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Rated: E · Essay · Comedy · #1246057
So, you want to be a Goth? Now you can, with this easy beginner's guide to nonconforming.
Okay, guys, before you go on to read this, I just want you all to know: I was like this in high school. This is how I dressed, how I acted, how I wore make-up, etc. I did not write this with the intent to make fun of Goths or Punks or Emos. I did this as an excercise, looking back at how I was in high school. Which was actually, maybe six months ago.                 

                So, you want to be a Goth. You’ve already got the black clothes, the depressing music, and an “I Hate Everything” attitude. Now all you need is the make-up. That’s right, I said make-up. A good Goth kid is nothing without his/her make-up. Nothing.

         First, the tools of the trade: a white base foundation, whether it’s powder or cream, black mascara, eyeliner in either black or some horrid neon shade, and lipstick to match your choice in eyeliners. If you would rather have a makeover ala My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade, you’ll need black grease paint. If it suits your fancy, you can use fake blood or even real blood if you can find some.

         The first step to actually achieving your glorious Gothic visage is to make yourself look as pale as humanly possible. This will be easier if you spend several months before your intended makeover locked in your room, writing bad poetry or browsing MySpace for friends. To make yourself even paler, you’ll want to take your white base and apply it over your face, neck, and any other body part that will be showing. If you have the powder, use a regular make-up brush and apply it like any other face powder. The cream base is a little more complicated. Sponge wedges are the best way to apply it. Just squeeze a small amount on the sponge and dab it over your face until your sponge goes dry. Try to avoid getting the cream in your eyes, as it stings and could probably damage your eyes. Then repeat the process until your face is suitably ghostly.

         Next, you need to break out your eyeliner or grease paint. You’ll notice that I don’t mention eye shadow. That’s okay, because you won’t need any. For those of you with eyeliner, forget any previous notion of wanting thin lines on only the top or bottom eyelid. Take your eyeliner and make a thick line along your lash line from one corner of your eye to the other. Repeat the process on the other lid. Do this with both eyes. Remember: the thicker the line, the better, so don’t be shy with the eyeliner. All of you wanting to copy My Chemical Romance’s death look get your grease paint ready. Using either a finger or a sponge wedge, scoop up a good amount of black, and spread it on your eyelid from the inside corner all the way around your eye. On the top, the paint should go all the way up to your eyebrow, and on the bottom, it should go to the bottom of your eye socket. Do this for both eyes.

         The only step left at this point is the lipstick. Whatever shade you choose, apply your lipstick like any normal human. If you sprung for fake blood, squeeze a drop at the corner of your mouth and let it run down your chin like any other liquid. Those of you who have a taste for the dramatic can use your eyeliner to draw teardrops on your cheeks, crosses on your foreheads, or even write messages to ex-lovers, best friends, and society in general.

         You should now bear the look of the disillusioned. Before you go out in public and expose yourself to ridicule and the hatred of society, you might want to practice your intimidating scowl in the mirror. Read some Anne Rice. Listen to the punk band of your choice. Remind yourself that you don’t care what the world thinks, and you only cry when they call you names because you’re bemoaning the state of society where people shun others because they’re different. Now, get out there and show the world how individual you are. Freak.
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