Incident unseen

                   Stalked by the demons of my own mind, I may not sleep.
I lay awake wondering what may have, if I had not been as  fortunate as I was.

My life nearly destroyed in five-feet… just five feet is the difference between life… and death. Between love and nothing, existence… and blackness. Haunted and disturbed I may not sleep. There is no outlet I am locked down by myself.. For harming no one but coming within several feet of harming myself. I consider myself fortunate… but then why do I feel the way I do? 



          In a flash I saw my life what was, and what could have been, all the love, and all the hate gone in one second, in a time lapse of no longer then ten-seconds my life all seven-teen years ran through my mind in flash, all my body could do was tense and try to fight the  immense power of the object in front of me. My mouth could only mutter vulgarities… no god, no demon, nobody, but my body and my mind reacting faster then humanly thought possible all in vain, all power lost, and defeated by no one, but myself.

         Throughout life I had been taught no harm no foul, now I harmed no one and I stepped from the darkest moments of my life physically unscathed by the  incident… my mind has failed me, I can physically appear fine in the day but the night now haunts me. I have not slept in several days since my incident, I may be loosing my mind I may even be loosing my sanity… but yet I feel compelled to write. But I have not the slightest idea what I want to write, I have never had an urge to put forth words in any direct meaning, with no guide on how-to explain what I feel.


         The day was grand, I had spent it with someone who I had thought that I would never be with again… my true other. The day was perfect we spent every minute together from nearly sunup to well after sundown. We shared our passion with words and activities. There wasn’t one dull moment in the day I had visited her with her family and showed off my new-found cooking abilities and got congrats all-around  by the family and questioned on many things I had done but all in all, everyone was pleased with us.

         My Angel left me with a kiss on my lips with a message before I left… she has told me “don’t die on me” and I cockily replied that there is nothing going to happen to me, or to us. It was as if she had known what may happen. We have spoken since the incident and now we are closer but more weary of what we say to one-another in regards to health… we do not wish to curse one another’s health or wellbeing we want to live forever in peace in this life and in the next… why ruin it early?



         I left the driveway and went on my voyage to my home only a thirty-minute distance ,I had done it in the past so I had known the way habitually by now,  I had gotten on the main road to my home and had been traveling on it for twenty of the thirty and paying full attention to what was in front of me.  The road now covered with orange and white cylindrical shapes in front of me for quite  a distance all in there line… like good little soldiers. I had been behind a vehicle in this area now where multiples were squeezed into a single straight area. We followed next to our soldiers in order, but the vehicle in front of me had dipped down nearly off of the designated paved road and in observing this I had looked away from the soldiers and one had moved out of line … directly in line with my lane.

         My natural instinct told me to swerve… and to swerve hard, but my mind had been taught to move slow and attempt to not hit this cylindrical soldier. I had moved slowly and agile away from him… but  the distance between us by the time I had noticed him was too short. My vehicle and my training were not prompted for such a incident.

         I now face the long arm of all that is righteous and all that is true. They terrify me to know that I may not be able to partake in this activity any longer because I have a minor incident already and under the rules that govern me I am guilty and for this I am guilty to… for failure to control  I spit at the suggestion of this notion. They did not see it… They cannot  see what I saw… but I must prove to them that it was a true incident in which I had nearly no control over what may happen I pray that I’m not considered negligent nor unintelligent in my decision that I took.

         I strive for perfection; I strive for peace not war, I fight for love not hate… I only hope I’m strong and not weak in my resolve… for this is a true battle for me… to keep what keeps me tied to what is left of my sanity.                    I shall prepare myself… lets hope they do not.