Two Less Lonely People

Two Less Lonely People




      My name is Sammy. I met Smack Brady when he was seven but I remember it like it was yesterday.    The kid had been  waiting for a friend his whole life.  He had a couple of pet cockroaches that he pretended to hold conversations with and they  kept him entertained well enough but they couldn’t help him.  I mean, man, the kid’s mother gave birth to him in  the living room of a crack house. Only by the grace of something, there happened to be someone there who wasn’t higher than a kite and managed to bring him into the world alive. Then mommy dearest named him after her drug of choice and a friggin’ television show.  Didn’t she love telling those stories to Smack and her addict friends.  Like she was proud of the fact she was so fucked up. 
   
      For as long as me or Smack could remember the bitch would yell and beat him for reasons no one knew but herself.  He never went to school and had no contact with people.  All he knew about life he learned from watching the old black and white television set in his room, so he knew his life wasn’t right, yet it was so ingrained in him he didn’t dare question or go against his mother.  Who could blame him-he was just a little kid.  But  you’d think somewhere along the line some one would have stepped in but  no one did,-until I came along.  I guess I should have made myself  known before the bitch got the brilliant idea to loan him out to men for a small fee to support her habit,  then maybe he would have had the balls to stand up to the mutha fucker and  would have had some fight in him, but like everyone else, I just sat back and waited.    I couldn’t do too much to help him even then. I mean to make what was happening stop, but I did help him take his mind off things by telling him knock -knock jokes and stories.  And in between we’d talk.  I’d give him advice.  I think my proudest moment is when Smack was thirteen and he ran away. I got the idea from an episode of  a television show. He was scared as all hell but he did it and he never went back.  It was rough but with my guidance and a couple of new additions to our little family Smack did all right.

      I taught Smack how to read between the lines because it came to my attention while living on the streets that no one ever means what they say and believing any different is asking for a pile of hurt.  I call that lesson “Survival 101“.  Smack got real good at it too.

      Also in the name of saving Smack’s feelings, I convinced him he was a sexy stud.  When the girls he hit on-thanks to Rose - said mean things to him, he believed it was  because they couldn't handle his manliness. For a long time Smack was waiting for his super model to come along, because only she would know the isolation of being too hot.

      Rose is someone who popped in not too long after Smack took off.  And if you ask me she's pretty silly.  She's all into love and romance and she convinced Smack to look for love when I was napping. To make matters worse, she talked him into listening to Air Supply.  Rose had him blubbering like an idiot. Before I could stop him, Smack sent a letter to Air Supply asking them to write a song about him and his future lady love. She knew, as we all know, once Smack is convinced of something, he doesn't let it go.  She had our boy lost in love.  Air Supply-Blah! 

    But I guess between Rose and Carlie, they gave Smack what I couldn’t. Carlie is just some chick with the hots for Ron Popeil and she likes to pretend her and Smack are in the audience for his infomercials.  Who would have thought Air Supply and Ron Popeil could change someone’s life?

    It all started with Smack’s  orange moped . He was so frigging proud of it. He called the DMV to see what he needed to do to get his wheels legal. The lady said she had to look up the information. Smack knew she was really saying she was going to make it difficult for him to get his baby on the road.  Angry at her audacity -as anyone would be - Smack told her a thing or two.  Then went to the corner store to get some answers.  But the clerk didn't know any more than the professionals. Yes, Smack was mad, because all he wanted to hear was he could put his pride and joy on the road immediately and no one was telling him that.  So he argued with the clerk.

    "Well, I could be wrong."  she stammered

    "You are wrong, Miss Lady!  You are all wrong and I'll prove it to you."

    All those people wanting to bust Smack's dreams.  He was used to it and wouldn't let them, not this time.  Not the DMV bitch.  Not the clueless clerk.  Not even Air Supply if they decided to add their own two cents, which he knew they would if they ever got around to writing his song.

