Emptiness

Emptiness…

Emptiness is enormous. When I think of the word empty I think of nothing, all gone, used up, spent; but the truth is that it fills you up. It consumes you, along with emptiness comes self-doubt, regret, remorse, anger and denial. You can be so filled with emptiness that there’s no room for anything else and that’s why you feel so empty. It’s so easy to let emptiness become so commonplace and you hold on to it because it’s so familiar. What you want to know, what you need to grasp is how do you get rid of all the emptiness.
How do you let go of something that is almost like an old friend, so loyal, so consistent, always there, always the same result: bitterness. It seems as though once you let emptiness creep in and stay awhile and once you let it turn into bitterness it’s impossible to recover, impossible to shake. Until you become the person you never wanted to be the person you hate the person you promised yourself you’d never become. You don’t recognize this person, you don’t know how you got here and you don’t know how to get back to where you want to be.
Emptiness takes you places you never wanted to go, places like alone. When you are alone you aren’t the only one there. There’s always those “friends” who feel it necessary to remind you how alone you are, those people who feed off of the weak, and refuse to leave you alone about where your life is headed, or about how empty your life is, incase you couldn’t see it for yourself.
Of course, you can’t forget about nothing, and nothing is anything but nothing. When you begin to feel nothing that’s all you can think of-nothing. Nothing is ever good enough, nothing is ever right, nothing will ever help you nothing can make you stop feeling so empty. Nothing is so vast, so all consuming and it will lead you straight to that place you swore you’d never go and it will lead you to become a person you don’t want to be.
Emptiness isn’t the lack of something; it is the presence of nothing. It’s not the lack of someone; but the presence of no one. It’s not the lack of hopefulness; but the presence of bitterness.