I Love You, My Son

You have been good for me. You have challenged me, helped me grow as a person, and reminded me to be me. And, you have frustrated me to no end. Don't get me wrong. I love you most dearly. I would do anything to protect you. And, yet, there are so many days I don't want to be around you.

How can one person be so needy? You are only 10 years old. As much as I love you I just don't understand why you have to hold my hand walking down the street, try to stay up later with requests for a cup of water, and consistently talk about a cartoon when I am trying to concentrate on my work. And, the worst thing you have done to me so far, why must you pretend to be sick so I have to take a day off work putting my job in jeopardy. Get a grip here. I love you. You are the most important person in my life (besides your sister -- you're both equally important). But, cut me some slack here.

You may not realize that I have given up pursuing my career goals until you and your sister are old enough to leave home. Perhaps, you don't understand that I have not been able to advance at any of my jobs because I have to adjust my schedules to fit both your sister's and your needs. And, when you miss school just because you want to spend time with me you miss out on some great learning opportunities. I didn't have the same chances you have been given because my own mother held me back as much as she could. You graduate in 8 years. Don't blow your future. I have faith that you can do better than me. One of my hopes for you is that you can live independently as a responsible citizen. Growing up can be scary. I get that. But, so can not growing.

Besides not advancing my position at work, I have not really had time for me. When I go to the bathroom you have to talk to me. When I'm measuring ingredients for a recipe your talking makes me lose count. It's hard catching the weather report with a constant interruption. I don't mind waiting until you go to bed so I can use the computer. So, why do you get out of bed to ask for water, to complain about a pain, to complain about neighborhood sounds keeping you awake, to complain about a nightmare when you haven't been in bed long enough for one, or to tell me about something you forgot to tell me earlier almost every night? Why do you have to interrupt my work?

Please, don't get me wrong. I love you so much. I enjoy talking to you and with you, playing games with you, and helping you learn new things. It is a delight exchanging ideas about the world, scientific possibilities, and historical events. I think we have a great time going to the art museums and discussing what we saw. I absolutely love being around you. You are my heart. Just give me a break sometimes before my heart really does break from all the attention.

(535 words)