, and listened attentively to David's answers.

Finally, David rose from the table and said, "Well, I better get going to the airport. I've kept the cab driver waiting long enough. I don't know how to thank you both for your friendship, and your support. With my kids all gone. . ." David felt his eyes water and was afraid his voice would break. He took a deep breath and continued. "With them gone, I had no one else to turn to. You guys were really there for me. I'll never forget you for it."

"Don't worry about that, we're really going to miss you around here," Dan said.

"That's for sure," said Cindy. "You better keep in touch, or I'll come down to Barbados and drag you back." Cindy then gave David a big hug. "Before you go to the airport, I better warn you about something," she said.

"What?" asked David.

"Gloria and Matt are flying in this morning. At a small airport like that, you're bound to run into them if you're there at the same time."

This news disturbed David, he definitely did not want to confront Gloria and Matt. "Thank you for telling me. I'll have to make sure I avoid them. I don't think it would be good for any of us to stumble across each other."

When he arrived at the airport, David immediately looked around the terminal. Cindy was right, it was so small that you could hardly miss seeing anyone else who happened to be there. He found what he thought would be the most strategic place to sit, and he bought a newspaper to hide behind if he needed to. He waited with anticipation. He realized that he very much did want to see Gloria, he just didn't want her to see him. So he waited and he watched. He was keenly aware of all activity in the small terminal. He felt like a spider waiting for a victim to get caught in his web.

After what seemed like a much longer wait than it actually was, about a dozen passengers entered the terminal after their small plane landed. David scanned the group as they came into the building. His eyes locked on the form of a woman that looked like she could be Gloria. She was too far away to see clearly enough to be sure. His eyes stayed locked on her, searching for clues to prove that she either was or was not Gloria. She began walking in his direction carrying a small suitcase, the man walking with her was carrying a larger one. David focused all of his attention on her. Her clothes did not look familiar. Also, this woman was wearing a hat. David could not remember Gloria ever wearing a hat. Even so, David's eyes could not leave the woman, there was something familiar about her. It was the way she walked, the way she moved. It was Gloria.

As she walked in his direction, David stared at her in utter fascination. All of his senses were alert to absorb as much of her as they possibly could. David's breath was coming in short, uncontrolled gasps. Few times in his life had his attention been so sharply focused on one thing, or one person. As she came closer, her face became recognizable. She was looking straight ahead, not at the man next to her. She was not talking steadily, but would occasionally say a few words glancing briefly at her companion. She didn't look excited or happy to be back, but she didn't look unhappy either. Maybe she was tired after all she had been through lately.

David lifted his newspaper so that it covered most of his face. He was wearing a cap and sunglasses which he hoped would be enough to keep him from being recognized. He could not hide behind the paper completely, he must be able to see Gloria while she was still nearby. It looked as though she would be walking past him, close enough that he could reach out and touch her if he wanted to. David hoped that she would say something when she was close enough for him to hear her. He wanted to hear her voice one more time.

As she walked closer and closer, David’s tension mounted. He was no longer the spider waiting for a victim, he was now a rabbit hiding in the brush so the fox wouldn't see him. David could feel his own heartbeat in his temples. David shifted his stance when Gloria came within twenty feet of him so that he would be able to continue looking at her after she passed by. He kept his face aimed squarely at the newspaper in front of him, but his eyes behind the sunglasses followed Gloria as she moved.

Gloria glanced at David and looked away. Then she suddenly looked back at him as though she thought she recognized him. She stared at him for a few seconds, then looked away. She walked past David, and did not look at him. She didn't say anything that David could hear.

After she passed by, David felt a slight breeze and could smell her perfume that he remembered so well. The fragrance brought alive the pain of losing her. He had a flashback of holding her in his arms. He vividly recalled his blissful feelings as he absorbed what he had thought was the love that Gloria had for him. He ached inside now, knowing that her love had only been a mirage, a figment of his own imagination. David turned and watched her until she was out of sight. He saw her look back in his direction, and he fought an urge to run after her.

Minutes later, feeling that he was entering his tomb and would never again see daylight, David boarded the plane that would begin his journey to Barbados.

