Rebirth

Chapter 1: Winter Blues

Have you ever had one of those days? The kind of day wish would just end. Today is one of those days. It's been a total fucking nightmare. Yesterday, everything was fine. Well, maybe not fine, but the same. Work was boring and tedious as usual, but hey it was work. Yesterday, I had a job. Hey, I had a future. But, today what do I have? Nothing! That's what I have; absolutely nothing. You could say that my life sucks right now. I know what will cheer up. I need food. I rummage through my pathetic excuse of a fridge and what do I find? Some old natto (smelly fermented beans with mustard) is what I find. Really, it's good, but somehow I just can't bring myself to eat it. There are some left-over fish dishes from the other night. I can't believe I actually liked living in this Twilight zone of a city. All I want is a big bag of Nacho chips and salsa. I'd have to take a twenty minute subway ride and dole out about 20 bucks to fill that craving. So, I go over to Geri's to scope out what she has. Geri's my neighbor. We've been living next door to each other for three years. She's everything I'm not. She's from Ireland and has a cool accent to boot. Plus she's a tiny little thing. I'm nearly a foot taller than her. I leave my apartment walk down the hall and let myself in. We do this kind of thing all the time. It's Tokyo for Christ sake not NY city. Japan is great for that kind of thing. You can walk around with your wallet hanging out of your purse and nobody would try and mug you. I throw myself on her futon and start bitching away.

"What's up your bum, Sam?"

"I told you not to call me that"

"Well, when you stop butchering my name, I'll do the same"

I roll my eyes and ask "So, do you have any food?"

"What do I look like? The fucking Tesco or something?”

"What's Tesco?"

Geri just rolls her eyes and takes out a bag of Tortilla chips and salsa. I leap out of my sitting position and give her a fierce hug.

"You're choking me"

"Oh, sorry"

"Sounds like you need some video therapy"

"Video therapy?"

"Speedy therapy"

"Speedy therapy or Speedy therapy?"

"Let me be more specific. Our speedy"

I smile at Geri and thank the heavens for sending me such a cool neighbor. The thing about Geri is she always knows what I need even before I do.

"So which episode is it today?"

"Season three baby"

Okay, here's the thing. Geri and I have this unnatural obsession with this television series. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What a pair of nutters. But, it's not just any show, it's Felicity. It has enough neurotic self-introspection to keep any female happy. It also happens to star one of the sexiest men to ever grace a television set. I'm talking about Scott Speedman or Speedy. Well, Geri gets it on her satellite and she tapes an episode for me when she can. So, Geri and I fold up her nasty futon and prepare to swoon for the next hour or so. After the video I lean back on the yellow bean bag I've been sitting on and just smile like a goof.

"So, are you going to tell me why you needed video therapy?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes"

"I got fired"

"What! But, no one ever gets fired in Japan."

"Well, I did"

"That's shiite"

"I know, I know"

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm okay until the end of my contract, but then that's it"

"That sucks"

So, just as I'm sitting there bonding with my girl, I decide to take a perfunctory snoop around. I suddenly notice that things are being put away into boxes. I don't know why I haven't noticed before. I get that look on my face. You know the look; the one that's a mix of confusion and complete despair. I unglue my ass from her nasty bean bag and walk with her to the kitchen.

"So, what's going on?" I ask while I lean against the wall. Only it isn't a wall, but the door to the bathroom and it's partly open. So, before I know it my ass is facing the tiny toilet. So, Geri stands over me and cracks up laughing. I can't stop thinking about the fact that she looks like she's going to pull a runner on life in Japan. I finally manage to pull my bony ass together and ask her what I was going to before I pulled a Jerry Lewis.

"Are you moving, Ger?"

"Yeah"

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I did"

"No, you didn't?"

"I did"

"When"

"During the last video therapy session"

"That doesn't count. I never listen during Speedy therapy"

"Come on"

"How can you expect me to carry on a conversation when Speedy is on?"

"True. You got me there"

"So, when do you go?"

"Not until April?"

"So, why are you packing now, it's only January?"

"Because I have a ton of crap to ship back to Dublin before I go. I've got like five years of crap here."

"I know, you buy everything"

Suddenly, I do what my sister calls pulling a Samira and start balling like a baby while stuffing my face with chocolate. It's what some would call my special talent. I think I must have been born with a chocolate chromosome. I just can't say no to the stuff. Geri just stands back and watches me with a look of mild disgust and sympathy. She pats me on the back and basically mothers me. Geri's good at that kind of thing. I couldn't mother a fucking gnat if you asked me to. I leave all the maternal instincts to my, well my sister and other, um, mothers. But, Geri's got this thing about tough love.

"Now, snap out of it. You're eating all my bloody chocolate," she snaps.

Geri is from the bitch them to death school of mothering then again she's Irish. Apparently that's what mothers do over there. Sounds like Indian mothers to me. I don't really remember my Ma; she died when I was like five. But, my sister acts like she's my mother just because she's ten years older than me and actually has a family. Well, it's not like she's actually Indian. We're both half-breeds. Boring old Anglo-Canadian mixed up with whatever sub- continental blood my mother brought with her.

So, Geri and I continue to bitch at each other as we wait for the tape to rewind. She has this thing about rewound tapes. She likes everything in order; neat till the day she dies. I on the other hand wouldn't now the meaning of order if it hit me over the head.

"I can't believe you're leaving," I whine.

"Well, believe it."

"I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Make a fucking decision. You'll either find a job or go home. You can't stay here forever."

So, I stay and chat with Geri for a little while longer before I drag my lazy ass back to my own apartment. It's January and I've got two months to find a job or perish. I'm not even sure I want to stay. But, I'm what you would call a creature of comfort. I like things to be stable. I'm not good at handling at unknown variables. It's probably why I stunk at math.
As usual, I'm wired after a long day and can't seem to fall asleep. So, I plop myself in front of the computer and start checking for possible jobs around town. I look at a few ads here and there, but most of the stuff is for teaching. The really crummy thing about life in Japan as foreigner is the language-barrier. If you don't speak very good Japanese than the only job available is as an English Teacher. If you're a foreign woman who speaks the language it's even worse. That's why I play dumb. It just makes life so much easier. After a few minutes, I turn off the computer in frustration. I know that my choices are limited and the one thing I'm afraid to do is the one thing I really need to do---go home. Home, I don't even know what that means anymore. I haven't been back to Canada in at least three years. I barely speak to my sister and I call my dad like once a month. As much as I love my family, I feel like they're pushing me towards something I don't want to do.

Suddenly the phone starts ringing and drags me out of my self-imposed daze.

"Hello"

"Samira, are you awake?"

"Shiva, do you know what fucking time it is?"

"No"

"It's three am"

"Sorry, but it's important"

"What could be so fucking important that you had to call at three am"

"I know you're awake, so its not like it matters."

"Just get to the freaking point"

"Dad is sick. He's in the hospital"

For once I'm paying attention to what she's saying. She usually calls at fucked up times to blather on about nothing.

"What? How long? What’s wrong with him"

"Just get here"

I'm totally freaking out. I know what I have to do now. Sometimes it takes a crisis to make long awaited decisions.

"Okay, I got tell my boss. But, I'm going to fly out as soon as I can. Shiv?"

"Yes"

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know, Samira."