Fake Smile

Waking up in plain white sheets, but that doesn't mean my dreams were quite that simple. It doesn't mean that sleeping on them is simple either. I'm leaning across the bed for my laptop; he opens his eyes and smiles. I disguise the dread in a giggle and nestle into his arms as if that were my original purpose.
What made him smile, looking at me this early in the morning, I do not know. My hair is a mess, which is the problem with styling your hair. Although it looks cute at the time, the next morning it'll look twice as bad then if you'd left it natural. I hadn't washed my face the night before, so my makeup must have been smeared across my face. I decide that his smile must have been in humor, and ignore that he may have just been happy to see me.
He smells my neck. Yes, that's definitely what just happened, and to top it off manages to say in his sigh, "Mmm... you're amazing." I giggle again and hope it didn't show as awkward as I felt. I realize I haven't said a word and wonder if my voice will crack if I do. Then I wonder if I would care either way, but wouldn't want to ruin this idiotic "perfection." I was thinking of an excuse so I could get on my laptop, fighting the urge to exclaim "it's more interesting than you."
He gets up then, brushing my arm with his hand and smiles at me the whole time. I try to look as seductive as I can in my state. He steps into the bathroom and only closes the door halfway. Now I need no excuse, and my laptop is on my lap about the same second he steps out of the room.
I open up Word of course and wonder if I have time to write a poem about the same useless guy. Of course I don't. I get into my e-mail to see if Jan responded to me, asking her about what one of the words in a carpet company's jingle was, because it bothered me so much that I couldn't remember.
I'm so pathetic.
Shutting the laptop I yawn and sigh at the same time, kneeling on my bed I look at myself in the mirror from across the room. I smile at myself half to see if it made me look anymore attractive and also just to be goofy. He walks out of the bathroom just in time to see me smiling at myself in the mirror, and I decide to turn my smile to him then, instead of being embarrassed.
I realized then how fake I am. How this man, this wonderful man, if he really knew who I was he would leave me and immediately find better. If he knew the games I played and understood my sick, pathetic mind he would probably never call me up for another date again, he would never spend the night, he wouldn't be alright with the fact that just about an hour after he leaves I'll have another man taking his place that's just as clueless. Swept with guilt, I decide to parade my thoughts back into his and my reality.
This is when I realized that my head was cocked and my face was looking at him in complete wonder.
"What's wrong baby?"
He says that and then strokes my back. Oh how perfect!
"I don't deserve you..." and these were the first words I said all morning. I've never said anything like this to him before. Of course the only response I get is a you're-so-ridiculous type of laugh. Then I smile and for the first time noticed how much I love his arms, making a mental note to compliment him on them soon.