    With the grandeur of a king, my boy opened the door to the shed in his back yard. There she sat in all her orange glory.  "Here I am."  Smack caressed the torn vinyl seat.  "But what are we doing standing around here?  Let's go see the world together." Smack took the moped out of the shed and started on his way.

    Your helmet, dear, Rose reminded him

    Smack put his hand up to his mouth.  "Oops, silly me.  I almost forgot."  He licked the palm of his hand and tried to tame his black rats nest.  Then he reached into the shed and took out the helmet. 

"Safety first."  Smack said as he slipped the piece of plastic on his head. With that he took his orange moped and went merrily on his way down the road.  Bumpity, bump, bump look at Smack go.

    He saw her in front of the corner store.

    She was an angel walking.

    Smack beeped his horn.

    She turned.

    "Hey, good looking, what cha' got cooking?"

    "Loser."

    Damn Ron Popeil!  What horrible advice he gave in the area of l'amour.  But Smack was not deterred.  He drove his moped onto the sidewalk in front of her. 

    She walked around him.

    Smack followed her a couple of blocks before she stopped.  He felt his heart race.  It was the moment.  The woman of his dreams would want a kiss for sure and if she was good enough, he'd even let her take his wheels for a spin.

    "Go away freak."

    The first thoughts in Smack's head were, Damn machismo!  It was powerful stuff.  Too powerful.  He couldn't blame the girl.  He blamed God for cursing him with enough sex appeal for ten men.

    Smack shook his fist toward the heavens in indignation.  "I blame you!"  He fell to his knees.

    The girl, bless her heart, took the opportunity to escape.  Poor misunderstood Smack.  If only she knew the torment of his soul.

    "And I blame you Mr. Ron Popeil!"

    "Yeah, don't use Popeil for the love stuff."

    When Smack heard the voice he had to run through for a minute.  He eliminated me right away because I'm a guy and the voice belonged to a woman. 

    Rose?  No.  Not high pitched enough.

    Carlie?  Not screechy enough.

    When our friend was convinced it wasn't any of the voices in his head, he got off his knees and called out, "But he makes a hell of a turkey baster."

    The girl who owned the voice stepped out of the bushes.  "Injector.  It's an injector."

    What a weirdo, Smack decided upon glancing at the  girl.  Not his type at all.

    "Hey, I like your wheels." she said, admiring Smack's orange moped.

    "You can't have it." 

    "I bet you race her."

    Unbelievably, the thought had never entered our minds.  Smack pounded on his forehead.  "Damn it to hell.  A great idea and it has to come from," Smack eyed the girl accusingly, "her."

    "You mean you've never raced her?"

    "I was going to, if it's any of your business."

    "Could I watch?"

    Smack had to consider for a moment.  For the first time in a while he wasn't sure what a person was really saying and Rose was singing 'Making Love Out of Nothing at All', so I couldn't get through to him. 

      "Yeah.  But don't keep your eyes open too much." 

      "Oh, I know the evil eye thing and all."

      How did she know what he meant?  No one ever knew what Smack meant in spite of his clarity.  "Do you have a gift?"

    "For knowing what people mean?"

    Smack nodded.

    "I wish!  Just lucky guesses."

    Hmm, Smack thought, she wasn't overpowered by his sex appeal, yet she showed him she knew it was there.  Interesting-very interesting.  She wasn't a super model but...

    "Come on and let's go find a car crazy enough to race this baby."

    At a quiet intersection about a block away, Smack found the perfect victim.  A blue vintage Transam waiting for the light to turn green. 

    "Hey, you feel brave?"  Smack yelled to the closed window.
   
    The girl stood by clapping, a goofy look of excitement on her face.

    Smack revved the engine and when the light turned green, he was off!  The Transam turned left.  Undaunted, Smack brought his baby up to 20mph and the front tire fell off.  He flipped over the handle bars and landed on his head before his back hit the ground.  Good thing he was wearing a helmet.

    The girl ran over to him.  "What a cheater that guy was."

    And with those words, Smack looked into the girls brown eyes and we passed out. 

