Birdman

I close my eyes and look up at the sky from my spot on the cold concrete ledge on the rooftop, and I fashion a full grin, content to stay here for a time and listen to the quintessential rhythm of the rat race, to the echoes of life and death happening far below me. When I open my eyes, I can see a city of stars looking down at me from their place in the heavens, a semi-sphere of glittering gems sparkling like mini-gods, omnipresent diamonds of sentience. Each one so seemingly insignificant in their miniscule facade, but each in essence a raging furnace of nuclear chaos, banishing the darkness of infinity, the cold black nothingness between the stars.

I tear my eyes away and feel a longing to join them, to flee this cocoon we call Earth, this Gaian body we have ravaged and mistreated through centuries of childish tantrums, wars and retribution. But to philosophize on the metaphysical is to become trapped, caged in an endless circle of meaning where there is no meaning; in other words, to miss the point. So I pull away from my silent musings on perpetuity and focus on the here and now. Why am I up here, you ask? Let me tell you.

Eden

My father told me once that evolution had a way of escaping the fold, the restraints written down in the DNA of every living thing since Genesis. He believed that every so often something would happen, something that would change the way we saw the world, and our place in it. He was a scientist at heart, but his Christian thinking led him to believe in something more, thus disagreeing with the rigid laws of genetics; the idea that every person has a code inscribed on them from the moment of conception, a code of life that will evolve over millennia based on the ways of the past. It drew parallels with modern society, how we adapt and develop as a culture, finding new tracks to tread, only to be held back by precedent.

What he wanted to find was a code with no past, something new that was not there before, something which could look ahead without constraint. He called it the Sleeper Meme, a new system of human advancement. So he went about finding the key that would unlock it. It's what led him to Eden.

When I was very young I was told I had a gift, that I was different. I certainly felt different around other kids. My parents refused to let me mingle with anyone. They said my secret was too precious and dangerous for others to know about.
"Noah", they had said, "please understand, sweetheart, this is for the best."
Even as a child I had an understanding of the depth of my detachment from society. Loneliness became a friend.

On the rare occasions we went anywhere in public, I wore a heavy coat which covered my wings. I could feel the weight of the coat press down upon them, and it was excruciating. I bit back the tears and did not mention it to my parents. I did not want them to see me as weak. I watched the other kids play in the park, watched them run and jump and fall back down to earth again. I scorned them for what they lacked, what I had and they didn't. I was a bird, alone among pebbles.

As a teenager, things became clearer to me. I began to comprehend from an adult perspective my predicament as an outcast. It was not pleasant. It certainly wasn't made any more bearable by my parents. My mum struggled to cope, and my dad could do little to comfort her. The stress of keeping me hidden from the world began to prove a little too much. Sometimes I could see a silent hatred in the way she looked at me, feel contempt in the way she treated me. But it was more than just mere observation. I could see the emotion as patterns on the walls, the swirl of smoke from her cigarette. I could even hear it in the white noise of the radio. It was like my own personal language, and I accepted it as my own secret, delighted at my discovery of this new world of colour and meaning embedded in the world, just under the surface.

I'm sure deep down she loved me, but that love was buried under my burden, under the stress that it had caused. I knew our existence as a family would not last. Had known, in fact, for many years.

Their arguments became more frequent, more pronounced in their verbal displays of anger. I sat in my room and cried silently every night, casting myself into delusional dreams of flight. Despite my wings, I had never tried to fly. I did not even know if I could. I never had the opportunity. As I grew, my wings grew as well. It came to the point when a coat could not hide the bulge on my back, which meant I could no longer partake on those painful public excursions.

And then the day I knew would always come arrived at last. That morning I had woken to see my dad sitting at the kitchen table, alone. He did not look up as I walked in. I did not even need to ask, the air was thick with loss, and the walls echoed my despondency. Mother had gone, forever.

My dad began to change after the separation. He talked more, laughed more. It was as if everything that had been holding him back had lifted in the aftermath of my mother's departure. He told me I was in for a surprise, an awakening. He said I wasn't the only one; there were others just like me. I felt a newfound sense of purpose, spurred on by my father's excitement. Then the day came when he asked me to pack my things. He had found a new home for me.

Home. A true home. Not just a roof to keep out the rain, not just some place to while away the days, but a place of belonging, a place of acceptance. The day I walked into Eden, I was reborn.

