I'm Not Alone

I'm Not Alone

“What are you going to do?” my friend, Linn, asked, “when the kids are gone?”
We were busy filling out those endless stacks of papers that arrive the week before school starts. Permission slips, releases, medical documentation, sports contracts (I agree my son/daughter may not use drugs or alcohol & if he/she does, it will be grounds for dismissing them from the cross-country team), code of conduct, parking permit, etc.
“The twins are just starting high school.” I countered, “I have four more years to figure that out.”
“You should start dating,” Linn always had good advice, but I shied away from that one. Dating? I hadn’t gone out on a date since 1979; that was twenty-eight years ago. Talk about scary...
Where had the time gone? I went on a date with this guy in 1979, married him a year later, had the children, worked to support them and worked even harder when the guy left me to raise them alone. That was when I started praying. I was desperate.
God had me right where He wanted me, on my knees, reaching out to Him. That was when I realized I wasn’t alone at all. He was right there beside me, waiting and longing for me to return His love. I started putting my life back together. Found a decent job, worked for a few years. When my department closed down, I scrambled around and found another job. That one only lasted a few months.
“Okay, Lord, what do you want me to do?”
“Go home and write,” came the answer.
“Um, okay Lord, but how do I support myself while I’m writing?”
Silence.
I went home and started writing. I was always writing some project or other. Ever since I was a child of six or seven I’d kept a journal, written poems, made up stories. Now, I wrote a young adult novel, then a children’s book, some more poems. I started a new journal, keeping track of what the Lord asked me to do. Sometimes I got off track for a few days, or a few weeks – I got too busy with housework and job-hunting and helping out at church. But always the Lord called me back for His purpose. I was to write.
Finally, I found another job, after months of searching.
“Is it all right if I take this job, Lord?”
“I want you to write. Do what I have asked of you.”
I prayed about it, and took the job, a position in community advocacy. They had clients for me to work with, other advocates for me to observe, meetings to attend, to learn the ropes. And, along the way, they asked me to help with my boss’ pet project, writing a practical manual on parenting. I felt it was a hopeful sign. Surely the Lord wouldn’t mind if I started a job that involved lots of writing? But He had something else in mind.
“I want you to write about Me and share it with the world. Share your story, your testimony of how I came to you. Write it many times, for all ages. Witness to Me. Let me come alive in their hearts.”
The Lord was not being subtle. Years before I had asked the Lord to hit me over the head with a 2 x 4 if I wasn’t listening. Now He was taking me at my word. I turned the computer on and started writing. I went from writing once in a blue moon to writing every single day, no matter where I was. It felt good. Now, I considered the day wasted if I didn’t spend at least part of it at the computer or with my favorite Pilot pen in hand.
Now there was this new problem. Linn was right. I had been so involved in working and caring for my five wonderful children, I hadn’t really thought about having a social life. I sang at church and helped out with the youth group (having three teenagers, it seemed to make sense), worked with the women’s group, stuff like that.
“That’s not a social life,” Linn objected, and I knew she was right.
But how could I have a social life? I didn’t drink, couldn’t imagine going to bars. How did people meet? There weren’t any eligible single men at my church. Most of the men I knew were married, or priests. Online? That was scary too, I thought. I decided to ask the Lord. He could handle everything else in my life, why not my social life?
“Lord please direct my path,” I prayed.
“Write! You need to develop your talent.”
It wasn’t exactly the answer I wanted.
“But it’s lonely down here, Lord,” I countered. “I’ve been alone for so many years. I married an unbeliever the first time around. Couldn’t you find someone better for me?”
I persisted, and He finally said, “I will send you someone, a good man. But you will have to be patient. Keep writing!”
Having put it in His hands, I went back to the computer. The Lord was kind; He helped me lose 26 pounds and change my hairstyle. People started to notice, and made favorable comments on my new look. But I couldn’t change my lifestyle. I was still a single mom and working around the clock. Plus, I lived out in the country. I told the Lord this was quite a challenge. Somehow, I was sure He could handle it. I decided to stop worrying and let Him be God for a change. So far, it’s working pretty well. He knows what He’s doing and I know I have to keep writing. I’m not usually very good at being patient, but for the right guy, I figure I can wait. Um, how long, Lord? Just kidding.