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Results for my "Wanted: Boyfriend" survey. Hilarious! |
Here're the responses I've received for my survey "Wanted: Boyfriend"  . Thanks everyone for filling it out and providing me with a laugh!Newest responses are listed first. If you don't want to see your response here (or want to remain anonymous) please e-mail me.    From scribbler   :1. Name: Enter your ideal name. No, this doesn't have to be your real name, just the name you think you should have gotten. Note: management not responsible for legal action resulting from infringement on well-known names including but not limited to George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, etc. Answer: Greaty McSexerton 2. Age: Young and spry? Or older and more experienced? Answer: 18 - 24 3. Location: Please enter the city, state, and country you hail from. Answer: Handsonville, Canada 4. Education: What is the highest level of education you have received? Answer: High school 5. Income: What is your current income level? Answer: Less than $20,000 - Happy dreamer 6. Training: What, if any, training have you received previously in the "boyfriend" field? Please list classes or hours spent. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: Well, I'm actually a girl, and a straight girl at that but I thought to myself this here is a funny woman, she should TRY woman for a change. Then I thought to myself how creepy it would be for a 17 year old girl to hit on you. So just pretend I'm greaty mcsexerton, the hotest thing in pants you've ever see. I'm 22 and have had three serious girlfriends, only two of which I've slept with. I teach a course out of my basement called: How to be sexy and treat your woman right! It's actually very sucessful. 7. Experience: What, if any, previous experience have you had? Please list all previous girlfriends. Give reason for break up. Provide e-mail addresses for further reference. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: 1. Sara Berrington - grades 6-6.5. - broke up over artistic issues. She was still finger painting and I had moved on the brushes 2. Catherine Jones - grades 9-12 - broke up because I slept with her best friend on prom night. 3. jennifer aniston - last week - broke up because she was still in love with brad pit 8. Essay: Submit an essay to the following prompt. Please limit yourself to no more than 500 words. It's Valentine's day. Do you buy roses or chocolates for your significant other, and why? Note: Yes, we know the perfect answer is "Both!", but please keep reality in mind: most males don't do either, so getting just one is quite an achievement. Answer: i buy a chocolate statue of my buff bod for her, then get roses for me. 9. Appearance: Do you have...? Answer: No facial hair 10. Skills: Do you...? Answer: Play the guitar 11. Stuff: Do you own...? Answer: Two or more of the above 12. Other_Skills: What other attributes do you feel would make you the perfect boyfriend? Don't be shy! Tell us everything! Note: Graphic content should comply with the management's standards of good taste. These have been left purposefully vague for reasons of market research. Answer: i have a hot bod, and im ever so charming 13. Vague: This question left purposefully vague for legal reasons. Answer: so how do you like your eggs in the morning, baby cakes? 14. References: Please list the names, addresses, and phone numbers of up to three and not more than five persons whom we may contact as a reference for your character. Please do not list family or ex-girlfriends in this section. Answer: 1-786-345-6576 - jennifer aniston's agent 15. Picture: Got a hot picture? Send it via the link below! Note: porn or inappropriate pictures are grounds for disqualification. No refunds. Answer: From gypsy4evermore :1. Name: Enter your ideal name. No, this doesn't have to be your real name, just the name you think you should have gotten. Note: management not responsible for legal action resulting from infringement on well-known names including but not limited to George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, etc. Answer: Dirk Pitt 2. Age: Young and spry? Or older and more experienced? Answer: 25 - 39 3. Location: Please enter the city, state, and country you hail from. Answer: Unex, Plored, Territory 4. Education: What is the highest level of education you have received? Answer: College degree 5. Income: What is your current income level? Answer: $60,000 to $79,999 - Ka-ching! 6. Training: What, if any, training have you received previously in the "boyfriend" field? Please list classes or hours spent. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: Age 0-11: Spent with my family on-board their sailboat. Our task was to bring medical aid and relief to third world countries. When I was eight, I recieved international recognition for single handedly saving an entire South East Pacific Island from an upstart volcano. During this time I also spent alot of time with my adopted uncle (Mu Chia) from China who taught me the ancient art of Kung Fu as well as the modern art of computer hacking. Ages11-18:On my eleventh birthday, my uncle sorrowfully admited that I'd passed him in ability and he encouraged my parents to send me to China and to learn from the true Masters. I cannot tell much of my time there since I would then have to end your life. Ages18-present: After encountering some disalussionment when...wait, I can't tell you that but will reveal it in a pained and dark matter to the girl that I will be the perfect boyfriend to...I joined the Merchant Marines, but soon afterward my superior skills were discovered and I was recruited to a Secret Service so I could save the world in various ways. 7. Experience: What, if any, previous experience have you had? Please list all previous girlfriends. Give reason for break up. Provide e-mail addresses for further reference. