Calm

Calm

Calm. To sense nothing.
Is it this calm that I long for?
A calm nothingness.
To hear my music,
As words seem almost to appear on paper.
This calm, is it real?

No, it lasts only for a moment.
Sometimes a few moments.
But always it disappears
As quickly as it comes
A moment where all feeling has been blocked.
I have barricaded myself,
Ina  corner of my being
To feel nothing,
Not happiness, not joy
But, where there is no joy,
Also, there is no pain.

This calm, I long for it.
I search for it, daily.
But once found, do I still want it?
Is it this that I truly wait for?
To be calm is to block off feeling.
No tears of joy or sadness.

This feeling of calm
Comes to me sometimes
Some say it is unhealthy
But, he calm is when I am best.
Not to think too much

Calm, calm like a stuffed toy.
Like that I played with as a child.
When life was simple.
With no worries, no doubts.
To be calm is to be as a child.

But when the calm goes,
It is replaced
Most often with fears, doubts, worries
The emotions that plague a wakeful mind.
To block these emotions is how I live.

Calm. To be calm.
It is best.
To not need to mask the emotions.
But to make them cease,
If only for a moment.
To keep them locked into a very part of you.
They do not go, but are kept in check.
Where they are not allowed to run free.
To know that the fears are present,
But, to ignore them
Is to be calm.