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              "I had a dream about Nick last night."

                My wife stood quietly by the phone, holding onto the wall for support. I  took a deep breath and continued.

         "I had this dream about Nick, laying on the ground, and the air was
really thin...and he said "It's alright cause my friends are with me." Remember how he used to tell us that?" It was his final argument for everything, his convincer..."It's okay, my friends are going with me....He...He..."

         Mandy leaned on the wall, supporting herself. Her forehead touched the wallpaper. She was breathing in gasping bursts, and somewhere in the back of my mind it occured to me that I should go to her. I stood still.

         "He was okay as long as he was with his friends...That's the only reason we let him go."

         "Mark...Mark, shut up!"

         Mandy's voice was trembling, unsteady. It took her a second to continue.

         "That was some guy, John something, he said he...he served with Nick over there, and he wanted to stop by and see us."

         I took a big breath, and exhaled slowly.

         "I dreamt about him Mandy. It was hot, and the ground was warm, but it seemed so dark out...and it was hard to see...and Nick said..."It's okay dad! My friends are coming..."

         "SHUT UP MARK! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

         Mandy slammed her palm against the wall, sobbing, and slid to the floor, her eyes closed.




         We waited until almost midnight. Mandy sat on the couch, curled up at one end in a small ball. I sat in an armchair across the room. The distance was
unfathomable. I stared blankly at the nonsense on the television. I glanced at the clock every five minutes or so, and the few times I glanced at Mandy, her eyes were glued to it. A few minutes after, I stood up and stretched half heartedly.

         "Well, do yo..."

         "NO."

         Mandy's voice was hard, unflinching. I sat back down silently, and stared at the T.V. Less than ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

         Three sharp raps, and Mandy was moving before the second one fell. She rushed past me as I stood, and ran through the foyer. I could hear her footsteps in the hallway, and the front door being thrown open.

         Then nothing.

         I was frozen, unable to move. My ears strained unecesarily. It was dead quiet, so quiet I could hear the hum of the refridgerator. Then, slowly, I heard Mandy
sobbing. This broke my stupor, and I stepped into the foyer. I was only a step into the hallway when I heard the thump of a bootstep, and my son stepped in front of me.

         "Nick..." My mouth went dry, and as I raised a hand to his shoulder, it shook noticeably.

         "Nicky...Nicky, I had a dream, and...you...were...laying..."
         
         "I'm alright dad." He rubbed at a spot on his face, that I realized was a scar after a moment.

         "Not a big deal dad...happens all the time."

         Mandy walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She only had to look up a little, to see Nick's face when he turned, and it struck me that Nick used to be...taller.

         He smiled at Mandy, and then lightly slapped himself on the forehead.

         "Oh, hey, mom, dad, I brought some guys with me...some of my friends came with me..."

         He stepped back into the foyer, and there was some quiet murmurings. I stepped, no, I stumbled, back into the living room, and when my knees met the chair, I sat decidedly. When Nick stepped back in, there were a handfull of people behind him.

         "Mom, dad, this is Thunder, Boom-Boom, Jinx, and Largo. Well, I mean..."

         A pretty but severe looking woman stepped forward, and smiled.

         "Just our nicknames, Sir, but you get used to em, after awale...A'm Jinx." Her drawl was endearing, but as I stepped forward to shake her hand, I noticed a large, ugly scar on the back of her right hand. I looked away quickly, but she must have caught me looking. She didn't seem angry though, as she just smiled and shook her head.

         "S'alright. Just somethin that happens over there..."




         It seemed like days had gone by when I realized that Mandy was nearly asleep in her chair. Nick and his friends were having a blast, I could tell. Stories were flying back and forth, some so outrageous that I was sure they were thought up on the fly. I was having a good time too, laughing along with them, smiling happily at the ridiculous tales. Nick cleared his throat and interrupted the laughing.

         "Alright, alright...I remember this one time...me and dad went fishing up at Cayuga Lake. So we're out on the boat, and dad hooks this monster. I mean, huge, huge fish. And he's pulling, and cursing, and just about pissing...ooops, sorry mom....anyway, he gets this fish up to the side of the boat, and he stands up, damn near jumping up and down, and what does he do? He leans over, and the fish gives this huge jerk, and dad goes flying out of the boat...like Superman...reel goes
flying, huge cannonball splash. And I'm sitting there laughing my ass off..."

