Liar

Prologue


Brett Thomas
the survey
age: 16
hair color: duh, its blonde. so what? does that make me dumb? not exactly. do you call a 4.1 GPA dumb?
height: 510
eye color: green
favorite food: ethiopian food or mexican food.
favorite color: yellow
favorite band: sex pistols
health nut: if being vegiterian is being a health nut... then sure
favorite sport: basketball
IN A GUY/GIRL...
tall/short: tall. taller than me, at least. so yes, tall.
syle: haha, guys? style? yeah right.
Hair color: no preference
eye color: hazel or blue...

INSTANT MESSAGE: fruitytootie91 and saladfingers007
Fruitytootie91: Brett!!!
saladfingers007: ... Janet.
Fruitytootie91: Dont act like youre not excited to hear from me.
saladfingers007: Oh, I am. Im just not good at expressing it.
Fruitytootie91: Okay. So how are you?
saladfingers007: Im fine. Im packing for camp right now.
Fruitytootie91: Oh yeah, that old church camp you go to every year with all those bible huggers, right? LMAO. Youre probably the sluttiest girl there.
saladfingers007: Excuse me?
Fruitytootie91: You know, since its a church camp and all. I mean, ever since you dropped Kile, youve been bouncing all over the place. Im sort of glad you did get rid of him, otherwise him and I wouldnt be where we are now.
saladfingers007: And where you are now would be...
Fruitytootie91: Were like, so close. I think I love him.
saladfingers007: Really. Thats interesting, considering I never dropped him.
Fruitytootie91: Oh, come on, yeah, you did.
saladfingers007: No. You took him from me.
Fruitytootie91: Haha. Good one. Youre JP, right?
saladfingers007: No- you dont think I noticed when you touched his knee, how you called him every night, so I could not get through?
Fruitytootie91: Yeah, right, Brett. He didnt like you because you kept flirting with other guys. Like Rob.
saladfingers007: Flirting? Is that what you call talking to a guy or being a friend? Janet, I cant believe you would say something like that. And I cannot believe that you called me a slut, either. Youre the one who made out with Jonathan and then dumped him for being too nice. Honestly, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. And I cannot believe that you would be so wrapped up in your freaking life when your friend was going through everything she was.
Fruitytootie91: ...Wait, who?
saladfingers007: Me. You know, with my sister dying, my dad getting remarried and having two little stepkids, you think I could get some sympathy? Oh, no. Thats too much work to you. All you want is your stupid attention. You know what, I dont care about you. Not anymore. Youve hurt me so much that I dont know who you are anymore. You changed. For the worse. And I dont know what caused it, but dont take it out on me. Im not your punching bag.
Fruitytootie91: Look, Im not sorry for all that stuff, because I cannot relate to it. I feel sort of bad, but you cant expect me to be sympathetic for something that I have no idea what it feels like.
saladfingers007: Shut up, Janet. Shut the hell up.
Saladfingers007 signed off at 10:34:46 pm on Friday, June 9th.

















Chapter One: Way Away
Brett's Diary
Saturday, June 10
4:38 pm
Well, here I am, camp. I can't tell you how good it feels to be away. Way away, where I don't have to deal with anything but me.
I talked to the manager before I came up here. Ben and I are going to do a memorial service for Cass on Friday, and everyone who knew her can say goodbye. Only about 10 people or so didn't know her. Ben and I are going to play Wish You Were Here and I'll make a bit of a speech. A sermon, I guess. About how valuable life is, and that every moment counts, because you never know which will be your last.
I saw Ben out on his rock just now. He looks like he's trying not to cry. For being a little brother, Ben is a cool kid. Even if he is a Freshman.
I think that I'll just leave you unwritten, Diary. I don't want to speak on the future. I'll write when I'm home.

Life
a memorial sermon given by Brett Thompson
for Cass Thompson
Life. It's defined as being a member of the human race. It's also defined as having a brisk quality. But what the dictionaries do not include about life are all the feelings that make up life. Joy. Sadness. Greed. Appreciation. Love. Friendship.
Theyre all part of the sponataneity of life. You only have one life. Would you go through life with only one emotion? Or worse, indifference?
I think not.
Cass was full of life, by my definition. She was human, of course. No way she was perfect. But Cass was unique. Whenever everyone was angry, she was somehow full of grace and understanding. When she was in love, she sang, she whistled. She glowed.
She sang, she whistled, and she glowed every day of the year. That's because she was in love with life.
Life. I say it again - you only get one. You are the only person with power over it. There's no one in this world who can make you feel inferior without your consent.
I end with a line from a song. Its my favorite song, aside from a Pink Floyd tune. This is the line:
Be yourself, is all that you can do. With every single memory of the good or bad, the faces of love, dont lose any sleep tonight, I'm sure everything will end up alright.
Thank you.



