Realusions

Actually, he was just a voice who'd been with me since I was twelve. I didn't know his name. He wouldn't tell me. But he was the voice inside my head. I would never tell my older sister about him. But let's put him aside for now so I can show you where I'm coming from. My mom was half way across the country and probably would freak out anyway. I'd been at Josephine's Boarding School for the Young Elite since I was nine.

Kayla and I were sent here when my mom married Senator Franklin of Massachusetts. Just like that we became royalty. Well, sort of.

My dad worked for the FBI before he died. We were pretty well off most of the time. He died on the job. We weren't supposed to know how it happened and that was something we expected. So Mom got remarried to Franklin and became his trophy wife. I shouldn't say that. I know they love each other, its what he did to Kayla and me that irritates me.

We were now the elite-by-marriage.

"Terra Sylmar," the teacher called out loud. I raised my hand. Johnson passed me back my paper. I looked at my grade and grimaced.

'You've done better,' the voice told me.

I knew that. I ignored him. I never talked back to him. The fact that I was a lunatic was my little secret and as far as the Voice knew, I couldn't even hear him. I tucked my paper into my backpack.

The girls in front of me started to whisper something about their grades. The bell rang, thank all that is holy and sacred. I got up gratefully and shrugged my backpack on the maroon required blazer we had to wear. I kept my head down walking along the hallway bumping shoulders as I eagerly tried to get to my room.

Then I came across a disgusting sight.

"Ugh, Kayla..." I groaned as I saw my sister's face stuck onto some other girl's boyfriend's face. She was a pretty girl of course, but always desperate to fit in. She wanted to be an elite the same way my mom became one.

I grimaced and walked even faster toward my room.

'Your sister is kind of a slut.'

That made me stop in my tracks. The people who'd been walking behind me ran into me nearly knocking me down.

"Hey! Watch it!" some kid shouted. I would have apologized any other time. The kids walked around me and I casually joined the flow down the hall to escape the stampede that always swelled inside the halls as soon as any bell rang.

"Shut up," I grumbled under my breath.

'What?' Voice said mockingly. 'Is she talking to me?'

"Just, shut up," I said and then refused to allow myself anymore out loud chatting with the Voice. Three years ago when the Voice first showed up, it made it's presence known discreetly. Talking to me, first only in my dreams and then he slowly seeped into my conscious. He made me question my sanity, though for what it's worth, he told me I was perfectly sane.

I hear voices. I can't be sane.

But the rest of me was fine. I never saw anything strange. I didn't think I was Jesus or Superman. I couldn't be too crazy. Right?

But aparently my breaking my vow of silence to the Voice was encouraging. And now that he knew my hot button, I knew he would never let it go. Not until I gave in and talked to him.

'That is the THIRD boy this week. THIRD!' Voice complained and made a 'tsk, tsk' sound in my head. 'Your father's death must have screwed her up more severely than you.'

"I don't know. At least she doesn't hear voices in her head," I muttered in the hum of the crowd of kids shuffling to class around me.

'Ah! She does speak!' Voice said amused. Stopped ignoring me, have you now?

That was it, I decided. Voice and I needed to talk. I stomped my way passed people in the hall, marched down the stairs and across the room to my dormitory. My private, expensive dormitory. The Voice chattered on relentlessly all the way there. I think someone tried to say hi to me, but I ignored them.

By the time I reached my room, I was actually running. I burst into my room and slammed the door behind me, sending a Johnny Depp poster floating to the ground.

"Stop it!" I ordered.
'Stop what?'

"Stop talking! I don't want to hear what you have to say!" I said. "Oh God. I am crazy." Hot tears fell down without my permission. The streams never seemed to stop flowing after that. My sobs were heavy and choking. Voice was finally quiet. For a while I thought maybe I had cast my own demon out of me.

I've done nothing wrong. I think I've been a very good guest, even with a very rude host.

"Fine then," I said. "What are you?" Voice was quiet. I waited patiently for an answer.
'You can call me... ' It seemed to be thinking of an answer. A fake answer. 'Roy.'

"Why not give me a real name?" I asked it.

'You can't tell me you've never seen Die Hard. Come on. That's a great line.'

My brow furrowed.

"What?" I said.

'Move to the mirror.' I looked around my room and then to the mirrored closet. I stared back at my reflection. I looked like any other student. Maybe a little less attractive than most. My hair was scruffy and in my face with overgrown bangs. Blue eyes peered from behind the veil of hair.

My shoes were kind of clunky, toes pointed slightly inward like a child and dark blue knee high socks.

"What about it?" I said distracting my depressing thoughts that came with looking in the mirror.

'Pull back your hair.'

"You better be getting at something with this, Roy," I said. Roy laughed as I said his name. I pulled back my strange shaded strawberry blonde hair that made my hair look like I soaked it in Kool Aid every night. I blinked and sighed as I waited for a response.

Then something terrifying happened. An extra arm, black as a silhouette in my well lighted bedroom sprouted from behind me as though whatever Roy was, was standing right behind me. My eyes were wide. I couldn't move or speak. The hand stroked the edge of my jaw. I couldn't feel it, but I saw it in the mirror. Only my own reflection showed the arm, where in reality it wasn't there.