Still sitting alone at his table, David finally came out of his reverie. He realized that, by thinking about the past, he had worked himself into a melancholy mood. Not a good thing, since he was about to meet Mike and Julie. He wanted to be in a happy mood when they arrived. David decided that he would spend the rest of his waiting time thinking of things that made him happy.

He started by thinking of Sara, but inevitably his thoughts returned to Gloria. He often created a picture of Gloria in his mind which brought him a feeling of peace, and that is what he concentrated on now. It was a picture of how David imagined Gloria would be today. In these pictures she was always smiling and laughing. And usually, she was pregnant. David was convinced that Gloria was pregnant by now, probably long enough that she was showing. Today, the picture in his mind was particularly vivid. He could feel Gloria's joy over the thousands of miles that separated them. It gave him a feeling of contentment. "Oh, Gloria," he whispered aloud to himself. "You made the right choice."

At that moment, David saw Mike, and his girlfriend Julie, walking toward his table. His mood instantly became one of joy. With a huge and uncontrollable smile on his face, he stood up to greet them. He walked toward them and said, "I'm so glad to see you guys I can hardly stand it!" He shook Mike's hand. He wanted to give him a hug, but they had never been in the habit of doing that, so he didn't feel comfortable doing it now.

"Hi, Dad, it's great to see you, too," Mike said.

"Hi, David," Julie said.

"Hi, David!" David repeated. "Is that all I get? I expected a hug out of you, at least!" At that Julie walked up to him and gave him a big hug. David appreciated it greatly, he didn't want it to stop. It was the first hug he had gotten since he had come to Barbados. After a few seconds he said to her, "Why don't you marry this son of mine, anyway. Then I won't have to worry about him anymore?"

At that, Julie backed a step away from David and held her hand out for him to see. She had a big, beaming smile on her face. David saw that she was wearing a diamond engagement ring.

"Are you engaged, Julie?" David laughed in great surprise.

"Yup!" Julie responded, still beaming.

"Wow, your fiance' must be really open minded to let you go on a cruise with Mike," David kidded her. "Who is the lucky guy, anyway?" he continued jokingly. He was now in extremely good humor, and very happy for the two of them.

Julie pointed at Mike and said, "That cute boy over there."

"Him?" David responded in mock surprise. "My son! My son Mike bought you that rock?" he feigned astonishment.

"Uh huh," Julie responded. She was loving the fuss David was making.

"Wow," David said, carefully inspecting the ring. "Are you sure it's real? I've known the boy a long time . . .maybe you should get this ring checked out. They do amazing things with glass, you know."

"Alright!" Mike finally chimed in. "You two sit down until you can find somebody else to pick on. Maybe you can pick on the waitress when she comes."

For the next half hour they all sat at the table, ate lunch, and talked about Barbados and David's life there. David wanted to hear about everyone back home, so he said, "Well, you guys are engaged, is there any other big news from the mainland?"

"Nothing really big, Dad," Mike said. He then added off-handedly, "I heard the other day that Gloria's divorce is final."

David looked and felt as though he had been hit in the chest with a baseball bat. "Divorce! What do you mean, divorce?" He practically shouted the words at Mike.

Mike and Julie looked at each other in astonishment. After all of this time, how could David not have known? Then they each looked back at David, gauging his reaction. He was obviously distraught. Mike was dumbfounded. Julie instinctively moved her chair next to David, and put her hand on his shoulder. "It's OK, she's alright," Julie told him soothingly. "Gloria is doing fine. She's OK."

David was fighting to control his emotions. "When did all this happen?" There was shock and pain in his face, and in his voice.

"Right after they got married, Dad" Mike replied, hoping to sooth his father. "They weren't even together a month."

"I guess they knew right away that they had made a mistake," Julie added. "Gloria never even moved out of her apartment."

David had a profound need to be alone, at least for a little while. He stood up from his chair, trembling slightly. "Please excuse me," he said, and he walked heavily toward the men's room. There was no one else in the room, but even so he needed maximum privacy. He walked to a stall, locked himself in, and sat down.