Even as I sit here on the rooftops, listening to the colours of the streets below, seeing the sounds of traffic dance in front of my vision in a cataclysm of meaning, I can still picture with absolute clarity the moment I arrived home. I felt...happy. It was an emotion I could categorize only as 'good'. And anything good in my life up to that point had been rare, something to cherish and cling to desperately incase it vanished.

I had looked at my hand, turned it palm down, and then reversed the procedure. It was milky white, pure as a pearl. It almost seemed to glow, and this experience, this visual illustration of my happiness, continued on up my arm. I pulled up my trouser leg, checking a suspicion. My skin was the same creamy hue. This didn't scare me, for I had long since come to terms with my ability to see the secret world behind my own. I had passed the stage of curiosity long ago.

My dad looked down at me as we approached the gates. He couldn't see what I had seen, I'm sure. If he had, he would not have looked at me with such an emotional mix of sadness and love. He knew he could go no further with me, that this was the end of the line for him. I had no grand speech. I just hugged him and told him not to worry, that I was happy and I would see him again. As we ended our emotional embrace he looked at me straight in the eye, smiled, and winked.
"Spread your wings and fly my boy, this is your story now." And with a fatherly slap on the back, together with a genial smile, mutually reiterated, we departed. I stepped into Eden.

But what is Eden?

I asked myself that as I walked silently up the marble path. The place was thick with mist, and I could feel myself projected into that mist, mingling with...others. It was a collage of feelings all intertwined around and through my own. It was a little uncomfortable at first. I could feel sorrow and grief that I knew wasn't my own and yet was. It was painful and exhilarating at the same time.

I could see the great ball of light twirling above me, blinding me, telling me the secrets of the world. It shone like the core of the sun, a beacon of revolution to an ignorant humanity. I knew no one but I could have seen it.

Mari was standing just up ahead. I did not know where the name came from, it just filtered up through the mist.
"Welcome, Noah" She had said, and smiled. Her beautiful face shone with delight at my appearance. And then she did a very strange thing indeed. She kissed me, and I kissed her back. And even though it was for the first time, for I had only met her, it felt like one of many. It felt as if I had known her for years. I knew who she was, what she was thinking, everything about her, in point of fact. The experience was disorientating.
"Where am I" I said after we broke off from our embrace. "Eden?"
Mari only shook her head knowingly and spoke softly, delicately.
"Not yet."
I understood, I thought.

"Then why am I here?" I asked. She did not answer me directly.
"People don't see what's not in front of them. They don't know half of what they think they know about the world. They try and find ways to sum up the workings of reality on paper, but their equations are just straight lines and angles, child's play in the great scheme of things."
"And what is the great scheme of things?" I said.
"I don't know, Noah. I'm not an oracle. I'm just like you. And just like you, I have a purpose. Your father was right, you know. If you keep looking, sooner or later you'll find something new."
"And what is my purpose then? Our purpose?"
"To shatter the world"

That was all she said. One phrase whispered in my ear. An echo from her lips that held meanings that, to understand them all in their entirety, would require such a comprehensive rewiring of the human mind that it would be pointless to call it human anymore. But I understood enough.

Revolution, and the awakening of humanity.

And then she was gone, with a 'catch me if you can' look on her face before she faded back into my dreams. Our dreams. The burning sphere continued to shine down from above and, maybe it was just my imagination, just a little brighter, as if with anticipation.

And I walked away, back down the path of my reverie, watching my future form in thought around me, spinning and dancing and twirling in lavish choreography. I knew what I had to do. I knew the objective, but not the method. That was for me to discover.

I stand up and shake off a cramp. The sun is just about to burst over the horizon, flooding everything with light. But not yet. I can feel the world holding its breath, in anticipation of the change. I can feel the enormity of the alteration, the vivacity of the new day. It's like a thousand sirens going off inside my head, filling me with hope and dread. I breathe in the sounds and spread my wings, flexing their bulk. Below me the street lights are winking out as the red spot on the horizon begins to spread upwards and outwards.

I walk towards the edge, and look down. I imagine how I would appear to anyone looking up in my direction. A guardian angel silhouetted against a fading night sky, wings arched and extended in the keenness of flight. They say thought can travel faster than light, but I'm a sucker for the physical. I stare straight ahead into the rising sun, and think about my task to lead humanity through the coming flood of change.

But not yet. Not until I find you. I step off the ledge, let my body freefall as my wings catch the current and bristle with the force of the rushing air. Suddenly I push against the current, forcing my body up. The ground beneath me recedes.

The sky above embraces me lovingly as one of its own. Heaven itself could have offered no better.