When I was Your Age

When I was your age


    How many times have you heard that beginning line “When I was your age…” only to roll your eyes and think ‘here we go again’? Too many, right? I mean, no one would believe such insane tales like, “ When I was your age we had to walk barefoot fifty miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways.”  Or, “When I was your age we did not have our own rooms. We had to share a room, and all ten of us kids had to sleep in one bed.”
    Why do they say things like that? Do they not know that you have been in the family all of your life, and you know that there are only two siblings for you father, and one for your mother? Not to mention the fact that you have paid enough attention in school to know that it is highly unlikely that a child could walk a hundred miles in one day, shoed, or otherwise, and that it is not scientifically possible for a hill to be only uphill both directions.  No, your parents do not think that you are the most unintelligent life form on the face of the earth, probably quite the contrary. Then why?
    First of all, it’s not entirely their fault. These tales of horror were told to them by their parents, who were told by their parents, and so on. I think it is one of the laws of being a parent. Quite possibly certain phrases are subliminally implanted in their brains in the delivery room, such as “you can put an eye out with that” or “no jumping on the bed” or “if you eat before going into the water you will get cramps and die.”
    The world may never know the true motivation behind such claims, but one theory is that they are meant to keep you safe. Another theory is that it’s just an amusing way (for the parents) to tell you “no” and to make you feel guilty for even asking for your own car, room, or new pair of Nike’s.
    So what can you do about it? Nothing. But you can look forward to the day when you, yourself become a parent, and can relay the horrific details of how when you were their age, every one in the house had to share one computer. Or that you had to ride a bus two miles to school, uphill in the snow, both ways, without a cell phone. By age six your children will think you are a god for surviving such torture. By age ten, they will begin to question the possibility. And by age fifteen they will want to have you committed to a mental institution because surly you have lost your grip on reality. 
    You can insist now, that you would never, ever, use any of those lines on your own children. But the truth of the matter is that some strange phenomenon happens the very second that you become a parent. A mind-altering occurrence that changes the way you think, feel, and act… forever. Sure, it starts out small, with things like “don’t put that in your mouth” or “you can’t go outside in the rain without shoes.” But it gets worse. Soon you will find yourself telling your child “put the stick down, you could put an eye out with that.” Before you know it, your child will come to you with some outlandish request and you will hear yourself saying, “When I was your age…”