When David had come to Barbados, he promised himself that he would never allow his heart to be broken again. He had just broken that promise. In his anguish, David began to mumble to himself. "Divorced. . .this can't be happening. . . this can't be happening. . . " David buried his face in his hands, and continued mumbling to himself. "She never even called me. . . all this time. . . she never even called." In his abject misery, David felt as though his chest was caving in. He vaguely wondered if he was having a heart attack. I hope so, he thought, then it would all be over soon.

Several days later, Mike called Sara on the telephone. "Why the hell didn't you ever tell Dad that Gloria was getting divorced?" Mike shouted at Sara. "You're the one who talks to him on the phone all the time. I can't believe you never told him!" He had been angry with Sara ever since he unknowingly surprised his dad with the news about Gloria's divorce. He called Sara to yell at her the first chance he got after getting home from his cruise.

Sara was prepared for this first outburst. "I had a good reason," she started to say.

"Good reason! Are you nuts?" Mike continued shouting. "I've never seen Dad act like that! When I told him, he was in shock. I thought he was going to have a stroke or something. The only other time I've ever seen him that upset was when Mom died. So you tell me, explain to me what this good reason of yours was!"

Sara was getting upset listening to Mike yelling at her, and hearing how badly her dad had taken the news. She started to answer, "Because it would have killed Dad," at that she broke into tears and could say no more.

At his end, Mike's anger began to subside. He felt a wave of sympathy for Sara, and at the same time was ashamed for yelling at his sister, and making her cry. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sara," he said gently. I had no right to yell at you like that. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Finish what you were going to say. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Sara, took a couple of deep breaths and gained enough composure to continue talking. "I just thought it would kill Dad if he knew, I mean really kill him? I couldn't take a chance on telling him. He was down there all by himself, no one who loves him to turn to," Sara's voice cracked. "And to find out he had uprooted himself, sold everything he owned so he could run away. And for what? Because Gloria got married, and it didn't even last a month?" The tears were still in her voice, but Sara had regained some of her composure. "I still think I did the right thing, Mike. I still believe it would have killed him."

Mike sighed lightly into the phone. He was now very contrite. "Now that you told me all that," he said, "I agree with you. It damn near killed him even now. I just wish you would have told me that he didn't know about the divorce."

After Sara talked to Mike on the phone, she knew what she had to do. She had been forming a plan for months. She knew that it was now time to put the plan into action. She began by calling her best friend back home to arrange to stay with her for a few days. She then went to the bank and withdrew the money that her dad had sent her to fly down to Barbados during her next school break.

The following Saturday morning Gloria was sitting alone in her kitchen. She was feeling very lonesome, as she often did these days. She was trying to figure out what to do today, but she couldn't get excited about anything. At least she was invited to spend the evening with Cindy and Dan and the kids. Thank God for that. The telephone rang, and she was grateful for the sound. Someone was calling her. It didn't seem like she got many calls anymore. Oh God, please don't let it be a someone trying to sell something!

She picked up the phone eagerly, "hello," she said.

"Hi, Gloria. You know who this is?" a woman's voice asked.

"Sara!" Gloria answered excitedly. "It's so good to hear your voice!"

"It's good to hear yours, too," Sara replied. The two of them chatted happily for a few minutes, and then Sara got around to the reason for her call. She wanted to come over and talk to Gloria, right away if possible. Gloria was very pleased with the idea, and said to come as soon as she could. They could have lunch, and spend some time getting caught up.

Sara came right over to Gloria's apartment and they were both very happy to see each other. They talked about almost everything, except they both carefully avoided the subject of David. They went out for lunch, and even did some shopping together. To both of them it was a wonderful visit. They had re-established the close relationship that they had shared before Sara went away to school.

As their visit was nearing a close, it was time for Sara to do what she had come here to do. "Can we go sit down, there is something important I need to talk to you about," she said to Gloria. Her voice was serious, and it made Gloria a little nervous. They sat together on the couch in the living room.

"Well, what do you want to talk to me about?" Gloria asked, still a little apprehensive.