    We awoke to the girl standing over him.  "I'm glad you're not dead." 

    "Me too."  Smack rubbed his helmet.

    "I like you.  What's your name?"

    Smack smiled.  Finally someone who said what they meant.  "I like you too. Smack Brady."

    "My name's Eugenia Freeman."

    He raised his eyebrows.  "I'd ask you to take my wheels for a spin, but well," Smack snorted. 

    Eugenia snorted back.  Smack snorted louder.  She snorted louder.  It became a freaking pig fest.

    Enough!,  I screamed as loud as I could. 

    "Enough!",  Smack yelled.

    Eugenia's snorts became wails as tears fell down her face.  Geez, what a time for her not to get it.
   
    "Look what you made me do, Sammy!  She's crying. I don't want her to cry.  I like her."

    You don't even know her, man.

    "You're right but I will know her when I take Miss Eugenia Freeman out on a date!"

    Well, didn't that just prick her tiny ears right up.  Eugenia, reached out her hand to my boy.  "Oh, I thought you'd never ask."  She pulled Smack to his feet.  "Hey, if it's okay with you, maybe we could go do karaoke. There's an Air Supply song I can really belt out."

    Smack nodded then gave her a noogie. They started walking back toward the store, the moped forgotten. 

    "We've got to sing Two Less Lonely People, Eugenia."

    She smiled.  "You are a mind reader, Mr. Smack Brady."

    "It's a gift," Smack agreed.

    Smack walked Eugenia home.  Turns out she lived in the house where she came out of the bushes, within walking distance of Smack's house.  Of all the shit luck.  I didn't like the idea of my buddy getting messed up with the likes of that one.  She wasn't like the other chicks Smack went for.  This one actually liked him and she was pushy.  Pushy people tend to want to change things and Smack didn’t' need any changing.  He was doing all right just as he was. I tried to tell him Eugenia wasn't right for him.  She'd only use him and hurt him.

    "Sammy, Eugenia's a nice lady and it's not like we're getting married, it's only a date for crying out loud."

    Well, I like her dear.  It's nice you found someone,  Rose put in her two cents.

    He didn't find anyone.  It's just a date.

    Imagine if we met Ron Popeil?  Carlie said.   

    That would be darling, dear.

    The way he handles that injector...

    Jesus Christ all mighty, will you broads shut up!

    Smack stood in the middle of the cross walk with his hand over his ears.  "Will you all shut up!  It's just a fucken date!"

    He didn't like it when we argued or talked at once.  Sometimes when it happened too much, he'd get really mad and they'd take him away to the hospital.  None of us liked that, so we left him alone about the whole Eugenia thing.  He might of gotten hurt but right then he was happy about it and that's what was important.

    I'll tell you what, you would not have wanted to be me at that damn karaoke bar when they went on their date.  Smack, I'm used to his ahm, singing and Rose, she's not too bad but you put them together and include Carlie and Eugenia, they sounded like cats in heat, without the melody.  I certainly couldn't sleep through that racket, so I was stuck.  I was so glad when they took a break.

    "I love singing Air Supply.  I can't wait until they write a song for me so I can sing that one too."  Smack said.

    "Air Supply's writing a song for you?"  Eugenia was excited. "What are the chances?"

    "Well, I've been writing letters for the past ten years asking them to, but I'm still waiting.  I might give up here soon."

    Eugenia put her hand on top of Smacks.  "No, no you mustn't give up.  I know, I'll send them letters asking them to write a song for you.  When they see there's a demand for it, they'll write it."

    That was it.  The date was more than a date from that moment on.  But just to cement it, when Smack walked her to her door Eugenia turned to my friend and looked into his squinty green eyes.  She took in the shit smelling expression on his face then her hand caressed his rough cheek. "You are a very handsome man, Mr. Smack Brady."

    "You're no super model, Miss Eugenia Freeman."

    She frowned.

    "No," he pushed her shoulder, "Stupid, I just meant I always thought no one could handle my hunkiness except for a model."

