Untitled - (In Progress)

Chapter One

Another day, the birds were making the leaves tremble as they flew by,
waving their little and colorful wings.
The sun was bright and it shone amongst the white clouds and I,
sitting on the bed, mumbling something about the fact that I didn't make
my history homework for today's lesson, but it wasn't unfamiliar to me,
did I ever cared about school? Well, no.
Not only that I had to walk under the grilling sun for a quarter of a hour
and feel how a few drops of sweat were coming down my spine -
I also had to deal with my crazy, weird headmistress,
who chose to spend her mornings standing at the entrance of the school
saying 'good morning' to every passing student, making them shiver
with her high-pitched almost scratch like voice.

And there was I, face down, long brown hair covering my face,
my eyes half-closed with frustration, knowing that I'll have to go through
the next few hours wishing I was someone else,
someone who had friends, someone who was beautiful, smart,
brave (some kind of a charming prince in a cheesy fairytale)
well, I wasn't...I was an outsider, a forbidden lab experiment that went
horribly wrong, yes, the day of my birth.
But I'm still here, guess I was strong enough to survive all the
things that was thrown at me, guess I am strong enough if I
didn't kill myself knowing that happiness is not something likely
for me to ever know.


I walked through the gates, trying to avoid looking up at my
headmistress's face that looked like an overcooked omelet with
long and pale wrinkles.
She saw me, right before I managed to flee behind the news board,
disappointed at my failed attempt I stopped, took a deep breath
and looked up, my eyes were still half-closed but I could see
her face quite clearly
"All black again, James..?"
she said, staring at my black t-shirt, her green eyes shrunk behind her
big rectangle shaped glasses, giving her a slightly smart look,
but I knew she was as dumb as an old shoe
"Yes..."
I whispered, rolled my half-closed eyes and fooled myself by thinking
she will let me go with the last piece of dignity that somehow still remained
"I believe you came to a school, not a funeral…"
she said with disgust, then added,
"When I was a student such as yourself, I could never possibly
allow myself to look so untaken care of, sad, gloomy and miserable..."
there was a short pause while she examined my five foot seven gloomy self,
then she opened her mouth to continue but I, knowing that I have a history class next,
so I will have enough non-sense, said quickly with a sharp and a loud voice
"Aren't you supposed to greet the other students..? They would
feel slightly discouraged by the absence of your kind words this morning –
and we wouldn't want that, right..?"
I fully opened my eyes to give her a serious 'don't mess with me' stare;
she raised her eyebrow, then waved her hand and said, defeated,
"Well, carry on then."


"Fought with Ms. Paper again?"
Tom asked with a slight giggle while I walked upstairs to my history class,
Tom was amongst the few people who noticed my existence between
these cold prison like walls
"The stories of our battles travel fast I see" I half-smiled
remembering all the tales about my and Ms. Paper resentful relationship
"Stacey heard you; she said you were so cool!" Tom said with excitement,
slightly vulnerable though, I knew he fancies her
"Then she walked around telling everyone how you shut Ms. Paper up"
he added with more vulnerability to his voice
"Well, guess they all went 'James who?'" I smiled, faked it
"Stop!"
Tom stopped, ready to throw his fist toward my covered face
"Don't you see that you're bringing it on yourself?"
he looked at me then added
"You always say thing like that, and people don't know how to approach you!
By wanting them to notice you, you cast shadows around yourself."
I've never seen him so angry, he was always happy and laughing,
I was a bit taken aback not knowing how to reply and eventually I said
"I don't force anyone to notice me, they just don't, it's a fact – no
one ever noticed me, I never had friends and I was always alone"
I felt silly saying that because it felt like a broken record playing all over again,
I feared he would take it the wrong way, like I'm sending him away
"I see you. I notice you. I want to be your friend."
Tom said, the sadness, pity, was clear for me to see on his face
but I said noting, he is just another someone who feels sorry for me,
the gloomy James, the lonely and friendless James, I'm tired of it,
I took another step up
"I mean it." He said quickly, not willing to give up easily, I felt uncomfortable,
like I was suddenly thrown into somebody else's life
"I'm…I…I have a history class" rolling my eyes to the fact I could finish
the sentence, I walked up to the second level into my classroom,
Tom didn't follow, I didn't expect him to.

