Nuts r Us

NUts r us
A true story of why I think the internet is a wasteland full of Nutters



Hello all and welcome to another episode of Why James is Glad he's Single

I Had just gotten the new computer a week ago after taking a long and restful period of just dropping in to check Email and fill out job applications. I really enjoyed the time away from online catching up on movies I had missed and things I needed to do, we have all been there.

Just as I got the computer and had the high speed connection installed I thought wow now back to the old fun times, alas it was not to be as many of my old friends have moved on, changed names or just aren't around anymore. Thats Life things change , people move on.

Thinking that I would just rustle up some new friends I joined a few of those free sites that offer friendship and dating based on your interest and hobbies. That was my first mistake because anything free on the internet seems to draw the nut jobs right out of the woodwork .

Anyway I sent out a few messages to likely prospects looking for some chat and maybe a few laughs, nothing serious as I am perfectly happy being single and don't give a fudge about being saddled with simpering females on a full time basis. I stress here just chat and laughs .

As with all those type sites they ask you a million questions about yourself and you have to work really hard to appear witty, charming and creative to make your profile attract the nimrods you apparently came there to meet as just plain old you. (Some even plop naked pictures of themself on these sites as if thats very attractive, broadcasting your naked bum across the internet)
Anyway as I always do I created an honest representation of my self and included a picture.

Well I got a reply, yep one, which seems to be the norm for these places, an attractive (streaching a bit here out of undeserved kindness) young lady sent a reply, listed herself as a Christian and fan of Star Trek and indicated she wanted to chat.

Well we chatted, me trying to work and carry on a conversation was quite a feat but I managed some how.
This young lady started by bombarding me with URL's for her various web sites which seem to be a combination of hokum and spam magnets. One site in particular she alluded to as her professional writing site where she had written such Gems as "How to wash a pet Skunk" I bet the Pulitizer for that one is hanging on her wall, but I digress.
She also claimed to be a professional web designer yet the graphics and layout of her sites were terriable with mismatched colors and garish design. Ten monkeys with paintshop pro could have done better IMHO. But I was a gentleman and kept my suppressed laughter to myself.

As it turns out this Maven of Christianity was also a bit narrow minded as well as self absorbed and had a blog site where she breathlessly pontificated on all the little drama in her life (she forced that URL on me too) And at each junction where I tried to inject some topic of interest such as Star Trek for example in the conversation it would of course swing back to her life and her web site and her (abrasive personality???) causing her ex husband to become a Homosexual......ad nauseum.
That last I did find somewhat amusing as how bad a woman do you have to be to drive a man to want to forgo the female gender altogether and take it in the Bum????

After our second round of talking mostly about her, my nettle was wearing thin but I was still being nice because I don't think its politic to point out delusions to unbalanced people . Suddenly from the south of nowhere this chick up and ask me am I going to move to Ohio because she isn't going to move to Georgia? Apparently I had told her she was pretty or something and she started making plans for one of us to pack our bags after three days and a few hours conversation.

As it finally came about this distinguished author (remember the skunk washing?) fancies herself as writing some sort of book on internet dating Do's and Don'ts (heck anyone can self publish these days) and all her probing questions were just a ruse to find something wrong with me and paint me as an internet predator lurking in the shadows waiting for fair young maids to wander into my clutches. So she jumped on a few minor points and off she went.

First point was the spelling of my name, I'll concede that there are two spellings of my name but that is hardly anything sinister. When I set up my site at writing.com I accidently entered my last name with 2 l's not a big deal and I like the look of it so I adopted that as my pen name instead of changing the profile, no its not my legal name but Elton John isn't that guys real name either.. so what

Next was a point of order so stupid that only this chick apparently would have come up with it.
In my profile on the web sit I had listed my Married status as Widowed. This apparently (and I am just as shocked as you) constitutes a major sin , thats right claiming your a widower on a web site is pure hell fire and damnnation stuff folks . I'm not sure when it happened but those who have driven men into the mortal sin of Homosexuality are now arbiters of whats moral on the internet.
I was given a stern lecture on the Ten Commandments , though I'm still unsure which one I broke, all of them I guess, maybe there is a number 11 I don't know about.

Be that as it may this fine upstanding example of upright Christian fortitude (who runs down people savagely on her blog and even made the Statement about her sister that she would no longer pray for her) began to do a self righteous tap dance on the grave of someone who I held very dear, a good holy Christian woman whom this lickspittal couldn't come close to being worthy of even knowing, My Wife and best friend who's hand I will hold on judgement day as we stand before Jesus.

So I bid goodbye to this Saintly Paragon of virtue with not a harsh word but a heartfelt hope that God would bless her and mend the obvious scars she can't keep hidden under her cloak of devout consecration, yet I am sure that I will, as those other poor souls who have had the misfortune to cross the path of of this Person, end up in a drama filled blog entry the creation of which will keep her little mind occupied for some time. Were I to care enough to want to defend myself I would even earn her coveted title of stalker (she claims to have three) but I won't offer a defense to stupidity nor an apology for things past.

I bid thee farewell Saintly Drama Queen, as free and easy down the road I go (unencumbered by female baggage)