If Only

If only you knew what I went through
night and day you caused me pain
then you were gone and left me alone
with unhealed wounds caused by you
I wish you understood that my life wasn't good
I wish you felt my heart melt
I wish that you hated me endlessly
the same way I hate you
but I wish that you still dream of me each night
and want me back to love and hold tight
the way I feel all the time
when you run your way through my mind
I hope you despise the way I am
all the way from my head to my feet
I hope, to me, you never want to speak
but I pray that one day you'll try to find me
and take me back to have for yourself
the way I planned to do you
but hesitate when the hate comes rushing back
and you have to face the facts
that there will never be you and me
never again will we be friends
but I hope you feel what I feel
and hurt the way I hurt
I hope you die a little inside
each time you think of me
the way I die when your memories
flood my mind day and night
I hope you go insane when you hear my name
and imagine you heard my voice calling you
the way I hallucinate and see your face
wishing that I didn't have to chase
but I do and I can never reach you
If only you knew what I went through