Have you ever loved a man so much?

Have you ever loved a man so much

that you lost yourself

that you looked in the mirror

and saw his face?



have you ever loved a man so much

that he cut his hand

and you bleed?



Bleed

bleed

have you?



Have you ever loved a man so much

that your thoughts were no longer your own

that you sat in the dark

and wondered

where you began

and where he ended

have you?



Have you ever loved a man so much

that you spent your days

thinking how to please him

get it right

not mess up

loved him

till each breath you took

was not your own?



Tell me?



Have you ever sat in a rocking chair

trying to find yourself

not knowing if you like red or blue

or maybe purple

because every thought was his

ever need belonged to him

until you were trapped within “love”



Have you ever loved a man like that?



Where nothing you do was never good enough

always being pushed to perfection

kneeing at his alter

praying for salvation

never seeing the face of God



Have you ever loved a man

so much

that when he hit you

you blamed yourself

wondered why

you could never get it right.



Loved him

so much

that when he left you

you sat at the kitchen table

and could not remember if you liked fish or chicken

because the choice was always his

could not decide

what to wear

where to go

who to see

how long to grow your hair

what size to

never over 120

the choice was always his

have you

ever

loved

a

man

that

much?



Have you ever loved a man so much

that when he discarded you

like used up rags

stepped on your heart

backed up

and stepped on it again

you asked yourself

what is wrong with me

why was I never enough

why could I not love him enough

to make him want to stay

Realizing that what you thought was your love for a man

was

hate

of

self.



Have you?



Well I have

I have loved a man that much

so much

that I lost myself

needed to remember who I was

what I like

needed to find myself

again

still searching

I still don’t know if I like red or blue or purple



I pray I never love a man that much again.