That girl is a cowboy

         Jessica Miner checked the scores on the board at the back of the arena and noticed her longtime friend Frank across the fence. He made his way to where she was leaning on the fence.
         "When do you ride?" Frank asked Jessica as he leaned on the fence next to her. He was quite a bit taller then her. He had always said that her short stature was what made her such a great bull rider but Jessica liked to argue that it was due more to skill.
         "Sixteenth. Why do they always like to stick me in the middle?" Jessica commented bitterly.
         "Cause they know that it's the spot no one watches. They save the best for last and give the first spots to the newbies with potential." She nodded in agreement as they watched the next rider get bucked off in a matter of seconds.
         "So are we getting drunk tonight or what?" She asked abruptly. Frank chuckled.
         "You don't waste any time do you? That was the ten spot by the way, you better go get ready."
         "I was born ready," she said smugly.
         "Yeah, yeah...good luck." Frank said making his way to the stands that were sparsely occupied. Jessica had joined this rodeo as a wild card because the PBR tour had turned her down. Jessica raised a fuss over the PBR not being ready to take women. Frank reassured her that it was because she was young. Even when she wasn't all that young for the sport. Kids were coming in right from high school and making it to the PBR in no time. Frank had the fear that he was going to eat his words. The next five riders came and went, all bucked, and he watched Jessica intently as she worked onto her bull. She worked in such contrast to the other riders that it was a wonder not all the riders adopted her ways. He had to admit, they worked. Jessica had been on a streak this season, going almost the whole season without more then a handful of buck offs. As the season progressed and she just kept getting better he started to wonder why the PBR had turned her down. Jessica's bull was let out of the pen and she stuck to that bull like it was second nature. Frank chuckled, easy as pie Jessica would say. Jessica's score flashed on the board, 80. Frank felt quite a bit of pride for Jessica. She really was a great rider.
         Frank and Jessica had met in high school. They were a lot alike. Their families had owned ranches in a sleepy old town in Montana. They grew up around bulls and cows and lived a hard ranching life. Their lives differed now due to circumstances that neither of them could have foreseen when they were kids. Frank always wondered what had made them so different. Frank had once thought that they were just alike and he thought that it was what had spurred his crush on her. The crush was long gone but it was one of those situations where he knew that she had felt nothing for him and that always made him look back at their high school years with a what-if nostalgia. Jessica's father had died just before they graduated high school but Frank knew that she had become distant even before this. After Jessica had sold the ranch she went on the road for a few years riding. They had stayed in touch but it wasn't the same. At least not to him. Frank enjoyed seeing Jessica on a daily basis now that he was working some of his bulls at the rodeos. She was a bit rougher and quieter then she had been but she was still full of life like he remembered.

         Later that night Frank and Jessica did make it to the bar like Jessica had wanted. They were working on a hefty bar tab while swapping stories of the past. It was something that they had done every time she had been present. Jessica was getting into one of her stories about branding cows when she knocked into a built mid-sized man who looked a few years younger then the two.
         "Watch where the fuck you go," the young man said with a bit of hidden hatred.
         "Whoa...Ricky...relax." Jessica tried her best to keep a straight face while she said it.
         "Ricky? Who's Ricky?" Frank asked with a little slur.
         "Why don't you keep a leash on this bitch," Ricky spat.
         "Whoa, buddy," Frank said.
         "It's ok, he's just mad because next to me he looks like a fish out of water when he rides." Jessica joked.
         "Jess, we all know you ride well. It's no secret that you can ride, you just squeeze your legs together and ride it all night long." Ricky said through a devilish grin.
         "You might want to watch how you talk to a lady." Frank stood.
         "You might want to recheck your facts, son. That ain't no lady-" Ricky was cut short by a fist to his face. Jessica stood over him shaking her right hand.
         "Sometimes people make big mistakes. You were a very small mistake...small..." Jessica said softly. There was now quite a dark look on her face.
         "I think it's time to leave," Frank said. They paid their tab and got in Frank's truck. The silence between them was strained. Frank kept looking over at Jessica and then he couldn't contain himself. "You and this Ricky guy were involved then?"
         "Yeah. Long time ago." The dark look on Jessica's face seemed to darken And Frank let it lie. He wasn't sure how a long time ago could have happened in the few years that had passed but he shrugged it off.
         "Thanks for the ride," was all Jessica said to Frank when he dropped her off at her truck at the rodeo. She hoped that Frank would understand that she wasn't mad at him. She was mad at herself. She knew that she must seems so different to Frank but people do change. And she had changed. There was almost no part of her that was the same as that naive kid who he had gone to high school with. If she was mad about seeming so different to Frank then she was furious with herself for the mistake she had made in the past. Jessica had tried to justify the mistake she had made by excuses. She had been so heartbroken over the death of her father and her decision to sell the ranch. The part that really got to her was that she hadn't cared for Ricky at all. He had been there at the right time and place and he was one of those men that could sweet talk his way into Fort Knox. All that aside, the thing that was really gnawing away at her was her uncertainty with what she really did want. She had always had uncertainty about her attraction towards men or her lack of attraction. It was even a bit strange for her to express these thoughts to herself. She had grown up in a very rigid society where anything that was different was ridiculed or even feared. It hurt her to admit it but her father had been every shade of prejudice. He wouldn't have liked her having these thoughts.
