First love

There used to be a spot that I loved to go to get away from it all, sitting on the rooftop of a boat house over looking the lake. My favorite time was at sunset, where the last bit of sunlight is dancing on the top of the water. The light breeze would gently making waves that would creep up to the shore. The silence is dominate except for the water trickling on the shore and splashes on the boat docks and the wonderful shades of red and orange that had painted the water from its normal deep blue. It’s darker now; the small stars would start to shine bright in the sky. I glanced up to take it all in, to see the Milky Way, something I could not see while living in the suburban town with its bright lights.
That was a place where I could be alone and think. No one would bother me there. I was free to think about anything and everything. I would think about what I want to do with my life. Do I want a family? What kind of career do I want? Do I want to go to college? Will I even get a choice or will it just happen?
Mostly I would think about is of course, is a boy, as any 16 year old girl thinks about. Will he ever notice me? Will he ever think about me more then just a friend? I was never been the girlfriend type when it came to boys my age. I was always their girlfriend’s fat friend. I was always good to talk to, Always good for a laugh.
For the most part of my high school life I was “in love” with one boy named Bobby. I’ve known him for years but one day I just saw him in another way. Something just clicked, I not sure why. It was just a casual meeting at a video store that sucked me in.
I’m not sure when like turned into love. It just happened over time I guess. We had a lot of the same classes and some of the same friends. In the drama of high school when everyone thought because I was friends with a guy that I wanted to date them. This wasn’t true. The only person I wanted to be with was Bobby. A few times I thought it might have happened. I’m not sure if it was wishful thinking on my part or it might have been a possibility. For a little while Bobby and I were always together. He practically lived at my house. Luckily, I have a cool mom and had a daybed. Nothing ever happened those late nights of talking and watching movies, but at the time I wished it.
One night I knew I had the opportunity to make a move. We were watching George of the Jungle, a movie with Brendan Fraser in a loin cloth. I enjoyed the movie, but that alone is enough for me to watch it. I’m not sure what we were talking about but Bobby laid there and gave me the chance to kiss him. At this time, I am very inexperienced with this sort of thing. I looked at him lying there with his eyes closed as Brendan is swinging from trees, but of course I chickened out. I just put my head on his chest. Once he realized I wasn’t going to do it he got up and called another girl. To say the least I was crushed. To this day I’m still kicking myself for not just planting one on him.
Our close friendship didn’t last long. My “love” for him last about 5 years well after high school, this in my mind is why it wasn’t just a crush and partly why I didn’t date much during that time. Now, 10 years or so later, I’ve learned about real love and relationships but I still consider him my first love even though it was only one sided. Every now and then I still see him. I have moved from the small town that I once lived and by chance that I found him to be my neighbor at my new home. He has changed from the muscular, sweet guy I knew to a boated drug addict I saw later. It still makes me sad to see. He had such a talent for drawing. I really hoped he’d do something with that. I still wish the best for him and hope that someday he will find happiness. Someday I hope that I get the chance to tell him how much he meant to me back then and still today. You never forget your first love.