Coming Home

The alarm went off and so began the ratrace. Shower, breakfast, dress the kids, brush teeth, pack diaper bag, and head off to daycare. She drops her boys off with lots of hugs and kisses and heads off to the train station. Traffic. This she makes the best of by turning up the radio and enjoying the time to herself.

Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotions" comes over the airwaves which immediatley takes her back to her summers in high school. This makes her laugh out loud with both the fond memories of carefree times with good friends and the sweet relief that she never has to return to that life.

Her laugh fades while she tries to fight back tears and unwanted memories.

"Call me later!" Kayleigh calls to her. They have been friends for ten years and lived down the street from one another. They did everything together. She envied that Kayleigh's parents were so wonderful and loving. They took her in when she needed a place to go to get away from the fighting when it got out of hand. She was always so grateful for them all.

She smiles and waves while her knees shake and her stomach flips. His van was parked in the driveway and she has no idea what is waiting behind the door. Jekyll or Hyde? Hands shaking, she puts her key in the door and takes a deep breath. Stepping in she smells the sickly smell of stale beer and smoke. It was four o'clock in the afternoon and he is already drunk.

She exhales and puts her backpack down while she takes her shoes and coat off.

"Where have you been?" he lashes at her.

Fuck. "Babysitting." Keep it simple and even. Don't fight, it only succeeds in me getting hurt, she chants in her head.

"Why isn't the house clean and I suppose I have to cook dinner?" he rants on and on while she tunes him out. Safer that way.

"Why don't you go and live with your mother? Oh, right, she doesn't want you either." He realizes this she can't ignore and grins with delight that the fight he needs, he is about to receive.

She glares at him and through clenched teeth she says, "Thanks Dad, I love you too." No fight today, she doesn't have the strength.

His grin fades, teeth clench and he picks up his keys. Back to the bar to completely numb himself.

She hears his van pull out and she cries. Heavy sobs. She is fifteen and so confused. Why do her parents hate her?

A horn honks and she jumps. Traffic is moving. She wipes the tears as the song ends. She takes a few deep breaths to clear her mind. She smiles now. Fifteen years later she knows that when she puts the key in the door, she is greeted with a warm smile and hugs and kisses from the man she chose to build a life with. Her boys would run up with squeals of delight and wrap their little arms around her neck. No more fear and uncertainty on the other side of the door.

She laughs out loud at the thought of all her boys trying to talk over eachother to tell her about their day and get her attention. She moves slowly with the traffic, smiling with pride and joy at how much she loves and is loved. It felt amazing.