Summer Solstice

                              SUMMER SOLSTICE



Cassie’s face flushed with anger. “I’m not a stupid bitch!” she screamed.

“What the fuck are you then?” I asked.

She tried to slap me. I easily caught her wrist in my hand She kicked me hard in the shin. I felt a sudden, white hot rage. I twisted her arm hack and slammed her into the wall.

“Stop it!” she screamed.

I twisted her arm even farther back.

“Charlie, please. You’re hurting me.”

I suddenly realized what I was doing. My knees felt weak and my stomach churned. I turned loose and staggered backward into the counter. Cassie turned around. Her eyes were filled with terror. I’d never seen that look on a woman’s face.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

She backed into the corner and collapsed into a ball on the floor.

“Get out,” she said.

“Cassie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to——”

“Get out!”

She was crying hard, sitting in the floor with her knees under her chin. I knew there was nothing I could say. I opened the door and walked out into the warm June evening. It was the first day of summer and was just beginning to get dark. The door opened and Cassie’s mother walked out.

“I want to talk to you,” she said.

“I don’t feel much like talking.”

“Fine, then you can just listen.”

I lit a cigarette and blew the smoke up into the June sky. I could see Vega and a planet, probably Venus. I could still feel Doris hovering behind me.

“Tell me whatever you want to tell me, then leave me alone,” I said.

“I came to tell you I don’t ever want you in my house again.”

“That’s fine with me.”

“And if you ever touch Cassie again, I’ll kill you.”

“Is that it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

She walked to the door and stopped. “I don’t know what she sees in you.”

“You know, Doris, this might surprise you, but I don’t know either.”

“She could do a hell of a lot better than some drunken piece of shit like you.”

“Thanks for the great birthday, Doris.”

She went in the house and slammed the door. I heard her turn the key in the deadbolt. I got up and walked away from the house. I walked past Doris’ garden and kept walking. I could just make out a feral cat watching me from behind the corner of the old barn.

“Hi, Kitty,” I said softly.

The cat scurried behind the barn. I kept walking, deep into the fields of what had once been a working farm. When I thought I’d gone far enough that no one would find me, I lay down in the tall grass and watched the lightning bugs float up around me. By then, there were too many stars to count. I thought of how I had once wanted to be an astronomer. I knew then I’d never be an astronomer, or anything else worth a damn. I watched a meteor streak across the sky. I vaguely wondered if God was up there watching me. Just in case he was, I gave him the finger, then both fingers. “Fuck you!” I yelled. “Fuck you!” I started to laugh. A laugh that had anyone else heard it, they would have thought I’d lost my mind. I laid there for a long time. Cassie was sitting next to me when I woke up.

“How long have you been here?” I asked.

“I don’t know, a while.”

“Are you okay?”

“You really scared me, Charlie.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I reached for her hand; she pulled away.

“Come on. I said I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that simple, Charlie. Not this time.”

“Did Doris tell you she told me to leave and never come back?”

“I heard it all.”

“She’s right you know.”

“About what? You being a piece of shit drunk?”

“No, but she’s right that you could do better than me.” I felt her fingers gently brush my cheek. “What do you see in me?” I asked.

“When we first met, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’d never known anyone like you.”

“Yeah, I’m definitely an original.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?

“Don’t make jokes. Not now.”

“Okay.”

“For once, just shut your mouth and listen to me.”

“Okay.”

“Remember when we first met? You got me drunk and tried to get me in bed and I ended up crying like an idiot?”

“I remember.”

“You held me and let me cry and told me you’d never hurt me——”

She stopped and looked up at the sky. I sat up and tried to touch her face. She pushed my hand away.

“I love you,” I said.

“I’m sorry, Charlie, I just can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I put your stuff in the car. Here’s your keys.” She quickly handed me the keys, our hands barely touched.

It reminded me of a cashier giving change. She stood up and walked away.
“Cassie, wait!” I yelled as I jumped up and started after her. She stopped and turned around.

“Charlie, don’t,” she said. “Don’t follow me.”

“Cassie, please. I don’t want to loose you.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her voice was a whisper. She turned and walked quickly toward the house. I could see her silhouette in the dark, tall and thin, small shoulders, hips that still filled me with desire. Hot tears filled my eyes as I watched her walk away. I’d never felt so alone.