The greatest of All

As he was leaving I stood up to walk him to the door of my small room and got emerged in the awkard feeling of not knowing what kind of good bye will this third meeting be. Will it be a kiss? will it be a handshake? will there be anything at all? My head was screaming in thought, did I scare him? what will his mind make out of our long and personal discussion? What will he think of me? He continued in heading towards the door in slow steps while progressing into a conclusion to our discussions and stories but leaving something out of every topic we went through in order to show me that this will be continued. All statements ended, he pulled down the door handle and he leaned his head outside, his body turned towards me and my face approached his. My head was screaming louder in hesitation but his face leaned forward towards mine and in hesitation for his confusing movement I kissed his right cheek and as I pulled my face a little backwards and started approaching the left cheek our eyes met but our lips did not. I continued and kissed his left cheek causing him to hesitate and head outside my door. Off he went to meet his brother to continue with his day and back I was; alone, in my room, within my thoughts and confused feelings.

What has just happened? what the hell did we talk about? Why? What will this be? A beginning or an end? What do i want this to be? Oh god, another decision to take. I don't even know where I'll be next month and I just dragged myself into this and worst than that is that I don't even know what THIS is. Another link to happiness and fulfillment and yet another weak point for attack from the biggest and greatest enemy of love, fear. Fear emerged in my thoughts and the fear spread in my head and in fear I will indulge my escapisms of truth and reality.

Good. Lately I have run out of escaping methods, I tried everything and suffered every addictive alternative but now that fear has strike it will stay and it willl hold my decisions untill the right time comes and it will strike again, damaging my future and forcing my plans. Like a disease it will spread and start to mutate to all sorts of situations I will encounter and it will strike yet again at the right time to the right thought and it will damage and it will keep damaging until the sun shines for the first in a scottish winter and it will bring together the two young confused and shy men.

Love will start fighting its greatest enemy and as long as the sun keeps shining Love will be fighting and love will be winning. Changing dreams into thoughts and evolving them into plans. Creating the future and aiding my plans.

But this time I cannot foresee the outcome. I have a greater decision to take the decision of staying here away from my country, away from home.

Will the sun shine?