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I was lying on the floor leaning on the sofa in the drawing room of Akshat’s residence … smoking…a cold sweat had drenched me. I was lying there for half-an-hour…perhaps more. There were three diaries on the floor by my side. The past couple of hours had been a mental ordeal for me.

I am a Software Engineer by profession. It was about 16 years ago when I started this software firm with Akshat, with a meagre investment of a couple of lakhs and just 2 clients in place. Now, it stands tall as one of the leading software consultancy organization in the sub-continent. The success of our firm can be attributed much to Akshat. Right from the college days I have known him as an absolute genius in mind and gem of a human being.

This financial year has been an excellent one for us so far. Be it the acquisition of the leading BPO by our company or the enormous reputation that we gained by completing the over-hyped necessities of Lee-Walter Bank. The bank wanted us to revamp and upgrade its entire existing software. But the task seemed to be Herculean as it was to be completed within a concrete deadline of five months. Not a single software company dared to stake its reputation by taking the job as such a task would under normal circumstances take two years to complete. We took the decision to take the chances and play with this calculated risk. Everything went fine and according to the projections made by us during the start of the project, until the last forty days of the deadline. Suddenly the Employee Associations across the country went on an indefinite strike with some demands to the government. The project which seemed to end smoothly now looked to be impossible. It was then that Akshat took every thing back on track by distributing the final phases of testing and integration to foreign firms. He himself shuttled between Bangalore and New York. It was one more exuberant display of his genius mind at work.

I arrived here at Akshat’s residence yesterday. He bought and shifted to this luxurious bungalow last month with his mother, wife and younger brother Apoorv who had completed his graduation this year. It was three hours ago that Akshat’s in-laws wanted to have a family get together. I tried to spend my time by fiddling with my laptop for some time. Something instigated me to walk towards the bookshelf in the corner of the room. I picked up books at random and then placed them back with no interest in any of them. On the topmost shelf was a diary, first page of which indicated that it belongs to Akshat’s mother. I started flipping through the pages. I shouldn’t have done that. Suddenly one line took me back. I started reading the entry with some curiosity.


20th September, 2006

Today was a terrible day for the mother in me. Akshat may have become a successful man today, he may be regarded as the businessman of the nation, but I feel he is no more a human being. He has become more of a machine concerned only with its work, he is convinced that his sole purpose of existence is minting money. He feels his business is much more important than the family and to such an extent that he decided not to attend the rituals of his father’s death anniversary for the sake of some meetings.

He is not at all interested in the family affairs. He seems to ignore me, and his behavior towards his brother is of sheer indifference.  He considers Apoorv can be of no use to anybody whatsoever.  I’ve asked him several times to help his brother, give him some time, to talk to him, all in vain. He always has some important work as an excuse for procrastination.

I just don’t know how I should deal with my own family. On one hand I have a child in bad company; on the other I have Akshat, who is least bothered about us. Yesterday Apoorv came home drunk and was barely able to move, and he was escorted by his friends who themselves were out of their senses.  I’ve been looking for the right time to talk to him on Apoorv’s matter for quite some time. Yesterday’s incidence compelled me to visit Akshat’s office rather than to wait for the appropriate time. I asked him to give Apoorv a job in his company. I tried to reason that this would give Apoorv a sense of responsibility and an opportunity to have his self-confidence back. I was shocked to hear Akshat’s response. He said it was me who had spoilt him. According to him it was due to my behavior of treating him as a child has made the circumstances such. How can he forget that I was the very same mother who has brought him up? Am I also responsible for his indifference and neglect for the family? He said that there are thousands of unemployed in the country who are more qualified and eligible than Apoorv and it would not be proper to give any benefit to him which he doesn’t deserve.

I thought it was proper to forgive him for not attending the puja on his fathers death anniversary, but now the negligence on his part towards his brother is really difficult to accept.

I am literally in tears as I am writing this.

B. D.

I sat down again. I couldn’t imagine a person whom I regarded as the best as far as dealing with situations and people as such could be a failure in his family life. I was forced to think on it. I decided to look for Akshat’s diary. I was convinced somehow that Akshat could not be wrong to this extent. I entered his study with a dilemma as on what would be the reaction of my dearest friend if he came to know about this. I decided not to think about it. My eyes caught the leather bound diary on his table. I started flipping through the pages as I started moving towards the drawing room. I opened the page which read 20th sep 2006, sat down on the floor and lit another cigarette.


20th September 2006

It seems as if everyone in my family is unhappy with me. They just don’t care about my problems or responsibilities. They don’t want to acknowledge the hardships I’ve undergone in starting this company and taking it to such heights. They are not concerned about the years of effort that I’ve put in bringing up our middle class family to one of the esteemed ones.

How can I explain it to her that on the occasion of puja on Baba’s Death anniversary, I was struggling hard against bad times to save my firm? I had to rush to New-York for the sake of our reputation during the Lee-Walter Project.

Today ma came to my office. She wanted me to offer a job to Apoorv. How can I do this? I know that Apoorv is no more a kid. He has started drinking socially. All his does is wasting time. Offering him a job in such circumstances will only mean giving him more freedom and money to waste. I want him to take up a job however small on scale by himself but not in my firm, at least for a couple of months before I offer him a job with me. I’ve told this a thousand times, but he doesn’t seem to listen. That will not only teach him the value of money and what it takes to earn it but will also inculcate a feeling of respect for work.

I don’t want to see my brother spoilt by the circumstances. I’ve already decided to make him the Vice-President, but only after he has graduated on the mental level for the responsibility.

Akshat


By the time I ended it I was convinced that I had to read his Apoorv’s diary. I headed towards Apoorv’s room, this time amoral. I looked on his table, bookshelf and got hold of it in his almirah. I walked back to the drawing room fluttered through the pages and sat down on the floor once again reading the entry on the same date.


20th September, 2006

NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME…. I don’t know what to do. Yesterday I came home drunk. I just don’t know how it happened. My friends forced me to drink saying it will ease pressure. I am really embarrassed for it.

Bhai thinks I am a spoilt brat of no use. He wants me to take up any job on my own accord. He seems to talk too ideally. How can I explain that a mere graduate like me can’t expect anything more than ten thousand bucks. What will my friends say…Only brother of a multi millionaire working for ten thousand?

I just want to have a chance. Only once if Bhai gives me an opportunity to work with him I will work whole-heartedly, day & night to prove myself.

Apoorv


I lay there leaning on the sofa…still..not moving at all.
As I extinguished my last cigarette, the doorbell rang……Akshat was back.
I put the ashtray on the table, leaving the diaries on the floor…I moved towards the door…