Mother and Mistress

Ruthless! As it has always been to me. Emotions, feelings are countless but of no importance as life don’t give a heed to it. People make life and they are the once who destroy it as well. Sometimes a thought crosses my mind, what if I don’t kneel in front of life..Dont give up, will I still stand alone loosing everything i have.
  Do i really have anything is the next question which comes to my mind? Do I really have something to lose? Am I really scared with this question ...what if?
What if i lose what happens then? Did I ever think that if I had something that i could count upon i would have never reached this stage of life. Questions that you have to answer to yourself take your life out of your throat. It is really difficult to face ourselves and answer all of it.
  Life has brought me to a stage were i have to decide that if I wish to become a mother ...hhhhhaaaaaa that word. Sends a shiver in my spine. Thought to become a mother...having my own child...part of my body and soul to see in life. At times i see myself in the mirror imagining how would I look when i would be carrying.Anyways I m sure women have this pleasure to feel that no men can ever get. To become a mother there is a price i have to pay....I will have to be a MISTRESS.
  Mistress that word sounds as if i have abused myself. One title that I would never stand for myself, today i have to decide whether a woman gives in as a mistress to become a mother. That thought of being a mistress drives me crazy. Is it my ego that is stopping me. I have never given up on life and never compromised on the things that I wanted. I have lost lots of things in my life for this attitude of mine. People i loved...things that i wanted. They were there...Just there in front of my eyes. A slight compromise and i would have got everything that i ever wanted. I held myself because I wanted the things, but my way...the way i liked. That was a normal tendency of human nature...Maybe abnormal...Cause people compromise some were or the other to get it. At the end of the day only results matter. So I believe I m abnormal. Because I want it my way...or i would better not have it. Not only the result but even the way it is achieved matters to me.
  At this point of time in life. People around me...the so called people I love, care have given me a chance to become a mother but to stay my entire life as a MISTRESS.
  If ever I meet life I will have one question “Can the title of Mistress be wiped off with the status of MOTHER"