The Next Exit Chronicals

                                      Disclaimer:

Some of the stories presented here are based on true events, most from my own experiences. However, this is a work of fiction. Some of my views and opinions you might not agree with, but all are welcome to share their imput as I invite you to share in my journey inside the making of my latest soul searching project.

                                      Introduction:

I couldn't seem to fall asleep as I struggle our of bed, bouncing onto my nightstand trying to plant me feet on the floor. The cool winds whistles through the cracked open window, and the sound was quite disturbing, almost like the sound of that prune faced teacher back in grade school that used to grind the chalk against the blackboard to get the class to pay attention. I looks like a storm is brewing outside, and it begins to rain heavy. I shuffle over the fallen laundry on the floor, shuffling to close the window.

  It is well past midnight, and I knew I would be able to get back to sleep for a good while. There has been a whole lot on mind recently since I am still in recovery of my total breakdown. The sud-conscience mind is a very powerful thing. It can comsume you, No matter how you try to suppress it, It finds it way back through your head. I had had nightmeres and bad thoughts that reared it ugly head of the past...some things I had never found any real closure to. I knew I need help.

  About a month ago, I had volunteered into a study that dealt with anger issues and post-tramatic stress. The study was done through a prestigious university in the northeast Ohio area. I was required to answer a thirty page questionare and be interviewed by one of their facilatators to be concidered for eligability into the program. The process took over two hours. I then recieved a call from the university a few days later. I spoke with a woman whose voice was quite youthful and calming to the ear, as she explained what the study was about and my role within it. I would recieve ten sessions twice a week in which I would be paid for each, and the sessions would be recorded on tape, in which I would have a copy.

  At first when I signed on I basically did it for the extra money, since I am now living on disability and is on a limited income since I lost my job over three years ago. Neither did I know that these sessions would open up another insight to what I was dealing with in my life today, and how I came to where I am now with my thoughts and ambitions. As it turned out, this was the beginning of a new journey of exploration in finding my voice and in finding some closure to things I have supressed inside me for a long time.

  Throughout most of my young life, I always seem to find myself escaping from something, rather it was running away or turning my back on someone, because that was I knew how to handle the situations I didn't think I couldn't handle or I just had thrown my hands in the air and just given up. I used drugs and alcohol for escape from my thoughts. As of three years ago, I almost took my own life. I am now glad to say that I am still alive and doing well, and dispite the problems and tribulations I face in these desolent times, I believe that it was the grace of God that shown me that all is not lost and I am not alone.

  I felt truely and total confortable with communicating my thoughts and experiences with this young woman who I feel was truely an angel that was heaven sent. She made me feel more human, like my own individual. Something I haven't felt since I had set aside to one thing that had given me such satisfaction and insight into my own soul and to provide my own escape. That is, my love for writing, rather it a story, a poem or lyric, or a journey entry. All these emotions and feeling can all be released and expressed with a stroke of a pen, or a click on a keyboard.

  As of this entry, my first on this system, I had finnished the study, and is quite happy to say that I was quite enlightened and is very grateful for what it has done for me, and I am now continuing this process of healing by further exploratons into the looking glass of my mind, body and soul. I embrace that child within (I believe we all have one rather we want to acknowlege it or not),  for he is the inspiration for this project and for my return to what I been missing.

  To be continued. God be with you!
                                                                                CrazyArt.

  P.S. To the facilatator from the study, if you read this, I give you my sincere and deepest thanks for everything. God bless you!