    Eugenia's face lit up and I have to say she was a pretty little thing when it did.  It took away the sad, haunted look she had about her.  That same look Smack had before I came along.

    Eugenia was around a lot and the woman could talk.  We got her whole life story. From her perfect little childhood to the mean voices that came out of nowhere and made her do crazy shit. Crap like trying to kill a priest because he was really the devil coming to steal her soul. Everyone knows you can't kill the devil.  He's all ready dead, duh.  Eugenia was all right though.  Or so I thought, until  one day it happened-she hurt my boy deeply. They were sitting on the couch.

    "I love you."  Eugenia said while snuggled in the crook of Smack's arm.

    "I know, I'm very loveable. I love you too."  He gave her a noogie.

    "How come you won't tell me anything about your life? Don't you trust me?"

    Smack rested his head on hers. "Yes.  I just had a very bad childhood and I don't like to talk about it."

    "I told you about me. It's your turn."

    Smack sighed. "I, my mother..."

    No, buddy.  We don't talk about it, remember?

    "I'm sorry, Eugenia."  Smack got up and Eugenia's head flopped onto the couch.  "I can't."

    She pulled herself up.  "What do we got if you can't even talk to me?"  her chin began to quiver.

    Smack was a sucker for the crying shit. 

    "Okay.  But it's hard."

    Eugenia went to him.  "I know."  She put her arms around him.  "But it'll be okay."

    Just the thought of talking about it was tearing him apart. I knew if I didn't do something he'd be a wreck.  He didn't need to and couldn't go back there again.

    "When I..."

    No!

    He's right, dear.  This is not good for you.

    No, no, no, let's talk about popeil instead.

    "I have to do this guys."

    No!  We yelled.

    "Yes!"  Smack insisted.

    Rose began to sing.  Carlie quoted Popeil and I told him Eugenia was ruining his life. 

    "Stop!"  he screamed.

    We didn't stop.  We got louder.  You have to understand, we were only protecting him from all of the pain and hurt and part of that protection was to avoid the past at all costs.  We didn't mean any harm.

    Smack was screaming and pounding on his head.  Eugenia was crying.  The next thing I knew Smack was strapped down and calling out to me.

    I'm here, buddy.

    "Sammy, please.  I need you.  Help me!"

    I'm here, pal.  I'm here.

    "Rose?  Carlie?  Where are you?"

    Doctors came and went.  The term psychotic episode was mentioned.  I'd heard that before.  It just meant we couldn't talk to Smack until he got out of the hospital and threw the pills away.
And he would have for good, if it weren't for Eugenia coming to see him.  She was crying, of course.

    "Are you, okay?"  she went to take his hand.

    "No.  I hate being here and it's all your fault."  He flung her hand away.  "I told you I couldn't talk about it."

    Eugenia looked into his eyes.  "I don't like it here either.  I swore I would never come back again but here I am."

    "Leave.  No one told you to come."

    "I might not of had the life you did growing up Smack, but I do understand what's happening now."

    He ran his hand through his over grown hair. "I just want to go home and live my life."

    "With me?"

    He looked at her intently.  "Yes."

    "I'd like that but I can't unless you keep the voices gone."

    "You don't understand.  You're  different.  You didn't like the voices, I do.  They're my friends.  If it weren't for Sammy, I wouldn't have survived.  And Rose she taught me love and made me look for it.  And Carlie, she helped me find it.  They aren't bad."

    "I'm sorry but I can't..."

    When Smack got out of the hospital, he was drained.  They made him talk about things he didn’t want to talk about.  Even though he gave them just enough to leave him alone, it was too much. So the first thing he did when he walked out the door was throw away  the meds.  I was glad because I had a lot of time to think and  had some talking to do.  I got through a few days later when Smack was getting ready for bed.

    I told you she’d hurt you, man.

    “She didn‘t mean to.  She just doesn‘t understand.”.

