Hey, Mr Brownstar...

    Like the time honored holiday greeting, “Merry Christmas!”, it has been said many times and many ways: “Asshole!”. Too often though, we take the ubiquitous phrases of our modern vernacular for granted and fail to comprehend the true meaning behind the words. This results in misunderstandings, distortions in communication, and eventually complete pandemonium as exemplified by the fall of the Roman Empire.

    Case in point, if one thinks about it, being called an ‘asshole’ is pretty nasty business. However, studies have shown that most of us say ‘asshole’ without actually understanding the implications of the insult. ‘Asshole’ rolls off of our societal tongue with the same ease as saying ‘cheeseburger’, or ‘Paris Hilton’, or even ‘over dependence on oil’. Ponder on what exactly an asshole is and does--in the literal sense--and you will quickly realize the true meaning of the common saying. To call someone an asshole is to literally say that they are, or resemble, a ring-like muscular organ in the body that's sole purpose is to manage the outflow of waste matter in the form of solids and gases. Now, maybe the medical definition doesn't sound so bad after all. But one close encounter with that 'waste matter' and you instantly know you are dealing with some pretty shitty stuff. 

    However, the question still remains: can someone actually be an asshole? Of course not. What the insult is implying is that the target shares similar qualities--not in a literal sense--to an asshole. We are dealing with abstracts here so you have to get your mind in a metaphoric state:

    An asshole (the organ) excretes shit.

    An asshole (the person) excretes shit (metaphorical).

    The shit can be verbal or even physical if their actions are worthy of being called shitty. Now, what verbal or physical actions are worthy of being deemed shitty is generally regulated by one's society...which would make society like the large intestines...? Well, that is a topic best explored another time. I hope this clears some things up for you.