I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what just happened,
was it a weird dream…? A nightmare perhaps…? Or was it an ironic
and twisted version of my reality…?
The history class was boring, I went through the time by gazing
out the window on the playground or drawing something in my notebook,
in math class I wrote a poem, a sad poem about love and eternal friendship,
both seems so far, unattainable.
Literature was interesting, I believe it's the only lesson I can sit still
for more then five minutes, but today's story was about a war in Russia
and the last thing I wanted to do is to analyze it.
Excitement rushed through me as I reached the last lesson for today,
Psychology, yes, I'm interested in understanding the mankind,
so maybe one day I would solve my biggest problem, alienation,
loneliness and a bad excuse making while being nervous.
The lesson today was about the depression and frustration in the mid-life crisis, completely uninterested in the subject my thoughts drew back to Tom
'I want to be your friend.'
Flew in my mind over and over again like an annoying fly you just couldn't
get rid of or kill
'I see you.'
Again, like a small black fly that you never manage to hit
'I notice you.'
I wanted to scream, make it go away, I felt so awkward as if a deathly disease
was flowing through my veins, I went to the boy's room, washed my face,
tried to wake up, back to the few moments before he said that,
but it kept spinning in my mind like a wild tornado
"James…?"
someone asked over my shoulder, I cleared my face, brought my eyes
back to focus and I saw the worse, Mike the bully, he always tortures me –
enjoying it as if it's a piece of meat you give to a dog after it makes a trick,
he stood, smiled and closed the door, I feared for a moment, we both are
in the toilets, he wouldn't miss the chance to make a joke out of me,
not for any fortune in the world not even for a delightful and creamy
strawberry cake.
"Crying your worthless life into the toilet bowl, dear boy?"
he was highly amused by his own words then said
"Hoping…it…will listen to you?"
he laughed, and took a step forward me, his low and dumb voice still echoed
around the room.
"Let me out"
I said, trying to tackle him, but he was to fat and tall for me to handle
on my own and then he pushed me, I fell on the wet floor,
my pants got dirty and my arm got bruised by the sink, it went numb,
I was hopeless.
"You actually thought you can push me aside? Me…?"
he laughed again, this time with disgust
'kill him…hurt him…you're stronger, you're better…'
A tiny voice in my head said with anger, but I knew I can't overpower
this stupid creature
"You're pathetic." He claimed.
"Not even worthy of me abusing you! Go…run to your mommy and cry."
He gave me a look full of hatred.
'I'm pathetic!? Look at yourself! You stupid dumb and fat bastard!
Picking up on people half your size! Abusing them thinking it makes you cool
and strong while you are the one who cries to your mommy every night!' 
The tiny voice again, stronger this time, almost burst out of me
but I knew that if I'd say it to him he'll kill me so I said nothing
and just watched him walk away, laughing.
At that moment, sitting on the wet floor, barley feeling my arm,
I felt more lonely and hopeless then ever, powerless and spineless,
I wanted to get stronger…better… become someone else…
someone who could stand up against people like Mike the bully, someone…like…the tiny voice in me, the other me.
I felt strange, the desire to be a different person excited me
yet freaked me out, I want to stay myself, but I hate myself
'And everyone else hates you too…' 
I froze, it felt so real, I couldn't control it, and it wasn't me who said that…
'And I…I hate you too.'
"Shout up!!" I shouted in the middle of the corridor that leads back to my
psychology class
"Shut the fuck up!!" I shouted again much stronger
'I'm stronger then you…you can't deny me…you can't hide me…
let me take over…' 
"NO! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
– 'I'll be better…you'll have everything…EVERYTHING..!' 
I couldn't fight it anymore, students all around me were staring,
some came running out of their class rooms, teachers stood paralyzed,
shocked, their eyes wide open at my disturbing presence,
holding my head and pulling my brown hair, I didn't know if they were
shocked because I was shouting or because they could see my face,
I felt exposed, vulnerable, alone – no one cared…
they just stood there motionless while I had this inner struggle with
the dark self, I felt I'm going crazy, the proof of the broken record
that's playing in my head all the time stands in front of me
'No one loves you…no one cares…no one needs you…you'll
never have friends…people always leave…they leave…they die.'
Like a stupid hit song playing on the radio it kept whispering in my ear
I screamed with agony
"HELP ME!!!"
they didn't care…the enchanting melody became a reality, I was seeing it
with my own eyes…they don't care! They just stand there, staring,
probably laughing…
'Yeah…they're laughing...laughing at you…YOU ARE PATHETIC!!!' 
I was frozen, tears came out of my blurry eyes, and I could only see
colorful silhouettes now, many curious children standing around me
watching at me like I'm an amazing thriller movie, I fell on my knees,
shaking, pulling my hair, almost ripping it out of it's roots,
I didn't know what was happening, I just couldn't control it, I felt it takes over –
"JAMES!"
suddenly everything came back to normal, the blurry images was focused,
all the girls had their hands on their mouths the boys with their frown faces
and the teachers were filled with fear
"Are you…o.k.?"
The voice again, it was familiar, I felt a hand on my shoulder,
it was warn and kind, I rubbed my soaked red eyes against my arm
and turned to face my savior, the person who turned darkness into light,
it was Tom.