    Bull shit.  She understands all right.  She’s jealous and wanted to make me go away so she could have you all to herself. So she could make you into what she wants you to be.

    “No, Sammy.  She loved me.”  He rubbed his eyes.

    No, she made a fool of you is what she did.  She enjoyed seeing you get all out of control.  She enjoyed seeing  you in the hospital and if she saw you now blubbering like a fucken girl she’d enjoy that too.

    “No,” he shook his head.

    Think about it man, think about it.  She even said she couldn’t be with you unless I went away.  She said that.  Why would she say that?  Why would she try so hard to get you to talk about your  mother, if she weren’t up to something?

We talked about Miss Eugenia Freeman for weeks before she came to the door. 

    “What the fuck do you want, bitch?

    “I was at the corner store today and they told me they saw you. “

    “You had your chance and you blew it!”  He slammed the door in her face and then he cried.

That was it.  Smack had enough bull shit in his life that he had to overcome and very well I might add, and that bitch was not going to ruin his life.  Not again.  Not ever.  There was only one thing to do.

    If you burn down the house they can’t trace it like if you shot her or stabbed her.

    “Couldn’t I just move?”

    No.  She’d find you and make your life hell over and over again.  You’ve got to get rid of her.

    “You’re right, Sammy, as usual.”

    Smack went down town and purchased a gas can and then began to fill it.
   
    Smack, honey, don’t do it.”

    Shut up, Rose, I demanded.

    No, you shut up, Sammy, Rose said.

After that I couldn’t get through and Rose took over. 

You love Eugenia and she loves you.  You don’t want to hurt her.

Smack shook his head.  “No, I don’t love her,” he watched the numbers flip around, “and she doesn’t love me.”

Rose sighed.  Smack, I know Sammy has been with you longer than me and he has been a good friend and protector to you.  I know he means well but he’s wrong this time.  If you kill Eugenia, you’ll go to jail and you’ll miss out on what you’ve been looking for your whole life.  Some one you can feel and see and who cares if you live or die for no other reason than because they love you. 

Smack began to shake and the can fell out of his hand.  He stood in a puddle of gasoline.  The clerk from the corner store who was  filling  her gas tank approached him.

    “Hey, you okay?”

Smack looked down at the gas can and then into the woman’s brown eyes.  “No,” he whispered.  “I was gonna..”

Just tell her you need to go to the hospital, honey.

Smack shook his head with fervor.  “No, no hospital.”

It’s the only way.  It’s time to let them help you.

The lady took Smack’s arm. “Here, let’s go to my car so you can take your shoes and socks off and I’ll call you a cab, okay?”

“Could you just take me to the hospital.”

She looked at him.

“Please?”

“Yeah, okay. Ahm, I’m ten minutes into a fifteen minute break so  just let me call the store to let them know who I’m with and where I’m going.”

So Smack went to the hospital, again.

“I almost killed my girlfriend.  I don’t want to do those things,” Smack told the doctor. 

The doctor nodded and so began the nightmare.  Through out the three months he was there Smack told them everything He told them everything about his childhood about Rose, Carlie and about me.  It was so vivid.  Like we were there again.  Smack had nightmares for weeks after.  I tried to talk to him but he couldn’t hear me.  Then the day came where Smack got to go home.  I hoped he would do like he’d always done, but he kept his meds in his pocket even making sure they were there.  Then he went to see her.

    “Smack.”  She threw her arms around him.  “Welcome home.  I’ve missed you.”  she kissed his cheek.

    He squeezed her.  “I missed you, too, Eugenia.” then he gave her a noogie.

 
    That was five years ago.  Smack's happy because him and Eugenia got back together.  They got married a couple of years ago. 

    The medication they got him on makes his brain all screwy, and it blocks me out most of the time but I know what's going on.  I'm still around.  I have to say, the chicks in here drive me insane with their chitter, chatter but when they sleep it's kind of lonely.  But like I said, Smack's happy and that's all I ever wanted for him.

    It sure do miss talking to him though - the ungrateful bastard