MY FIRST TRUE LOVE

MY FIRST LOVE

I was always a confused young man. I never seemed to fit into the private school that I attended. All my young life I had strange feelings that I did not understand. While the other boys liked basketball and football; I was fascinated with dolls and playing house. I never really worried about this, until High School.

Suddenly I had to take this horrible class called PE. I had never showered in front of other boys before, and had NEVER played sports of any kind. I was terrified. Being a slightly overweight young boy compounded matters. Luckily in the summer of 1982 I discovered the magical drug
called "DEXATRIM." I began taking the miracle drug and my ravenous appetite vanished. Suddenly I was down to a 32 inch waist and could wear the tight Levis that all the guys wore.. I rejoiced.

Still I felt that something was wrong. I was suddenly turned on by Bo Duke from "Duke's of Hazzard." I felt like maybe all the other guys were too, but just lied about liking girls so nobody would beat them up. The fantasy kept me from feeling abnormal.
Still, those strange feelings kept popping up. I began to notice the way the Levi's fit on the guys with bubble butts and I liked the bulges that some guys displayed in their jeans. I had heard about gay people, but I was sure I wasn't one of them. I didn't swish or lisp or throw my hands in the air. I wasn't feminine. I felt sure that I was not gay.

One day a new girl came to school named Debbie. She was blonde and blue eyed and had a very wacky personality. I loved the yankee accent she had and her perfume was very pleasing to me.We soon became friends and began hanging around together. Her sense of humor was amazing and we soon were inseparable.

I spent all my time with her and the strange feelings about guys seemed to subside a little. In time I grew very fond of her and began buying her gifts and spent hours writing long letters to her. I felt as if I loved her. I even cried when she went away to visit her family up north. Still, those feelings were still there. I would see ads in People Magazine showing men in underwear ads and I would feel that strange yearning that I did not understand. I could not put the magazines down and eventually discovered masturbation, which left me with awful feelings of guilt.

She would return home, and I would rush to her side, feeling so normal and safe. In time I told her of my loving feelings, but she dashed them away, saying she only wanted friendship. I was crushed and retreated into a world of closeted, alcoholic denial.
Years passed before I could finally admit to myself and to Debbie the secret I so carefully drank away. I was Gay.

What a life changing day that was! I felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I began to explore my lifestyle and although I made many mistakes; I wouldn't change a thing. It is now 20 years later and I am in a wonderful 7 year relationship with a great guy and 3 cats. Debbie still loves me and I still love her. She is married and so am I (NOT LEGALLY) We have planned to be together forever. We vowed that if our partners die first and we are still around we will push each other around the old folks home until death do us part.