'No one can ever see this but me.'

I screamed and covered my mouth immediately.

'Shut up!' Roy commanded. 'You're going to get the monitors in there. You want to explain to them why you're screaming?'

"What do you want?" I said turning my back to the mirror.

'Nothing, really. Well, there is something.'

"What?"

'You.'

"Me? Why?" I said digging deep for any spare bravery I had. My voice was still shaking. Then now of all times, Roy stopped talking. "Hey." My voice lacked the demand I'd intended. All was still and suddenly I was all alone in my room.

~*~

After I'd covered all the mirrors with any poster I could find, even a few dating back to the dynasty of N'Sync and Backstreet Boys, I took a nap. I felt refreshed when I woke up, waiting a beat to see if Roy was going to make himself known. I had a habit of sleeping in the day, since I loved the night. I laid there comfortably my natural almost pink colored hair sprawled and tangled in my face since I slept on my stomach. The phone rang.

I checked the time. Suddenly all my grogginess fell away. I reached for the phone.

"Hello?" I said quickly.

"Terra baby," my mom's voice sang. I couldn't control the smile across my face.

"Hi Mom," I said sitting up in bed.
"How was your day?"

"Fine." It could not have been a bigger lie. I'd never been more scared in my life.

"Make any new friends?"
'Do I count?'

I gasped slightly as Roy made his presence known.

"No," I said after swallowing hard.

"Aw, honey. These are the years of your life. Share yourself with the people around you. It's selfish to keep you all to yourself," my mom teased. Her voice shifted to utter excitement. "Justin is getting ready for the new election. We're so excited. When you and Kayla come down there's going to be lots of parties. And politicians bringing home eligible sons."

"Oh," I said trying sound interested. Truth was those boys were often peers who knew how weird I was. And it was hard to compete with Kayla who was only a year older and was, well...more...

'Slutty?'

Well, yeah. Slutty.

'They don't deserve you anyway.'

Can you keep it down? I'm on the phone.

"Hey Mom, guess what?" I said just to distract myself from my more conversation.

"What?" Mom said just as overly excited as I'd made myself sound. I thought for a moment trying to think of something to say.

"I-I got a...date," I lied. I'm surprised she didn't hear me smack my forehead in disgust with myself. My mom's excited squeal was so high pitched that the neighbor's dogs were probably cringing.

"What's his name?" Mom said. I could hear her high heels clacking in the background as she was probably jumping up and down.

"Roy," I said.

I did not just say that.

'Oh, but you did.'

"Roy what?"

"Er..." I said thinking and looking around the room. My eyes fell on the Backstreet Boys poster covering up the mirror where I had my traumatic experience. "Carter."

"Oh my...Terra! That's great!" Mom said. "Oh honey. I'm going to call you tomorrow, but right now I'm in the middle of getting ready for a dinner and I still have to call your sister."

"Okay," I said my voice still weak and cracking with disbelief at my own self.

"I love you, sweetheart! I can't until you get home! Mwa!"

"Love you too," I said. I hung up the phone and put my face in my hands. I waited for snappy comebacks. I waited for the good one liners that Roy was so good at coming up with. Nothing. I heard nothing at all. I stared at the ceiling for a long time. I felt like an idiot.

Instead of keeping my crazy to myself, I had to bring it into reality. An hour past by. I moved around, did some homework and went on the internet before Roy started at it again. In my private bedroom I felt both safe and in danger at the same time. Today was the first time I'd ever seen Roy. Or at least had a delusion with him aside from his voice. Before today he'd never introduced himself as anything, before today I'd never spoken back to him.

That's what it was. I was paying too much attention to him.

'You never told me where we're going on our date.'

I said nothing.

'Oh, come on Terra. Don't start that again.'

I blinked at the blank computer screen in front of me. Then the idea struck me. What if I started writing out my experiences? What if I passed it off as a fictional story? I could release my ideas into the wilderness of the world and not have to expect people thought I was insane.

'I will make myself known whether you ignore me or not. You can't pretend I'm not here forever-...' I turned on my music as loud as I could and drowned every noise that wasn't my own personal thoughts.

Oh, yes I could.

My fingers clacked at the keys automatically connected with my brain. Writing down my day as I thought about it. Soon Ray's whines and threats just faded into the back of my mind.

~*~

I admit that I got a little bit cocky. A little swagger in my step accompanied by a head bob as I never left my MP3 player at home.

'Terra...' I am not a very assertive person. Nor do I normally like to come off as rude or offensive. But because Roy had been tormenting me for a few years I thought I was completely justified in ignoring him and cranking up the music loud enough to drown him out.

I walked the halls that were currently empty as I had a note to be late to my next class. I even dared to do a little twirl when I was positive no one was watching. Humming along to my music the world was great.

I stepped into my next class and handed my note to the teacher without saying anything. She gave me a nod not tearing her focus from her lecture she was meeting. I went to my seat and opened my notes. Luckily the teachers were linient about MP3 players. Most students were so sure they were going to be politicians and business owners when they grew up that they would never do such a thing as listen to music during class.