Chapter Two: Graced
Bretts Diary
June 27th
3:06 pm

This has been the weirdest two weeks, ever.
I said I would write when I came home. But when I did come home, I found that I could not write about my feelings, for once. My feelings had been drained like water from a sponge at camp. There was nothing left.
We buried Cass ashes in the memorial garden. There's a little wooden deer just like the others - but different. This deer has an enscription. Cass Thompson - 19 years old - 1987-2006 - loved daughter, sister, and fiancee.
It made me cry when I saw it. All those weeks without shedding a tear, and all of a sudden, this wooden sculpture made me cry.
I remember that night. Cass had gone to a party with some great guy. I think his name was Dan. He slipped ecstasy into her drink. She died hours later on a hospital bed. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath.
Her face was pale, almost green. She was sweating profusely and convulsing slightly. She stopped moving. It was then, I knew, she was dead. I would never sit on her bed and talk about my latest breakup. I would never shop for lingerie with her that she could wear on her next date. I would never be her sister.
For Cass - Cass was an angel. I was graced with her prescence for these past 16 years. I'm thankful enough for that.


INSTANT MESSAGE: saladfingers007 and GonzoBonzo
GonzoBonzo: Hey
saladfingers007: Hey, Joel - whats up?
GonzoBonzo: Missing you. When can you take a break from your social recluse period to come have a day o fun with yours truly?
saladfingers007: ... Did you just ask me out on a date?
GonzoBonzo: Maybe. It depends on your answer. Yes = yes, and No = no.
saladfingers007: Hm... In that case I guess I have to say yes.
GonzoBonzo: Yesssss.
saladfingers007: But keep in mind Im only saying yes to protect your ego.
GonzoBonzo: ... Yessss.
saladfingers007: Youre so weird.
Saladfingers007 has signed off at 9:11:03 pm on June 30.

I honestly never thought of Joel as boyfriend material. But... I should have. Joels tall. About 6'3'' or so - only 5 inches taller than me. He's got naturally black hair, with these shocking blue eyes. What sets off his eyes are his eyelashes - they're as dark as ash. He's got a lip ring on the side of his bottom lip. I've always wondered what it felt like to kiss a lip ring... Looks like I'm on the way to finding out.
Janet called the day I got back from camp. "You want to have coffee? Talk things over?" she asked me.
"No, Janet. I don't want to talk to you. Ever. Again. Got it?" I hung up the phone as Ben came into the kitchen. It's always been strange living with him, because our mom has been paying for us to be in boarding schools during the school year. We used to go to public schools in San Diego with our dad, but the boarding school is in Los Angeles.
"Hey Ben," I said. He looked at me, his green eyes creasing.
"Who was that?" he asked me, confused.
"Janet," I replied. His eyes widened.
"Why would she call here after the way she treated you?"
"I just looked at him and shrugged."I don't know. Janet's a nutcase."
The phone rang again. Ben jumped to answer it.
"Hello?" he breathed into the phone. His tone let the caller know that something was bugging him. Ben looked up, suddenly. "Janet," he said calmly, "Fuck off."
My jaw dropped. Id never thought him capable of saying such - but now that he had, I was glad.
From that day on, Janet has chosen not to call anymore. And I'm glad.
But back to the present. Joel asked me to go to the State Fair with him. But he says I promised him a whole day, so were doing something in the morning, too. He won't tell me what." It's a surprise," he told me.



Chapter Three: Attention
Today's the day. Mom's at work, but she knows I am going. I get ready, paying extra attention to everything. My eyeliner (black, to accent my eyes), my clothing (jeans to show off the legs, my favorite tank top - green tunic), how I look.
I look happy.
Its a change from those months of being depressed. I think I'm finally moving on. Maybe Joel has helped me move on.
A knock on the door shakes me from my thoughts. Joel's here. I open the door. He just stares. Finally, he mutters, "Hey."
"Hi," I say, looking into those blue eyes. I raise an eyebrow and smile. ''So is this all were doing today? Standing here?'' He snaps out of it.
''No, sorry. We're going to the beach.'' I look at him.
''But I thought -''
''No funhouses, that was a joke. Go ahead and change.''
I turn towards my room, but look back. ''You're evil,'' I say.
He smiles, his dimples showing. ''I know.''