         The hard truth was that Jessica had left everything she had known exactly when she had needed it the most. The biggest reason being that she didn't trust herself. She had realized that in her pain she was weak and she feared that she would slip up and make a mistake. The mistake she was bound to make was a little more vague to her then compared to now. She knew now that if she had stuck around she would have made the mistake she made with Ricky with Frank instead. And that fact gnawed on her the most. She would have lost the one friend she had ever had. Jess thought she must be the only person in the world that could feel guilt for something she didn't even do. The thing that bugged Jess the most about her little big mistake was that it peeked her confusion. Now that she knew she could physically be with a man it didn't help her situation much.
         Jess found herself walking around the deserted rodeo instead of heading to her truck and driving back to Frank's ranch. She didn't like the thought of facing him with these thoughts running through her head. Sometimes she felt like he could see right through her and that he knew all but that was bull, Frank was oblivious. Jess paused and leaned on a makeshift aluminum pen where someone was washing a very young looking colt. She was trying not to stare but something about the way the moon hit the water that seemed to grab her attention. She was staring at the puddle when her attention broke.
         "Hey!" The young woman shouted at her to break her thoughts.
         "Yeah," Jess replied softly.
         "Would you mind grabbing the gate so I can pull him through?" She asked Jess. Jess said nothing but did as she asked. The colt was quite persistent in staying by the cool water on this hot night. "Come on, Benny. Stubborn as your mother...sorry, he was out in the sun all day and...well..." Jess again said nothing but slipped into the pen and pushed the colt from behind. He finally moved and Jess pushed him all the way to the trailer at the end of the parking lot. Once the door to the trailer was locked the woman gave a heavy sigh. "More trouble then he's worth that one. Thanks for your help."
         "You out here by yourself?" Jess said looking at the trailer and empty pickup.
         "Yeah, couldn't find any help on short notice. Wasn't going to come up but there was an opening and I'm a sucker so..."
         "You want some help loading that tack?" Jess asked.
         "Yeah, if you could spare a minute that would be great," she responded. Jess nodded and helped throw all the odds and ends in the bed of the truck. The woman looked around briefly, "Thanks for your help, you want me to buy you a drink or something?"
         "No, thanks. I think I've had enough drinks for tonight."
         "I'm sorry, you were on your way somewhere when I distracted you,"
         "No, just home. Thanks for the offer...uh...I didn't catch your name."
         "Liz and you're Jessica Miner. I saw you ride. First time I've seen a female out there and you're good. There's quite a bit of talk going on about you."
         "Oh, really. Is that good or bad?" Jess replied musingly. She was glad it was dark she was feeling a bit hot under the collar.
         "Depends, I say good. Let 'em talk. Better then trashing other people." Liz said and Jess gave a short laugh.
         "Better me then you," she said with that crooked smirk of hers.
         "No, that's not what I meant...I just..." Liz replied with a foot-in-mouth tone.
         "That's fine. Why else would I still be riding if I wasn't impervious to their bullshit?" Jess was smiled wildly now. The situation would have been less amusing if she was sober.
         "Right, now with that embarrassment out of the way, I should go. Gotta be back early and get ready for my ride."
         "What are you in?" Jess asked.
         "Barrels, I know it's boring but Bessie is faster then any I've ever had so I figured I give it a shot."
         "Bessie? You named your horse Bessie?"
         "Yeah, it was a joke between...well lets just leave it at it was a joke."
         "Right...I gotta get back, so I'll see you around then?" Jess felt stupid the second she had said that.
         "Yeah, I'll be around." She said as she hopped into the truck and started it up. Jess took her time walking back to her truck. It was one of those nights, she thought. The kind of night that you hate to have when you go through it but find rather entertaining later on. Jess did laugh at herself for the way tonight had panned out on her way to the truck.
         "Better just get back to the ranch," she said to herself as she pulled herself into the pickup and started it. Jess thought it funny that she didn't think of Frank's ranch as home when that's where she always stayed when she was in town. The truth was that Jess didn't think of any place as home. This town was the closest thing that she had and she scoffed at the idea because this place had never given her anything. In fact, it had just taken. Her father and her ranch. Jess pulled into the ranch and made her way to the far end of the dirt road where the workers ranch was. The small two room ranch was where the seasonal workers used to stay back when the ranch was built. When Frank's family came into the ranch they used the spare house for guests. Jess guessed that's what she was, a guest. Frank had always been good to her and that was one of the reasons she was so hard on herself when it came to Frank. The truth was that Jess was hard on herself about everything, all the time. She guessed that's what made her who she was. Frank used to joke about it and say it was the cowboy in her.