Knowledge of Nothing

Buddhist literature often describes the moment of Enlightenment as a sudden, spontaneous "awakening."  This awakening, or Nirvana, is accompanied by an intimate, penetrating knowledge of this life, past lives, and the interconnected nature of the Universe.  The Enlightened Ones attempt to convey immutable truths that have been exposed to them in moments of sudden awakening. 

I would love for this article to communicate my own experience of Enlightenment, but I would be lying.  Rather than infinite knowledge, I have had the humbling experience of infinite ignorance, and it has shaped my world view for the past 11 years.

I cannot recall the catalyst for my episode, or if there had been one at all.  My earliest recollection of the experience is of me standing in the middle of the sidewalk on my college campus when my perception was spontaneously altered.  It is important to note here, while speaking of altered perception, that this was neither drug nor alcohol induced.  On any other day, one could certainly argue that position, but not this particular day.

The depth of my surroundings had shifted from four dimensions to two or three.  I was completely dissociated from my temporal/spatial location.  I must emphasize that this was not an out-of-body experience.  I was fully aware of my physical being, it just happened to be separate from the rest of existence.

As I scanned the distant objects desperately trying to make sense of this bizarre occurrence, I had the sudden and painful realization that I didn't know anything.  All of the "knowledge" I had gained in the first 19 years of my life had been vain, superficial information with no real insight into Reality.  I had become aware of the awful, nagging truth that I was completely and utterly ignorant to my Self and the world around me.  The Ultimate, in the philosophical and spiritual sense, was very real and very tangible, but my quest for "information" was pushing me in the wrong direction.

I must have looked like a complete ass standing on that sidewalk, observing my surroundings as if for the first time.  The power of this experience was so overwhelming, I felt I might collapse to my knees in tears.  As I looked at the faces of passing strangers, I had the urge to throw my arms around each of them and say, "Thank you."  Luckily, I was still grounded enough in consensual reality to know that this would have been extremely awkward.

When I had recovered a few minutes later, I immediately made my way to my dorm room.  I was determined to flesh out this experience and integrate it into my concept of Reality.  I sat down, closed my eyes, and breathed.

For the first time, meditation yielded vivid, meaningful visions that are, to this day, crystallized in my mind.  With my mind's eye, I saw the faces of all humanity: Whites, Blacks, Asians, Men, Women, Children, Clowns, Mohandas Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Adolf Hitler, and on and on.  I kissed each person on his cheek. 

Finally, I was lying on the grass, peering up at a kaleidoscopic sky.  A woman stood over me, reading from an ancient, sacred text in a language I could not understand.  It didn't matter.  The meaning was perfectly clear.  She closed the text, and I awoke in my dorm room, in my chair, still seated in a Lotus position.  My heart was light.

From that moment on, I have tried, often in vain, to see the Universe as it is: interconnected, complex, and vulnerable.  I have seen this in all elements of the immediate Universe, namely the people, animals, plants, and objects right here.  That experience had spurred me to study spirituality and philosophy, combined with key elements of psychology and physics, to find an integrated, exhaustive view of this thing we call Life.