I come out a few minutes later. I decided to wear my brown suit, it doesn't show too much skin, and I can still wear the same outfit over it. I swat Joel on the head when I come out. ''You made me ge all dressed up.''

The beach is about thirty minutes from my house in the traffic. Usually it's only a ten minute drive, but in San Diego, there are so many out of towners that it gets crazy. We pull up to the beach at 8:30.
Joel pulls out a cooler and two towels from the trunk of his VW. We sit on the sand for a bit, munching on bagels he thoughtfully brought for breakfast. Pretty soon, I'm dragging him into the water, where he then chases me. When he catches me, he holds my wrists close to his chest. He moves closer to me.
I can feel Joel's breath on my face. I look at him, eyes boring into mine. I look at that lip ring, and I see it moving closer. I close my eyes, and discover that kissing a guy with a lip ring is a total turn-on. As he kisses me, I feel something click in my mind. I just wanna stay lost in this moment forever. The Aerosmith song echoes inside my head. That is, until a little kid comes hurdling into me and knocks me over.
''I FOUND THE MAGIC ROCKS!'' he screams to his friends. I smile at Joel, and he helps me up, only to find me flipping him into the water. He goes under for a moment. When he comes up, he splutters, water dripping down his hair. I smile.
''What'd you do that for?''
''I dunno. It looked fun,'' I grin.
''You're evil.''
''I seem to remember that you are, too, so I guess this makes us even.''
''Not quite,'' he replies, and promptly starts chasing me again, only this time I fall on the wet sand on a deserted part of the beach.
''I'm exhausted,'' I say, chest rising and falling very heavily. Joel collapses beside me. ''Oh, my God. I haven't run like that since I was six.''
Joel rolls over, so that his head is resting on his hand, and he's looking at me. He starts to kiss me, or maybe I start to kiss him.
It's so right - but we both know we should stop. He does, and he just looks at me. ''Youre still evil,'' he says, and I laugh.

Hours later, we ditch the picnic food in the cooler. We drop off the beach stuff in the trunk. I change in his car, while he uses a towel outside. Joel and I head off down the boardwalk then, to eat at a restaurant. We stop in a mexican food restaurant for burritos and peco de gallo. We soon leave.
Hand in hand, we walk slowly, nuzzling each other when it feels like a good moment. Joel pulls me off to the side of the boardwalk. We start kissing, again, and this time he puts one hand on the small of my back, while the other is on my neck. I put my hands in his back pockets (hes wearing jeans). When were both lost in the moment for eternity, it seems, a sharp voice rings out.
Janet.




Chapter Four: Voiceless
''Look who it is, the Makeout Queen, herself, in person. Whos the flavor of the week, Brett?''
I break away and look at Janet. ''What?'' I ask, dumbstruck. She's standing there with Kile, acting like she has the right to rip two young lovers apart. Again.
''Hey, man!'' Kile says to Joel. ''Joel, I didn't know that you were dating BB here.'' It would appear to me that they've met before...
''BB?'' Joel asks Kile. I wince. My nickname that Kile gave me after he switched to Janet.
''Quick and painless. Fake. Thats Brett.'' Janet takes the liberty of saying this. ''So how long will it last? Two days?''
Joel narrows his eyes at Janet. ''Who are you?'' Joel asks her.
''Brett's friend Janet.''
I almost laugh out loud. Joel looks over at me. I raise an eyebrow at him and shake my head. ''I thought Janet was that bitch that stole Brett's boyfriend and rubbed it in her face. My mistake. Its a pleasure to meet you, Janet.'' He holds out his hand, looks at it again, and retracts it. ''Sorry, don't like slimeball germs.'' He grabs my hand and says,'' Come on, Brett. Time to go.''
Janet just glares. ''Get over it,'' I tell her, then turn back. We go straight to the car.
''I'm not leaving this parking lot until you tell me everything,'' he says to me.
So I do.
I tell Joel about how I found Kile and Janet making out at my end of the year party. How Janet acted like nothing had ever happened. Everything. Including Cass. I'd never told anyone outside of family about what really happened.
When I finish talking, it's dark. He whistles a low, slow whistle. ''Wow.''
He drives me home in silence. Theres nothing to say just yet - we've both said all we need to. Joel walks me up to the front door. ''I'm sorry. For everything you've been through.'' He kisses my forehead, then, lightly, my lips.
''I'll see you later, I say, then I walk inside.