Sara had planned this moment for months. "I have something really personal I need to ask you. It's very important to me, I hope you will be honest with me."

Gloria was now even more nervous than before. "I'll try, Sara. What is it?"

"I need to know something. Did you ever love my dad?" Sara asked.

That question came as a hard blow to Gloria. She looked away, unable to look Sara in the eye. At the same time, a part of her was glad that Sara had asked. She would finally have a chance to tell someone. Looking at the floor, she answered. "Yes. . . I loved him." She continued looking at the floor, feeling as though one pressure had been released from inside of her, and a new pressure was building, waiting for Sara's response.

"Did you ever tell him that?" Sara asked.

Oh my God! Not that question! How could Sara have known to ask that question? The answer to that question tormented. . .one of the deepest regrets of her life. . . how could Sara know?

Now near tears, still looking at the floor, "No, Sara. I never told him. I wish I had told him. You. . . you'll never know. . ."

"Gloria," Sara said gently, "do you still love him?"

Oh God! Why is she doing this to me? Tears now streaming down her face, she reached out for Sara. Sara hugged her, and said to her soothingly, "It's okay, it's okay. You do still love him, don't you?"

"Yes," Gloria said. She sniffled and wiped the tears from her face with the backs of her hands. "I still love your dad," she shuddered briefly, trying to stop the tears. "I don't blame him if he hates me," she sobbed, "but I still love him." Then, a little more calmly, she added, " I know I don't deserve him after what I did. I hope he's happy down there."

"Gloria, he doesn't hate you," Sara assured her. "And he deserves to hear you say that you loved him. And that you still do. He doesn't hate you, I promise you that. But even if he did, he deserves to hear you say that you love him. Don't you think he deserves to hear that?" Sara asked.

"Oh, he deserves much more than that. . .more than I could ever do for him. So you think I should call him and tell him, huh?" Gloria asked.

"No, I don't think you should call him. He deserves to see you when you say it," Sara said.

Gloria was surprised by this response. Was David coming home? Would she be able to see him, and tell him in person? "What are you saying, Sara?" she asked.

Sara didn't answer. She took a packet from her purse and handed it to Gloria.

Gloria took the packet from Sara and examined it. "Airline tickets?" she asked, perplexed.

"Yes, your flight leaves at 5:45 Tuesday morning. You have a room reserved at the hotel where dad works," Sara said. She spoke as though it was understood that Gloria would be on the flight and would stay at the hotel. There was no questioning in her voice. "I'll call Dad, and tell him you're coming."

Gloria was speechless.

A short time later, Sara left Gloria's apartment to go back to her friend's house. Gloria walked over to the window, and pushed aside the curtain. As Sara walked to the car and got in, Gloria watched her with great admiration. What a remarkable young woman she had become!

Later that day, David stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom. He was upset. He was staring into his own eyes, but was not conscious of that fact. He had finished talking to Sara on the telephone a quarter of an hour earlier. She had given him some disturbing news, very disturbing news. Gloria was coming! She was coming to his hotel, and she would be there in less than twenty four hours! The one person on earth who could turn his world upside down. She had already proven that she could do that. And now she was coming to see if she could do it again. After all of the pain, and the hardship of building a new life, she was coming here to destroy him again. There was no way to stop her from coming.

After David had learned about Gloria's divorce, he had wallowed in a pit of depression and despair. He deeply resented Gloria, maybe even hated her, for not calling him. She couldn't so much as dial the phone to tell David that her marriage had been a mistake! All these months he had fooled himself into believing. . .God, what did it even matter now! He had uprooted his life, and she couldn't be troubled to even call! David had had to fight, and claw his way from that pit of despair. He knew one thing for sure, he would never be hurt again! Not by anyone, and especially not by Gloria.

Suddenly, David shouted at his own reflection in the mirror. "You made your choice, Gloria! I don't want you here!" He was building his defenses, a wall around himself that Gloria would not be able to penetrate. He turned suddenly away from the mirror, body tensed as though he was ready to fight. Intentionally building his anger, he shouted again, "I don't want you here!"

