Regret

She sits on the cliff top, staring wistfully out across the ocean.  A strong wind whips her long blonde hair around her face and dries her silent tears as they roll down her cheeks.  The sound of the waves crashing on the rocks way below is loud and unwelcoming, a lone seagull circles in the grey sky above.
The thin dress she wears flaps wildly.  She is chilled to bone but she does not feel the cold, she is not really there.  Her thoughts are somewhere else, far away from this place she calls home.

*    *    *    *    *

Five days ago
“Ok, Sweetie, I love you too… yes I promise to bring you back a treasure.  Can you hand the phone over to Daddy?” she smiles, picturing her little girl.  She would be five in a few months, and she was waiting for the day her baby would go to school and really start growing up.
“Sharma, you go and put your shoes on,” she heard through the phone, then “Darling, I thought you were coming home today, what happened?”
“I’m going to be away for another week.  I’m so sorry Liam, it’s just my boss wants this all finished before the end of the month.” Liam sighed into the phone.  There was a pause then he replied “You’ve already been away for five weeks, surely coming home one week early isn’t going to affect anything?” he pleaded.
“They need me up here, Liam.”
“Yea?  And what about us, your family!  What about Sharma, she needs you too.  I need you.” His voice was tired and sad.
“You don’t think I want to come home?” she retorted “I miss you and Sharma more then anything, but if this doesn’t get finished I don’t get paid, and if I don’t get paid what are we going to do then?”
“You aren’t the only one who makes money in this house, you know.”
“Oh, yes that’s right!  You bring home a few hundred a month don’t you.  That is no money to live off.  I work hard to give Sharma the life she deserves, so don’t make me the enemy working.” As soon as the words had come out of her mouth, she regretted saying what she had.
“I have to get Sharma to kindy.” Liam hung up the phone with a bang.

Three days ago
“You had a fight.  So what?  As soon as you get home you’re both going to be so happy to see each other it will all be forgotten.” Alice calls from across the lunch table.
“I know you’re right, but I still feel bad.  Our last few calls have all ended in one of us getting angry.” She calls back.  It was true; she and Liam always seemed to be arguing about something, even when she was home.  She loved him deeply but they just could not agree on anything these days.  She had taken this job offer because she thought that time apart would fix things, but it had not.  If anything, it had made it worse.
“Don’t worry about it, darl,” Alice smiles at her as they leave the cafeteria to go back to work “Every thing will be fine.”

“No, you don’t understand.  I already told my husband that I have to stay an extra week.  I can’t stay for another two.  I have a little girl!” She pleads desperately. 
“I’m sorry, that’s just the way it has to be.  A major company is relying on this to be finished and we are way behind.”
“Is there anyway I can get away?  Surely you don’t need me anymore,”
“No, you are staying, and that’s final.” She stands there for a moment, stunned, then turns and hurries out of the office, trying to hold back to the tears that are burning her eyes.

Two days ago
“Hello?” Liam’s voice comes through the phone, along with some of Sharma’s favourite music and her little voice chatting to her father.
“Darling, it’s me.  How are you?” She stands by the pay phone, twirling the cord around her fingers nervously.
“I’m fine.  I wasn’t expecting you to call today.”
“Are you driving?” she asks, hearing she distance in his voice as he concentrates on the road.
“Yes, I just picked Sharla up from your mothers.”
“Oh,” she took a breath “My boss, he…”
“You’re not coming home on Friday, are you.”
“No.” she replied quietly “They need me for another couple of weeks.”
“They can’t do that, can they?”
“They can.  They have.”
“Why didn’t you argue the point?  They can’t keep you there if you need to come home.” Liam accuses.  Sharma is still chatting away, and her music is still playing.
“I did argue the point!  I did.  Why won’t you believe that I hate this just as much as you do?”
“Because you go away so often.  Every time you go away, you complain how you miss us, but you always go back.  You always leave again,”
“That’s not fair!”
“It’s true damn it.”
“Well, what do you want me to do then, since you have all the answers.”
“Don’t start getting like that.  You know how it easy it would be to find another job just as good as the one you have now.”
“You want me to choose between my family and my job.”
“It shouldn’t be a choice.  Your family should be your main priority, but it’s not.  Your job is.” Liam yells into the phone.  The line goes dead, and she slams the phone back on it’s hook.  How dare he hang up on her.  With tears blurring her vision and her throat tightening, she sits heavily on the bench next to the phone booth. Hot tears roll down her face in loud aching, uncontrollable sobs

Earlier that day
“We believe that he had been taking a phone call just before the accident,” The police officer said, looking at her sympathetically.  Iris squeezes her daughter’s hand, but she just sits, listening to the officer and remembering the phone conversation.
“We believe your husband didn’t see the stop sign,”
“You mean he wasn’t paying attention to the road?” Iris asks
  “Yes, he was distracted.  Like I said, we believe it was a phone call.  When the truck hit the drivers side, it caused the car to roll.  Both your husband and your daughter were killed instantly.”
“Dear god.” Iris curses under her breath, wiping her eyes with a tissue and squeezing her daughter’s hand again.  But instead of squeezing back this time, she stands and walks quickly toward the door of the police station, the tears she was holding back burning her eyes.
“Where are you going?” Iris calls through her own tears.  But she does not answer.  All she can think about is that last phone call, and the way Liam had hung up on her.  But he had not hung up after all.  He had died.

*    *    *    *    *

The wind seemed to strengthen as the sun sank further over the horizon, and the temperature dropped.  Goosebumps formed on her skin and her hair stung her cold face as it thrashed around her face and neck.  She touches her wedding ring, trying to feel Liam’s spirit.  But all she can feel is the chill on her skin and the growing empty feeling inside.  Tears began falling down her face again as she realised she would never hold her baby in her arms again, never feel Liam’s arms around her. 
“I love you,” she whispers then, without thinking, she lunges forward and leaps from the cliff.  For just a moment time seems to freeze and she hangs in the air, metres from where she had just sat and looking down at the swirling waters below her.  Regret fills the empty feeling inside her, and she cried tears of panic as time begins again and she falls.