Who Am I Really?

Who Am I Really?


I never intended for it to go this far. I didn’t ask to wake up one morning and realize that I’d been living a lie. That when I got up every morning and went out into the world the person people saw was not the real me. Everything people think they know about me is probably wrong. Like when they ask me what I do for a living I can never tell them the real answer because if I did it would destroy the entire lie my life is built around.
I go by Wayne no need for last names. I’m 51, addicted to chewing gum, and still afraid of the dark. It makes me wonder how I ever came to be what I am. How I ever got so good at fooling people into believing that things were a certain way when really they were not. I guess it started when that guy Brady knocked on my door way back when I still lived a simple life in some no name town. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that is when all this mess started. I can still see the scene in my mind it was a cold dark January night. A light snow had started to fall outside my den window. I was sitting there reading a book, the name of which I can’t recall, when there was a loud rap at the door. I roused myself from my chair and although my house wasn’t very big and my den wasn’t that far from the door the knocker had been impatient and had knocked again three more times each getting louder before I opened the door.
“Umm, hello?” had been my answer to the man standing on my front step. He was clad in a long trench coat with the collar turned up and heavy black boots. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets and on his head was a black beret. I couldn’t make out much of his features between the beret and the collar of his coat, but his eyes were a piercing dark blue, that glimmered in the light that spilled from the hallway. He had a pointed nose and ears that stuck out from under the hat.
“Who are you” I questioned.
“Brady” was his reply. “Can I come in its cold out here and we need to talk.” He stamped a heavy boot impatiently on the step. Snow was collecting on his hat and the shoulders of his coat. I stepped aside so he could enter the hall. Once inside he took off his hat, revealing thinning brown hair, and shook off the snow. He wiped his feet on the rug and looked around.
“I can take your coat and then we can sit down in the dining room if you would like.”
“I’d prefer to keep my coat on” Brady responded gruffly, “but yes let’s sit down.”
Once seated on hard backed chairs at my kitchen table silence fell upon us. Brady twisted his hat and I clasped and unclasped my hands nervously wondering what Brady wanted from me and why he was in my house.
“I know this is a little awkward seeing as how we’ve never met” he finally spoke.
“Oh, you think. Awkward isn’t some guy I’ve never seen before in my life showing up on my doorstep at dark thirty wanting to talk to me. No, that isn’t…”
“QUIET” he thundered. “There isn’t time for babbling nonsense there is business to be done.”
I fell silent my hands and legs shaking under the table. Who was this man and what did he want from me? I just wanted him to get it over with. Tell me his business and then leave me alone so I could get back to my book.
“Why have you come” I asked.
“Your services are needed.”
“What services? I don’t have any services to offer you.”
“And that my friend is where you are wrong” Brady’s dark eyes bore into mine and I can’t help, but look down at the table feigning interest in the pattern of the wood grain.
When I look up again Brady is looking at me. “We want you to join us. We think you can help us. You will be paid for your services of course.”
“I really wish you would tell me what these services are” I said.
Chuckling Brady stood up. “You will find out soon enough now if you would be so kind as to quickly pack some basic necessities we will be on our way.”
“You mean I’m supposed to come with you right now?”
“Yes, is that a problem?” He stands by my chair now arranging his hat on his head. “Go on get your stuff we must be leaving soon.”
“But…but. What about my things? What about my house?” I stammer as Brady grabs at my arm and gruffly pulls me from the chair.
“Don’t worry about any of it we will see to it that it is taken care of.”
“Will I be back?”
Brady shakes his head. “Go pack your things I will meet you at the door.”
I leave Brady standing in the hall and head for my room. In my room I quickly pack some clothes, my toothbrush, and a night light. I grab my pack of chewing gum from the table and stuff it into the pocket of my pants. If I’m not coming back I might as well have my gum I think to myself. I leave my room taking one last look around before shutting off the light and meeting Brady in the hallway. He opens the door and I follow him outside. It is the last I see of my little house.


I am not able to make out exactly where we are going. The back windows of the car I am seated in are too dark for me to see out. I wonder if they are this way on purpose. Brady doesn’t speak as he drives and I eventually fall into a restless sleep. I wake when the car slows to a stop. “We’re here” Brady says looking at me in the mirror.
We have just parked in front of a building I have never seen before. It looms before me like a giant brick monster waiting to consume me alive. I take a step backwards and look around. Even though it is dark outside with the snow falling heavily I can see no lights penetrating through the windows. “Where are we” I ask.
Brady doesn’t answer instead he steps to the door and pushes a button with his forefinger. I jump back a few inches when a voice booms out “who is it?”
“It’s Brady and the requested visitor.”
The voice booms again “good, good do come in.”
I hear a clicking sound as the door is unlocked and Brady reaches out to open it. He steps back and waves his arm beckoning me to go in first. I step forward into a dimly lit entry way. Brady enters after me and the door slams shut behind us. A man appears in the entryway. By appearance he looks old. He is stooped and his skin is wrinkled. He wears baggy gray pants and a green turtleneck. When he speaks I realize that his voice is the one I heard over the speaker outside. “Follow me” he says.
He leads me and Brady down one corridor after another. The building seems even bigger on the inside than it appeared from the outside. By the time he stops at a large wooden door I am completely lost as to where we came from. We enter a room lined with bookshelves containing many thick volumes, a large oak desk, and three black leather chairs. “Have a seat” he points to the chairs in front of the desk.
Timidly I sit down in one and Brady sits in the other looking as though nothing strange is happening. I on the other hand am completely baffled as to what is going on and why all the events of the night have happened to me. Digging into my pocket I pull out my pack of gum and pop a piece into my mouth. The old man eyes me, but says nothing.
After what seems like hours of silence he speaks. His loud voice echoes in the room reverberating off of the bookshelves. “Do you know why you are here, Wayne?”
The fact that he knows my name catches me completely off guard. “No, sir I have no idea.” I smack my gum nervously and Brady gives me an irritated look. The man continues.
“In case you are wondering my name is John. I am your leader or your boss. All orders will come from me. Brady will be your guide until you know the ropes. After which you will be on your own. Understand?”
I nod although clearly I am just as confused as I was when Brady showed up on my doorstep. The man I now know as John perches on the edge of the wooden desk.
“We have brought you here to fill many tasks. You will never do the same thing for any length of time. Your job will be to fool people into believing you are whatever we assign you to be. However, when you are on the streets, if someone is to ask you what you do you will always tell them you are a journalist.
“But, sir, I know nothing about journalism.”
“That doesn’t matter. It’s of little importance. Don’t you see it’s all a cover-up? Here you will be many things. You will go where you are needed or as I assign. Do you understand, Wayne?”
“Yes, but what exactly will I be doing?”
“Your first job will be as a priest.”
“A priest, but I have no qualifications. I know nothing about religion. I haven’t been to church since I was a kid.”
“Then you will become well versed in the art of pretending” says John. “Brady will assist you until you are able to pretend on your own.” He smiles at me for the first time since I have arrived and I see that his teeth are stained and crooked.
I am stunned. I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything.
John continues “you will begin your new job tomorrow. From now on you live here. This will be your life now.” He pauses for a moment then speaks “and the gum has to go we can’t have our people chewing like cows and shooting spit every time they talk.” He stands “are we clear?”
“I suppose so, but sir…”
“Yes.”
“What is my official job title?”
“Imposter” says John with a sly smile “professional imposter.”