(Gloria at the airport waiting for her flight to Barbados)

When Gloria arrived at the airport, she first checked in her luggage with the airline. Then she went to look at the spot where she had last seen David. She tried to remember, as clearly as possible, the way he had looked at that time. She remembered the newspaper he had tried to hide behind. She remembered the cap he wore, and his sunglasses.

Gloria sat down in a chair near that spot. She opened her purse, and removed a snapshot. She had looked at this picture so many times, and stared at it for so long, that she didn't really need to look at it. It was deeply embedded in her memory. If she were a talented artist, she could easily draw it, in detail, from memory. That didn't matter, though. It was her most precious possession. It was a picture of David. She smiled when she saw it, a smile that held happiness, love, and pain. Then she thought about the day that she had taken the picture, and she laughed out loud.

She remembered the entire incident as though it were a day ago, not the nine months that it actually had been. She had gone to David's house on a Saturday morning, a couple of hours earlier than he was expecting her. She walked up to his door, and before she opened it, she heard an unusual sound coming from inside. It sounded like David was shouting. She stood at the door, and listened carefully. He wasn't shouting, he was singing! Gloria smiled to herself, and listened as carefully as she could. She recognized the song he was singing.

"G L O R I A! Glooooo ria
G L O R I A! Glooooo ria
I'm gonna shout all night
Glooooo ria
Gonna shout it everyplace"

Oh my God, Gloria thought! He's singing about me! She felt a tingle of excitement, and opened the door as quietly as she could. She closed it silently behind her and sneaked toward the kitchen, where David's musical masterpiece was coming from. She was biting her lip, trying to keep from laughing. This was something she had to see! She tiptoed to the kitchen doorway, and peaked around the corner. Nothing in her life had prepared her to see what she saw! To this day, Gloria did not know how she had managed to stay silent at this amazing sight.

"G L O R I A," David sang out the letters of her name, as Gloria spied on him. It wasn't his singing that fascinated Gloria now, though. It was the sight that she was witnessing that held her in awe. There was David, her David, the quiet one, standing in the middle of the kitchen, singing his lungs out. He was wearing nothing except his underwear! He was holding a broom, and strumming it as though it was a guitar! Gloria was too shocked at the sight to even laugh. She couldn't take time to even blink, she didn't want to miss a thing.

This went on for a few seconds, then David must have sensed that he was being watched. He suddenly stopped singing and started looking around the room. Gloria poked her head a little further into the room, and he turned and saw her. A mortified look flashed on his face. He looked down at the floor and nodded his head, as he bit his lip. Then he mumbled to himself, " Someday, I'll laugh about this." There was a pause, David was still nodding his head. Then he suddenly shook his head instead of nodding, and he chuckled lightly. He looked up at Gloria, with a sheepish smile. "Just sweeping the kitchen," he explained, trying to act as though nothing unusual had occurred.

Gloria looked him up and down. Her gaze fixed on his underwear. She couldn't help smiling. "Nice outfit," Gloria told him.

"This?" David said looking down. "Yeah, I read somewhere that Elvis had one just like it," he quipped. His face was very red.

Gloria knew that he was embarrassed, and wanted to make it easy on him. "I bet Elvis didn't look as good in his as you do in yours," she said.

"I know, I can't help it," David said, trying to feign arrogance. He chuckled a little. "I make everything I wear look good." He was looking around, as though he hoped to find a place to hide, or a hole to escape through. "Boy it's hot in here," he said as he wiped his flushed forehead with the back of his hand. "I guess I'll go take a shower and get dressed." He started walking away from Gloria, toward his bedroom.

"Come here first," Gloria said impulsively.

David turned and looked at Gloria curiously. He then looked down at how he was dressed, and obediently, though reluctantly, turned and walked to Gloria. When he reached her, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. The kiss was tender at first, Gloria just wanted to let David know that everything was okay. But then something unexpected happened. Gloria's sympathy for David was quickly replaced by passion, and it rose rapidly. It was the only time she had held him like this, when he was practically naked. She urgently wanted him to make a move, to touch her, to drag her to his room. She had wanted this from him many times, but she was always left frustrated. For some reason, he just didn't do it. Maybe this time would be different. She could tell that he was becoming very aroused. His hands were moving about her body, though still avoiding the most intimate places. Come on David, she thought. Today's the day. Let's make today the day.