Chapter 5: Rain
Later that night it rains. It starts about 10:00. I get online, just to check.

INSTANT MESSAGE: wilekile and saladfingers007
wilekile: Why are you dating Joel?
saladfingers007: why shoulnt I? Ive got every right to. I like him, a lot. Hes gotten closer to me than anyone else has ever tried to.
wilekile: ...And?
saladfingers007: And, he doesnt hurt me on purpose. Thats a big plus, you know. I dont think hes going to go cheat on me with my best friend.
wilekile: That was low.
saladfingers007:No, it was the truth. Its what happened with you and Janet. I saw it!
wilekile:What you saw was a mistake.
saladfingers007:But it still happened, didnt it?
wilekile:So? I just want everything to go back to the way it was.
saladfingers007:Thats not going to happen.
wilekile: You want to come over tomorrow? Janet and Joel dont have to know.
saladfingers007:Wtf? Are you serious? I cannot BELIEVE you. Youre a freaking asshole. Kile, youre a total retard. Im not coming over. Were over. Weve been over for 2 months. Okay?
wilekile:Hey, dont wig out on me.
saladfingers007:Youre just as bad as Janet.
Saladfingers007 signs off at 10:02:34 pm on Wednesday, June 28th.

GonzoBonzo signs on at 10:16:02 pm on Wednesday, June 28th.
GonzoBonzo and wilekile:
GonzoBonzo: Hey man.
wilekile: Hey.
GonzoBonzo: Whats up?
wilekile: Nothing. What's this about you and Brett, then?
GonzoBonzo: Were dating. I guess thats what you would call it.
wilekile: Id watch out if I were you.
GonzoBonzo: Why?
wilekile: She goes through guys like she goes through hand sanitizer.
GonzoBonzo: Youre the one that cheated on her.
wilekile: I did that to get back at her.
GonzoBonzo: Why?
wilekile: She started flirting with this one guy. At a coffee shop. She knew him and I didnt. She started asking him all of these questions, like How are you? and I cant believe its you.
GonzoBonzo: Doesnt sound like flirting to me.
wilekile: Whatever, dude. Just watch out.
GonzoBonzo: Sure.
wilekile signs off at 10:35:08 pm on Wednesday, June 28th.
GonzoBonzo signs off at 10:39:58 on Wednesday, June 28th.





















Chapter Six: Rumored to Be True
I'll never know exactly what was said to Joel concerning my past. I don't really want to know. Right now I am staring out my window, listening to the rain pattering on my window. I don't think that is a word, but it is now. It's Friday morning and I havent heard from Joel. I left a voicemail for him - it's up to him to reply to it.
This morning I leave town again to be a counselor at the camp I went to earlier this summer. I have to drive five hours into the mountains. Alone. At least I have my music, I think.
About three hours into the drive, 'Liar' comes on. Perfect theme song for my life. You lie, you lie, you lie. Ahem; Kile.
If Joel was that easily persuaded by Kile, I should have known he wasn't worth my time.
I arrive at camp a little past 2 pm. We all get settled, and start getting the activities ready for the campers.
The next day, we move into the cabins. I'm alone in my cabin, Lark. Lark's a very small cabin, so I only have about 10 campers. That should be plenty, though.
I find out soon enough that 10 fourth and fifth grade girls can be extremely exhausting. On the third day, however, the girls start becoming a true force. They're hanging out with each other, we talk about important stuff at night (aka - my boy stories) and none of my campers get homesick.
That third day I get a letter from Joel. My heart hammers as I hold it in my hands. I decide to wait.
I end up getting so busy that I forget completely about the letter until the last night of the Junior camp. ''What was in your letter?'' a small girl, Allison, asks me.
I look at her, confused. ''From your boyfriend'', she elaborates. My heart stings with sadness. I don't know what is going on with Joel at the moment.
I take it out and read it silently once. Then I read it out loud.

