To The New Mother Next Door

Your first arrival has been born and everyone’s elated,
But now you know it isn’t quite as you anticipated.
It’s too late now. The deed is done and cannot be negated.
It’s time we had a talk about this monster you created.

Perhaps you had it all planned out and now you’ve gotten to it.
Could be it’s all your spouse’s fault. Your husband made you do it.
Maybe you just forgot one day and that is why you blew it.
Or else you saw they’re cute and so you put your body through it.

They’re cute because of all the little happy sounds they make.
They’re cute when they say uh-oh when they make a small mistake.
But “cute” belies the work and all the patience that they take.
They’re cutest when they’re sound asleep, ‘cause then you get a break.

Now it is widely recognized that sharing chores is best.
Your spouse should also feed and change and get the baby dressed.
But if by chance you should be feeding baby by the breast,
The only two available are there upon your chest.

You hear your baby crying and the clock says half past two.
He’s done this every night this month so this is nothing new.
Your husband’s sleeping, ignorant of what you’re going through.
But this time you will show him, ‘cause you know what to do.

You’ll give your man a gentle shove then kick him out of bed.
‘Cause baby must be comforted and baby must be fed.
Be sure to give a compliment for going in your stead.
Then you relax and close your eyes and rest your sleepy head.

Tonight you’ll get some sleep so you can function in the day.
Tonight he’ll have to get up and tomorrow night he may.
Tonight he’ll have to get up ‘cause no matter what he’ll say…..
Tonight you’ll find your husband’s mind just doesn’t work that way.

He’s turned your life around in ways that only babies can
And run you all around in ways you never ever ran.
And all this work and running were not written in the plan.
But he’ll grow up and leave you so enjoy him while you can.