Qualms of a Coward

Qualms of a Coward

I can’t speak,
My throat is so dry with the longing to vocalize what I’m feeling
To pray to God to save me from myself
I’m choking on the words in my throat
Words that I’ll never have the courage to say
I want to scream at you, tell you that there is more to me then what’s on the surface
That there is more to life then what you see at first glance.

I can’t move,
Can’t work my legs, I feel useless
I need to dance, to show you
Show you all the joy and pain in my life that I can’t vocalize
Need, the need that is tearing at my insides to get up and run
Run long and far, far away where I can be by myself
Run to show you that I’m not chained to the rules and regulations of your society

I can’t breath,
You’re expectations of what I should be are suffocating me
The shortage of air makes me dizzy and sick
I have to breath, I have to live, have to stay alive.
I have to breath so I can tell the world how blessed they are to be here, but I cannot speak
Have to live because of all those who have died, died not knowing
Must stay alive so I can tell the world, so I can run- dance, show my joy, my pain. I can’t.

I can’t think,
My thoughts are becoming corrupt     
Corrupt because you’re filling it with lies, blasphemy
My heart is beating slower; I’m drowning in the lies spinning in my head
The bad, the good, the right, the wrong, it’s all blurring, so unclear
The world is fading, going dark, need to speak, to move, but can’t remember why
Why? I need to remember why…

I have to,
I have to remember
Need my voice to tell the world to never underestimate the people that surround them
I can’t move, but I must, to run away from the lies, run to follow the truth
Have to breath, to stay alive and show them my joy my pain,
Our pain.
Must think, I have to rise above the lies

And I can,
I can speak, and scream to the world
But will I be loud enough
I can dance and run, you could watch me
But will you really see
Is my life really worth anything, if people look and listen to me but don’t see and hear me
Are my doubts, worries, the lack of courage to speak, part of the lies, or is it all in my head?