Dear Brett,
I'm sorry to have not returned your call. I was in the middle of a very busy time with work. Late nights, early mornings. Anyway, I've been thinking. The day at the beach, we took things too fast.
I think that first we should just get to be friends. Then, we can decide if we should go any further with our relationship. I just think that maybe I should give you time to think about who you want.
As a boyfriend, I mean. I dont know if you are ready for that kind of commitment.
As a friend, youre awesome. But I can't help but hear the rumors. I'm truly sorry. When you get home, we'll talk about this. I hope you're doing well.
Sincerely,
Joel

The cabin was silent for once. I was in shock. Joel had listened to the rumors. He had listened to Kile. He was just a jerk. Allison crawls up in my lap. ''Dont be sad,'' Allison tells me. ''You're beautiful. You can have any guy you want.'' Her dark brown eyes are serious. I smile thankfully at her, tears blurring my vision. I hug her.
''Oh, come on girls. Group hug,'' I tell my cabin.
It feels so good to be comforted like this. This was unconditional love.
That night, I put on my music to fall asleep to. Straylight Run's 'Existentialism on Prom Night' makes me cry, and I stuff my face into the pillow.









Chapter 7: Contact
''How many spots are open in the next camp?'' I ask Lee, the manager, the next day.
''I reckon... about twenty.''
''Put me down,'' I say. He looks at me.
''I'll use the money I got from counseling. Please.'' He nods.
''Sure.''
I call Ben. ''I'm staying up here another week, kiddo. Think you can deal?''
''Yeah, but stop calling me kiddo.''

The week passes without incident. Many of my friends from previous camps are there, and I grow very close to Travis, a guy I've known since 6th grade. Hes 6'3'', just like Joel. Shaggy brown hair angles across his eyes (they're a greenish blue). Travis has the cutest smile. I find myself enchanted by him.
I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
Trav has, like I said, been my friend for many years. He knew Cass. He knew how close we were.
One day, he sees me standing out by the memorial garden. I'm not praying, I'm not singing. I'm standing still. Be still. He comes and stands next to me, taking my hand. I hold on for dear life, I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose anyone else. ''Travis,'' I say. ''Thank you. For being here.''
Youre welcome. You arent the only one that misses Cass, he remarks. I look up at him with tears in my eyes. I collapse onto him, sobbing. He's so strong. I know he can hold me.
And I mean that in both ways. Physically and mentally. Travis shoulders hold my body up. I sob into his shoulder, while he strokes my hair.
I- I miss her. S-s-so m-m-much. I dont know how to live without her, I gasp.
Ssh, he whispers, and hugs me closer. I dont object.

On Thursday, another letter from Joel comes. I don't open it. The next evening we have a campfire, the theme being letting go. I bring the letter down to the fire. I put it in, enjoying watching the corners burst into flame, the envelope becoming brown, then black, shriveling up.
I'm letting you go, Joel. Can you feel me? I know you can... I think.
Travis puts his arm around me. I snuggle into his shoulder, glad to have contact with someone who wasn't ten years old. It's the last night I have at camp. At least for this summer. And it's going to be hard to leave after everything that's happened here.
The next morning I hug Travis with all my might. The hug lasts at least 5 minutes. I'm crying, he's crying - we're all crying. I dont want to leave him. I know he doesn't want to leave me.
''Brett, promise me you'll come up to LA sometime.''
''I almost laugh. I go to school in LA. Boarding school. There's a humongous chance I will see you shortly.'' He pulls back and looks in my eyes for a moment. I think for a moment he's going to kiss me, but then he hugs me again. I hold on to him for all he is worth.
''LA bus is here!'' shouts the camp director. I pull back now. I look him straight in the eyes. I don't know what exactly happened between us. We were close before. We're best friends now.
''I want you to know something,'' he tells me. I urge him on with my eyes. ''I love you. I noticed you that first year. I've noticed you every single year. And I will always love you, even if we are miles apart, and just friends . I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I also wanted you to know.''
I just look at him. I respond to his statement by hugging him again. ''There's no possible way you'll lose me now, Travis. I promise.''
''LA bus! Now! Come on, people, lets move!'' a voice shouts.
''I'll see you soon,'' Travis says, and he kisses my cheek.
''Bye, Trav.'' He smiles, turns around, and gets on the bus.
I sigh as the bus pulls away, waving.
It's time for me to start the drive home. After about an hour of driving in silence, I put in my Goo Goo Dolls CD. It's time for some cry music.
And that's exactly what I do; cry.
I cry because I had to leave the mountain. MY mountain. I cry because I had to leave Travis. And I cry because I dont know what to do' about Joel.