Chapter Two

"He opened his eyes!"
a man dressed in white robs said, his voice was a mixture
between happiness that I'm alive and fear of what happened 
"Dear!"
a tall, pale and beautiful women ran into the room, she wore a
red dress with white lilies on it, it looked stunning with her thin 
black hair that laid on her shoulders shivering with every body movement
"Mom," I began but she interrupted
"No, the doctor said you have to rest…don't speak. They
said…well, just rest."
She looked worried, and then she petted my forehead with her cold hand
"We have never seen anything quite like this," the doctor said,
his voice still shaking, he avoided my eyes, looking at the
papers he was holding instead
"A whole week, not any sign of conscious…we thought it was a
case of a brain death" now he looked at my mother who was
still petting my forehead but it felt mechanical now
"But he woke up now…he is fine…I want to take him home."
she stood up facing the doctor who immediately looked back at his papers


"I'm sorry, but we…we are concerned about the mental health of
your son…you see, from what we heard happened in the school,
it is very recommended to keep him under observation."
Now he took a pen out of his side pocket and reached his hand
towards my mother, holding a paper, I figured it to be some kind
of an agreement to keep me there but my mother took it and
thrown it away, the doctor looked furious now
-"How dare you!" putting the pen back to his side pocket then added
"You both should be locked up!"
he left the room mumbling something about the hospital and the
way it'd became a lunatic magnet 
"James,"
she turned back to me, I was laying motionless on the hospital bed
"I was so worried…when they said that you…"
her eyes watery now
"I knew…I knew it happened again, these attacks…I thought
you managed to overcome it after the treatment, but…the way
they described it…and your hair," I touched my head with my
left hand and I felt that there is a bald space, I must've pulled it out.


"I want to take you home, you must not go back to this cursed
school, James, we will move away, to a new town." she walked
around the room, back and forward, thinking and sometimes
raising her head to look out of the window
"But…we moved three times already since…since he,"
– "No! I will not talk about him now."
She stopped encircling the room and gave me a frightening stare,
I knew I've hit a sensitive, still painful, spot, and I said
"Move where…?" relieved by the change of subject she walked
around the room again, thinking, scratching her head then said
with a loud voice
"To Hillgate!"
stopped, filled with excitement, she smiled and looked at me
hoping I'll start to dance and share her happiness
"Hillgate…?" I asked, she was slightly discouraged
"Yes! You always wanted to go there," filled with excitement again,
trying desperately to convince me to agree as if it was a life or
death decision,
"Fine," I said, but before I could say the rest she interrupted again
"Great, I think that I saw in the newspaper a few days ago that
there's a house for rent in Hillgate, no one have lived there for
fifty years, and you know how I love all those ghost stories"
she smiled at me and raised her eyebrows
"And…well…I got sacked again…the sixth time this month…
you know what they say, 'change place, change luck'
and you…the school there was considered the most friendly
school for three years now, maybe you'll finally find yourself a friend"
the excitement flew out of her and it was noticeable when
she sank into a dream of the two of us in Hillgate,
starting a new and a better life.


