Police Revealed as Mastermind

POLICE REVEALED AS MASTERMIND BEHIND “SOCCER” SHAM

                        Association Football’s foundations were shaken to its very foundations yesterday as it was revealed that the game is merely an elaborate hoax designed to fool hardworking Police horses into thinking they are intellectually superior to their more leisure-orientated cousin, the Common Racehorse.
                        The comments came in the wake of uproar within the equestrian community after Death From Above, the 2-1 Favourite in the Milton Keynes Gold Cup, admitted to “dabbling” in recreational drugs as a promising young stallion.
                        It was alleged that Football is, and always has been, a “work,” not dissimilar to Professional Wrestling or the ancient Irish sport of Bogey Discus.
                        Although the statement came from an anonymous source and was only revealed late the night before last in the ten minute freeview before the porn comes on, it was verified yesterday lunchtime by David Beckham.
                        “Oh yeah. It’s been the Football industry’s worst best-kept secret for years” claimed Beckham while tucking into a Ginsters’ Oversized Pork Pie.
                        “You need to have a Carrot-and-Stick situation with horses, particularly those in the employ of Her Majesty’s Government. I’ve been on the Met’s payroll for years. If it weren’t for people like me you’d have a whole horse nation on the Social, making noises about group force.
                        “And who can blame them? Given the chance, I’d sooner be sat on my arse while the old woman talks about her piles and how Tesco’s own brand bogroll cuts her arse to ribbons.”
                        Despite Mr. Beckham’s embarrassing and at times baffling lack of coherence, we later ascertained that he was in fact an imposter and the real Mr. Beckham was in fact living in a leper colony near Etchingham.
                        But what now for Football?
                        Many have speculated that it only go the way of the Dodo, the Ford Anglia and George Best. Others, however, believing that now the truth is out, the only way is up, have suggested gay lycra kits and foppish entrance music.
                        “………..” commented George Best from beyond the grave.