Gloria had no intention of letting him go. She could tell that he was aroused. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him! She was determined that this would be the day. Then the phone rang. David pulled away slightly, shaking his head in obvious frustration. "Just let it ring," Gloria urged him.

"I can't," David replied. "It's an important call. I've been expecting it." David answered the phone. Gloria sat by and waited for him, hoping that they would pick up where they had left off when the phone rang. She could tell that he was talking to his son Brian, the one in the Air Force. She couldn't tell what they were talking about, but David first sounded surprised, and then sympathetic. When he was finally finished talking, it was clear that his mood had been changed completely by the conversation. He went quickly to his room, alone, and got dressed. Gloria was left frustrated and wanting him, as she had been on other occasions. This time was harder than the others, though, because she had felt so sure that this was finally going to be the day. She was very disappointed.

A while later, Gloria persuaded David to pose with his broom. He held it as though he were strumming a guitar. He smiled a very typical David smile. Things had not gone the way that Gloria wanted them to that day, but at least she got a great picture.

*********************************************************************
There was an announcement over the airport public address system that Gloria's flight was now boarding at gate 2. She looked at the picture closely one last time. She kissed the image of David in the picture. She held the picture to her chest, closed her eyes, and silently prayed. When she opened her eyes, she put the picture away in her purse, and got ready to go to gate 2 to board her flight.



The next day, when Gloria arrived at the hotel, David saw her. He had known approximately what time to expect her, and he had watched for her. He sat in a spot where he could see the hotel front desk and anyone who arrived there, and where he was sure that Gloria would not notice him. As Gloria made arrangements for her room, David slipped out of the hotel. He walked for about fifteen minutes to a bench along the beach that he frequently walked to. He sat on the bench and tried to decide what he should do. In his bitterness, David considered getting a room at another hotel and waiting there until Gloria left the island. He wouldn't have to see her at all!

However, after a few minutes, the sea had a calming affect on David. He continued to sit on the bench, and the sound of the waves on the beach washed the venom from his mind. The palm trees swaying in the breeze against the background of blue sky helped bring him peace. Within an hour, he knew what to do. He must go talk to Gloria, and he must treat her cordially. Even though, at the moment, he didn't feel that she was a friend, deep inside he knew that she still was a friend. She had earned his friendship long ago. He would never respect himself if he hid away from her. She had come all this way, and it was possible that he would never again in his life have a chance to see her. Besides, he was very curious about her reason for coming to Barbados. Maybe she came to return his wedding gift, he thought cynically.

As he walked back to the hotel, David's mind was at peace more than at any recent time. He was aware of this. He liked the feeling, but he reminded himself that he mustn't weaken to the point that he would allow Gloria to have any power over him. He had to stay in control. He was confident that he could do so. He was sure that he had programmed himself, that he had built a wall of defense against her, that would be effective. He would just have to keep reminding himself of the danger that Gloria presented. He couldn't allow himself to be too confident, and let his guard down.

When David reached the hotel, he asked the front desk clerk for Gloria’s room number. He then went quickly to one of the bars in the hotel. He was vigilant as he walked, guarding against running into Gloria.

He ordered a strong drink. He hadn’t had a drink in weeks, but he needed one now. He needed to get his nerves under control, and to rationally plan what he would say when he called Gloria. Or should he go to her room. . . confront her face to face right from the start? No, easing in with a phone call was wiser, he decided.

He was almost finished with his third drink by the time he knew what he wanted to say to her. He felt that he had prepared himself well. The problem was, he thought as he gulped the rest of his drink, that now he had had too much alcohol. Maybe better to wait and call her later. He knew though, that it was the procrastinator, the coward, in him that wanted to put it off. He also knew that the longer he waited, the more tense he would become. His legs wisely raised him from his bar stool and moved him directly in front of a house telephone.

