My Rape

I had just turned 14 years old and my first bf had just dumped me. I went to stay a night at a friends house. At about 12am we went down to the beach to go for a swim. When we got there we got naked and went for a swim. The water feeling so amazing on our smooth skin. As we were floating there we saw some guys going through our stuff. We get up out of the water and went to our stuff. As they saw us running towards them they gaped it. I had my smokes, cell phone and my bra stolen. I was very upset and slmost burst into tears. Some guys saw us upset and came to see us. All i could smell on them was pot. It made me feel sick. One of the guys came up to me and asked if i was ok. I then I burst into tears and the guy came to give me a hug and asked if we want a coffee because his house was 5 minutes away. I didnt think anything of it. My mate said yes so i agreed with her. We walked to this guys house with another guy who was the guys mate. He was talking to my mate and the guy who asked if i wanted a coffee was talking to me. About 10 minutes later we got to the guys house. He let us sit on the couches and he made us the coffee. My mate and the other guy was getting along very well and they left about 20minutes later to go to hers and left me at this guys place. I was feeling much better and the guy was been so nice to me. He asked if i wanted to see his swords from other countries he had been to with his parents. I said yes. He showed me his room, i sat down at the end of the bed and asked to use his phone to ring my mum to come and pick me up. He didnt say anything and walked closer to me and leaned over me and tried to kiss me on my lips. I moved away and asked what he was doing. He replied with that i was really pretty and my breasts looked so soft underneath my top i was wearing. I tried to move away and to get off the bed, my stomach was feeling upside - down and my heart felt like it stopped beating. He moved in closer and pushed my shoulders on to the bed and held them down. They started to hurt. He leaned in again to kiss me and i moved my head away so he bite me on my neck, it hurt so much tears formed around my eyes. He then asked if i wanted to have sex and i said no, he kept asking me if i want sex and everytime i answered no he would push harder on to my body making me cry. He kept pushing down and i was trying to fight, but my body just didnt want to move. He kept asking and asking, i kept saying no and tried to fight my way from him. He kept biting me and pushing down on me. i finally stoped fighting after about an hour of it and gave uo and just laied there.
He took of my pants and my undies and pushed my body up on the bed. I know i could of ran and got away but my body was just not moving. he then pushed his cock inside me. It hurt so much and i screamed in pain. He was still holding my shoulders down and he started to move up and down. Tears running down my face. It felt like hours after he was finished. He pulled out of me after he had came. My pussy very sore he lift me up off the bed and walked me to the bathroom and closed the door and told me to sit doen on the toilet. He finished undressing me and turned on the shower and stood under it and cleaned himself off. He then asked me to join him. I did what i was told and hopped into the shower. He washed me down, there was heaps of blood coming from my pussy and it was very red and sore. After 5 minutes in the shower he turned it off and told me to go to the bedroom and sit on the bed. I know i could of ran but i was so scared. I did what i was told and went to the room and waited there. He came back and gave me his shirt and told me to hop into bed. I laid there in his bed and he came to lay up next to me and held me so i wouldnt run. He fell asleep. I couldnt sleep. I was so scared. When morning came he told me to get dress and walked me to the bus stop so I could go home. I was still very scared. He sat at the bus stop with me and told me if i told anyone i would regret it after. He waited till i got on the bus and then he walked away in the oppsite way from his house. On the bus trip home i was just so scared. When i got home my mum asked what had happened because i had big bite marks on my neck. I just went for a shower as i felt so dirty and ashamed.


Ill tell you one thing as it has been almost four years since that happened I went through the worst of hell. I have only told my mother what had happened that night. I kept it a secret for so long, he took away almost four years of my life that ill never get back. Throught-out my age of 14 i didnt speak to anyone and i wore clothes that were 2X too big for me. I did my first drug over - dose at the end of 2004. I was put in hospital for 2 weeks. In 2005 i let male beat the crap out of me and use me and i started doing drugs. Hard core drugs. Near the end of 2005, in about August i met Luke. He became my bf, and he was a P smoker. Whenever he got high he would beat me up and fuck me. Untill one day i found out i was pregnant with his child. He dumped me and told me he wanted nothing to do with it, i freaked out and told my mother, she forced me into getting an abortion. After that i felt like i was dead and i started cutting my wrists and drinking. I left school at the start of 2006 and went to a course where i studied. In July 2006 i did another drig over dose wear i was sent a drepresstion ward. After 4 weeks there i meet Brendon and his cousin and started hanging out with them and doing drugs again. I got back into cutting my wrists and letting Brendon and Mike to use me. I moved out of home and told Brendon and Mike to leave me alone. I started a new job in Orewa wear i met paul, he became my best friend and started to make me see things differently. I told him everything and he told me that none of it was my fault. Just after my birthday he told me to tell my mother about the rape and then she'll see why i was acting weird for so many years. i did so and she took me to the police. I reported it. It was the most hardest thing to do. They got the guy. we are just waiting for it to go to court.
Im never going to get back those years of my life. and i am never going to get my child back. All i have left is the scars of everything. But dont you dare judge me, i can tell you that giving up my child was the hardest and most pain thing i have ever been through and im never going to forgive myself.