I actually found that I did better in class with my music going. Roy wasn't distracting me and the background noise gave me the ability to focus. I wrote down everything the teachers wrote on the boards, figured it out on my own. To be honest I'd never felt this way, having control of my own life.

I smiled like a happy idiot whenever I reflected on this.

I had taken my life back from Roy, whose voice was never louder than an easy-to-ignore whisper.

'Forever...' he said. I hadn't really heard his whole sentence. 'You can't keep this up forever,' he repeated.

Ha, we'll see about that, I thought.

Someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and looked at the people behind me. The guy that had tapped me said something I couldn't hear. I took out an earphone.

"They're calling you to the office," said the guy. I nodded.

"Thank you, Brian," Ms. Thompson went on. I blushed as the class giggled. Apparently they'd been trying to get my attention for a while. I gathered my things and left class. I mosied on down the halls, taking the time to look out the windows. To admire the streams of light that shined through the window patterns.

I walked into the dean's office where there was a smiling secretary. I smiled back at her and took off my ear phones again. Every time I took them out of my ears though, I expected to hear Ray's rages and cries. Not today though.

"Wait there, Ms. Sylmar," she said gesturing to the chairs in the waiting room. I nodded, shoved my ear phones in my ear again and let my newfound peace commence. While I was there, there was a community computer for visitors to use. Since I was the only one there, I decided to check on my story that was ever developing.

The one with me and Roy. I'd posted it on a website I made specifically for myself with the handle, ?Crazy?. I'd even gotten a few comments on it. Some people put anonymous tips about how schitzophrenic people cope to "help the realism of the story". That's where I got the idea to never leave anywhere without my MP3 player.

"Ms. Sylmar?" I turned around and saw the secretary looking forcebly polite. I wondered how long she'd been calling my name.

"Mr. Carter is waiting outside," said the secretary.

"What?" I said confused.

"Mr. Carter? Your father's law partner? He's taking you home for an urgent dinner you have to attend," said the secretary. Trust a boarding school to think a dinner was an emergency.

"I don't know a Mr. Carter," I said. Then it dawned on me. I looked down at my MP3 player that was beeping at me. My battery was low. Every ounce of my overconfidence disappeared. "Roy Carter?"

The secretary nodded.

"You talked to him? On the phone?" I said. She nodded again as if she was getting tired of answering obvious questions. I blinked a few times. I could feel the familiar sting of tears that came with overwhelming fear.

'Look outside to see a black Celica. Two door,' Roy said. I slowly got up and walked toward the window.

Lo and behold the Celica waiting just outside the iron gates.

'I told you,' Roy said. The world seemed to slow down. 'You can't ignore me so easy.' Then it came to an abrupt halt as I heard the secretary shriek and run to my aid.

~*~

In the portal of blackness there was a surface against my back full of rocks and dirt. Slowly, one by one, the particles of the world formed together to reveal the scenery. My mind groggily came to making out the shapes above me to be silhouetted branches against an early morning sky. There were a few stars scattered in unfamiliar patterns throughout the pink and blue backdrop.

I was moving, I realized as I lay there on my back. My hands were above my head, my legs crossed and bound at the ankles. I was being dragged!

As soon as I realized this my head snapped up to see who was pulling me. It was seemingly no one, an invisible held up my arms and pulled me across the dirt path.

I thought about where I was. At least where I should be. I closed my eyes and concentrated.

I'd fainted in the waiting room. Roy Carter, a man only in my imagination, had come to pick me up. But that was impossible, hence the reason he was imaginary. A rickety two-story house came into view. The kitchen windows had a light on. People were cooking and walking casually from room to room like it was just some ordinary house.

'Say it,' Roy said teasingly.

No! Don't say anything! Ignore him. He doesn't exist.

'You won't wake up until you acknowledge me. I can promise you that,' he added. I looked around for a person or anything that could have possibly spoken. His voice boomed from the left and right of me at once.

"I'm insane," I deducted. "I may be insane, but you're not real." Roy's irritated sigh came as a gust from the trees. Faintly I could hear the bustling of reality. The nurse, the principal, the frantic cries of the secretary.

'I am real. You can rest assured you are a perfectly healthy minded girl,' Roy said. 'You can't deny me. How did that woman know my name?'

"Someone must have heard me say your name over the phone with my mom," I explained quickly. "Maybe this guy was just a stalker."

'I'm offended you'd rather have a true insane person after you than someone you know,' Roy said. He added a 'tsk, tsk' sound that echoed around the trees.

Bump!

"Ow!" I shrieked having been dragged up one step of the porch of the house.

Bump!

And then another. The screen door opened. I was dragged by the invisible force into the house and across the carpet. I looked up as a woman with shining eyes came to greet me.

"Oh-!" she said happily.

Then I blinked and all of the sudden I was awake surrounded by the worried faces of the nursing staff.

~*~

"You gave us quite a scare there," the nurse said.

"I don't know any Roy Carter! Don't let him come in here!" I burst sitting up too quickly. My head spun painfully. I gripped my head and groaned.

(It's a work in progress)