He stared at the phone for a few seconds, mentally rehearsing his opening line. He was nervous. Very nervous. He picked up the phone, and dialed Gloria’s room.

“Hello,” he heard her voice say. It excited David, against his will. After all the months of trying to forget her, and failing, to hear her voice again was a fascinating, aggravating,
thrilling, and painful experience.

David braced himself to say the opening line that he had mentally rehearsed. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she replied enthusiastically. The excitement in her voice helped to put David at ease. “Where are you? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you.”

“I’m in the hotel now, I was out for a walk,” David responded. “Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I’ve just been unpacking,” Gloria replied.

“Well, how long would it take you to be ready to go out for dinner, then I could show you around a little. Unless you have a date or something,” David said, immediately ashamed of himself. This was not the way to treat a friend.

Gloria was hurt by the crack about the date, but she tried to ignore it. “I can be ready in just a few minutes, or any time after that,” she replied.

David could tell from her voice that he had hurt her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that,” he said. “Just a poor choice of words. I guess I’m just anxious to see you.” David was unhappily aware that he really was anxious to see her. “Will a half hour be okay?”

“Sure,” she answered. “I’ll be waiting for you.”



************************************************************************
Two ideas: Gloria is about to tell David that she loves him, but she starts by saying, “I have something to tell you,” and the memories attached to that phrase upset David, even make him ill.

After Gloria tells him she loves him, she has something else to tell him. She is pregnant. It happened the night before Sara came to see her with a man she just met, and didn’t even know his last name.
************************************************************************


(Gloria tries a second time to tell David that she loves him, or maybe this is the only try and skip the idea about the phrase upsetting him)

“Would you mind if we went to that table over there“, Gloria asked as she pointed to a lonely out of the way table. Without answering, David stood up, and they walked over to the other table, bringing their drinks with them.

David sat without talking to Gloria, or looking at her.

“Do you remember the night at the hotel lounge that everyone was watching us, and we didn’t know it?” she asked.

David slowly turned toward her. “Yeah, I remember,” he answered, uneasy with the question. He considered asking her why she mentioned that night, but he decided not to.

“Do you remember that I asked you what I meant to you, and you wanted to hold me when you answered? Do you remember that?” Gloria’s voice was soft, but nervous, even though she had mentally rehearsed this conversation a dozen times.

David was aware of her nervousness, and instinctively wanted to put her at ease. “I remember,” he answered gently.

“Could we do that again, please?” Her voice was almost pleading. “There’s something that I have to say. It’s the reason I came down here to see you.”

Well, here it is, David thought. She felt guilty, and she needed to say she was sorry. At least I finally know what she’s doing here. But he felt sorry for her, and wanted to help. If she needed to come all the way to Barbados to say she is sorry, of course he had to help her through it. Anyway, he knew he was ready for anything, so what would it hurt. He reached out and put his hand on hers and he forced a smile. “Okay,” he said.

David moved his chair close to Gloria, and they positioned themselves for the embrace. He pulled her close to him, and he realized immediately that he may not be prepared for this after all. He had almost forgotten the warmth, the softness, the scent . . .

Gloria found herself squeezing David tightly, not at all what she had planned. A moan escaped her, but she didn’t speak. She wanted to bask in David’s caress, to cherish this moment, to gather enough to last a lifetime.

Finally, she said, “Oh David, I’m so sorry, I should have told you this long ago. I love you. I never loved Matt, I loved you. I don’t know why I did the foolish things that I did, but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I loved you then, and I love you now.” She kissed his neck, and buried her face against his shoulder. Crying now, she whispered, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I love you, I never wanted to hurt you, never. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

At first, David couldn’t speak. He was holding Gloria, and she loved him. All there was now was love. There wasn’t anything else. The world was love, time was love, and if there were still other people somewhere, they were love, too.

“Say it again,” David said from his dream state.

Confused, Gloria turned to look at him, then she realized what he wanted her to say. “I love you, David,” she assured him. “I love you.” She wanted to say it a thousand times, but she knew that would be unfair of her. She still had the hideous news to tell David.