Loneliness

Claire.

      It was 1am in the morning. A gentle breeze was blowing, whipping up a chill down her neck. She was here again, doing what had slowly become a ritual over the past few weeks since she moved to a new city.

      Everyday, after returning from the newspaper firm, where she spent most of her day taking dictations, delivering memos, making coffee for an ever demanding and unappreciative boss, she would come here. She didn't really like her work, not the people, her tight office, nor the stories they printed in the papers. She just liked the fact that it kept her busy, active, preoccupied. That way she wouldn't be able to concentrate on her thoughts, her gnawing thoughts.

      Yes, those thoughts, that continually haunted her. Thoughts she could never escape no matter how much she changed locations. Up here, on the roof of the Luthers Apartment where she had hurriedly taken the only available room, at the topmost floor of the 30 storey building. Not many people liked this floor. It was quiet, cold and lonely most of the time. But that was the reason why she took a room there. Wanting to run away from everyone and everything.

Poor Claire.

    She had never known warmth. She ran away from home when she was 15. Her dad, a drunk never accepted her as his child. He always wanted a boy. He said girls where weak and good for nothing. Her mom, the only person that could show her love died when she was 6. Since then, anyone that had ever been nice to her, she lost. She didn't have any friends, for fear that she might lose them.

Dear Claire.

      She had lost faith in people completely. She talked to no one at the her apartment building. She avoided close friendships at the office. She was indeed alone, with no family, friend or even foe. So she thought. But her best friend and worst foe lied within her.

      From where she was, she could hear the distant sounds of the city, ever busy but distant. She stood at the ledge that  was placed there by a thoughtful architect. Many times, it had stopped her form jumping down. She stood there,hoping someone down would notice her and call out to her. But no one ever did except for the owl that often flew by.

      Claire, she had shut up her world to outsiders thinking she was closing the doors to grief and hurt, not realizing that she had locked love outside too. Slowly, tears flowed down her cheeks. Cold tears. Tears borne from the very depth of her soul. It was all she could do, helpless as she felt.

      She looked up, at the sound of a plane searing the midnight sky, revealing a lone star, shining ever so bright. A new hope surged up in her, seeing that star. All alone in the dark skies, yet showing forth its light. She could shine like that star. She could prevail even with all the drabness. She had survived thus far, she could go on one more day.

      So Claire, gathering enough strength within, went back to her quiet apartment, waiting for the day to break, hoping it would bring a new dawn in her life. As she thought on these things, sleep crept in. 


To my dear friend, who suffered depression for so many years.

Frankie Oliha