"I have a friend…" I was proud to say that but it came out with a
whisper, a cold and hurtful whisper
"What?" she asked, still day-dreaming our adventures
"Tom…he…he saved me, he stopped it…"
-"Stopped it…?" her voice was sharp, her unconscious was
unhappy to snap out of the lovely fairytale she made up
"Well, it got really blurry like before, it almost took over
when…he touched me, and it was like I woke up from a
dreadful nightmare…everything became clear" I said, reliving it
in my mind, remembering the looks on everyone's faces
"Tom…" her excited face went straight back to serious, worried
and frightened.


"Just like the time when…"
-"Here they are! That woman is mad just like her son."
two doctors burst into the room, the one from before and a
second one, a small, old and scary-looking
"We don't refer to our patients or their relatives in that manner, Erik."
the small doctor said, his voice was low and aged, he stared
right into my eyes, he had a terrifying presence
"I'm sorry, Mr. Bright." Erik said beneath his teeth, he was
humiliated but Mr. Bright didn't even notice him, he walked
towards me, not loosing an eye contact
"A whole week…so I've heard" he was examining me now
"An attack, a chance for mental illness…interesting,"
-"More then the boy down the corridor with the chicken pox, that's for sure,"
Erik's voice was like a misheard echo from a distant place
"I will take him home." mom said
"Well, I believe this is out of your hands, as this child marked as
a treat for society." His voice was cold.


"He is my son." Mom's voice was high and confident, that little
old man was nothing compared to the ghost stories she had read
"The safety of the society is more important then your selfishness."
He turned his frightening stare to mom now, but hers was even
worse, filled with rage towards that little rat
"It's my decision," I said at last, before they jumped at each
other, tearing the other one apart
"I will not go to the asylum. No one can force me. The tests they
made five years ago showed that I'm perfectly alright, that was
just an accident." My voice was so cold and sharp that either of
their frightening stares compared to it
"An 'accident', you say?" the doctor turned back to face me
"I guess you don't remember what really happened then,"
-"DON'T!" mom shouted
"This discussion will end here!" her voice was serious
"What do you mean…what happened?" I asked Mr. Bright, his
face shined with victory
"YOU HAVE KILLED A STUDENT!" he shouted, the words
went through my ears like a silver knife cuts through a heart
"You killed the innocent-"
"SHOUT UP!!!!" mom slapped Mr. Bright's face so hard he fell to the floor
"We go now, GET UP!" she bellowed, I was confused, frightened
and shocked all in the same time.


"STOP!" Erik tried to block her but she gave him such a
terrifying glimpse he crumbled and pushed himself against the wall,
I got up of the bed, wearing that weird patients gown, still
confused, a tornado was raging in my mind again, unstoppable,
unbearable, we went out from the room into a long blue corridor,
it was cold, like in a morgue
"James! James!" a very familiar voice screamed from the other end of it
"Are you o.k.? I was so worried!" he came closer, Tom, my only friend,
the friend who saved me, the friend who cared enough to come and visit me,
check how I feel, the one who can turn darkness into light.


"Tom…" I felt like a huge load fell of me,
'YOU KILLED A STUDENT!' I remembered…I thought the worse…
I thought it was Tom.
"I'm so glad you're here!" I said, he looked at me, confused at first
then he smiled
-"Aww…cut it out will you? Catch up later, we have to go!"
Mom lead us through the long and cold corridors of the hospital,
we ran down the stairs, through rooms and doctors, sick people
looked at us, they all moved as we passed and then I saw the
most shocking thing I could possibly see…a corpse…a lifeless
body…and I knew him…it felt like it was just a few moments
ago…in the toilets, my arm was numb, he laughed, saying how
pathetic I am, Mike, Mike the bully, suddenly everything
became blurry again
'kill him…hurt him…you're stronger, you're better…'
The cold tiny voice rushed through me again, I remembered…
'Let me take over…you'll have everything!'
I killed him…my desire to be someone else, someone who can
face people like Mike the bully…everything was clear again, his
dead and fat body laying there, in front of his killer…I froze, and it was cold.

Chapter Three

Coming up soon! ^^