         I started laughing in remembrance...then stopped suddenly. A cold chill set itself into my stomach. Nick was three, maybe four years old that day, I remembered distictly the argument with Mandy over wether he was old enough to go out on the boat.

         "Nick", I interupted, "Nick how in the hell can you remember that? You weren't over three that day, and that was over sixteen years ago..."

         The laughing at the table slowed suddenly, and I could see Jinx staring at the tabletop in repose. Nick cleared his throat and laughed softly.

         "Oh, hell dad, how could I not remember something that funny?" His grin was not a total grin of mirth.

         I allowed my smile to expand, allowed the weak explanation to win me. Looking back...well, hell, I hate to look back now. Nick smiled and laughed, so I smiled and laughed. And all his friends smiled and laughed. Mandy jerked back to reality, and I realized how unfair this was to her. So I stood, and smiled at my son and his friends sitting at our kitchen table. Nicky...my dear child...my son...Nicky just smiled at me.

         "I'm gonna get your mom to bed Nicky."

         There were laughs at "Nicky", but I didn't feel bad. He was my son, and he knew I loved him as much as was possible.
         
         "If you need help getting your friends situated for the night..."

         Nicky looked confused for a moment, and then his face shined.

         Oh, no, that's alright. They're not staying." He seemed about to say more, but his face fell, and he just grinned at me.

         "Alright. Dad. I'll...see you later..."

         I nodded, and hugged him when he stood. I gripped him to me as hard as I could, and again, through the pain, I was thinking how much shorter he seemed.

         "Good...night son."

         None of Nick's friends stood up, but there were many goodnights and see-you-laters called. I took Mandy upstairs, helped her lay down, and covered her with the heavy comforter. I walked out of the room, hesitant to go back down the steps. So I wandered into the bathroom. I put the seat cover down on the toilet, and then just sat there for awhile. The whole night kept trying to reel in on me, but I fought it, trying to keep myself together. I knew, I knew I knew. I knew, even though I didn't want to. I knew even though every fiber of my being was screaming at me to deny it. How long I sat there trying to hold myself together, I have no idea. But the next thing I knew it was early morning, and someone was knocking on the door. I stumbled against the counter as I stood, and my back and ribs roared so loudly at the injustice that I nearly cried out.

         "A...a minute..."

         I got to the bathroom door and opened it. No one. Then the banging started again, and I realized it was the front door. Blinking my eyes fully open, I started toward the stairs. I took a second to look in on Mandy. She was sleeping in much the same position I had left her in hours earlier, so I quietly closed the door and headed downstairs.
         
         I got to the front door and opened it in a rush. The glare of the sun hit me first, causing me to blink back a sneeze, and when my eyes adjusted, there was a young man in uniform standing in front of me.

         "Oh, hey, come on back in." I stood aside so Nick's friend could step in. "Get locked out huh?"

         I shut the door behind him, but when he turned, there was a look of utter confusion on the young man's face. I continued to study him, and I realized that it wasn't Nick's friend from last night, the one they called Boom-Boom, that he just looked a lot like him. And I realized that there were tears in his eyes.

         He cleared his throat and stepped forward, closing the distance between us to inches.

         "Mr. French, is your wife home? I need to speak to both of you..."

         His eyes had the oddest pleading look in them that I'd ever seen. I stepped back, shaking my head.

         "Just us, for now....Let's...let's just leave her out of this for now. She's sleeping...I'd like her to get as much of that as she can right now."

         He nodded, looking down at his shining regulation dress shoes, and cleared his throat again.

         "Mr. French, I had the honor of serving with Nick..."



         It took me three days to figure out why the soldier who came to talk to us about Nicky was so familiar, why he so closely resembled "Boom-Boom. I couldn't have known beofre, but after a few days, I caught ahold of a photo of Nick and his unit. There was Nick, front row center, and next to him Boom-Boom. And standing next to him, identified under the photo was James Henry Howlett, brother of Mark Travis Howlett. He was Boom-Booms brother. James later confided to me that he hadn't really wanted to take his leave then, but that his brother's wasn't coming up for a long time...


                My wife doesn't remember much of that night, and I never mention it. Let her think it was a fever dream, let her think she went temporarily insane. Because she lived through it, and she doesn't believe it....Why would she belIEve me trying to explain it to her? No, I've let it alone, because it does No good. I don't think the whole point was for Mandy anyway. I think...I really do think....that Nicky, my son, my son...was just trying to let me know his friends were going with him.