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: The first love of my life...I cannot speak of that (see above reasons) but she was a traitorous angel whom is now tormented in the deepest of hells. After that, love was hard to find although my poor Lina came close to keeping my heart...if only she'd survived the blast!!! 8. Essay: Submit an essay to the following prompt. Please limit yourself to no more than 500 words. It's Valentine's day. Do you buy roses or chocolates for your significant other, and why? Note: Yes, we know the perfect answer is "Both!", but please keep reality in mind: most males don't do either, so getting just one is quite an achievement. Answer: Buy? Neither!!! I would give her wild flowers picked from the summit of the mountain that I climb on weekends!!! 9. Appearance: Do you have...? Answer: Two or more of the above 10. Skills: Do you...? Answer: Two or more of the above 11. Stuff: Do you own...? Answer: Two or more of the above 12. Other_Skills: What other attributes do you feel would make you the perfect boyfriend? Don't be shy! Tell us everything! Note: Graphic content should comply with the management's standards of good taste. These have been left purposefully vague for reasons of market research. Answer: Well, to begin with I'm gorgeous. Tall, dark, strong with perfect features except for a few scars that are tasteful in their placement on my face. I am fairly well off with a house in the Alps and a Vinyard in France. I can take care of my lady and am respected by all men...if not feared. Oh yes, and I'm humble, witty, intellgent and an the actual inventor of the internet. 13. Vague: This question left purposefully vague for legal reasons. Answer: Hehe...there could be a list long and wide for this...but I will refrain. 14. References: Please list the names, addresses, and phone numbers of up to three and not more than five persons whom we may contact as a reference for your character. Please do not list family or ex-girlfriends in this section. Answer: I can do none of that since my friends are either undercover or are involved in illegal activities even though they have honor, integrity and hearts of pure gold. 15. Picture: Got a hot picture? Send it via the link below! Note: porn or inappropriate pictures are grounds for disqualification. No refunds. Answer: www.kickingbutt.com From ehrydberg: 1. Name: Enter your ideal name. No, this doesn't have to be your real name, just the name you think you should have gotten. Note: management not responsible for legal action resulting from infringement on well-known names including but not limited to George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, etc. Answer: John Rathamon 2. Age: Young and spry? Or older and more experienced? Answer: 25 - 39 3. Location: Please enter the city, state, and country you hail from. Answer: Rugged wilderness of Canada, but now I partake of la bella vita in old Italia 4. Education: What is the highest level of education you have received? Answer: Grad school 5. Income: What is your current income level? Answer: More than $100,000 - I own every major consumer product worth buying 6. Training: What, if any, training have you received previously in the "boyfriend" field? Please list classes or hours spent. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: I have danced the Salsa in Tel Aviv with many a beautiful woman. I have explored the romance of gay Paris. I have rode the gondole of Venice. I have experienced the beauty and majesty of the falls of Niagara. 7. Experience: What, if any, previous experience have you had? Please list all previous girlfriends. Give reason for break up. Provide e-mail addresses for further reference. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: I have had several relationships, each of many years. Sadly, we were still exploring the world and were too young and foolish to know the beauty of exploring a wonderful relationship. 8. Essay: Submit an essay to the following prompt. Please limit yourself to no more than 500 words. It's Valentine's day. Do you buy roses or chocolates for your significant other, and why? Note: Yes, we know the perfect answer is "Both!", but please keep reality in mind: most males don't do either, so getting just one is quite an achievement. Answer: I find roses and chocolates to be too...cliché. I prefer to surprise that special someone with a chauffeured limousine ride to the airport where a chartered plane is waiting. On board there is soft music, champagne and a heart-shaped bed with red, silk sheets. I give her a gentle massage paying particular attention to her tight shoulders, tired feet and delicate toes before moving onto more fun areas. We make love by candlelight and relax with more wine before the plane lands at Orly in gay Paris. We then travel by limo to a private dock on the Seine overlooked by the Louvre. There, we are escorted aboard a chartered yacht where a fine French dinner awaits us while we travel the moonlit Seine watching the lights of the city reflected in each others eyes. 9. Appearance: Do you have...? Answer: Two or more of the above 10. Skills: Do you...? Answer: Two or more of the above 11. Stuff: Do you own...? Answer: Two or more of the above 12. Other_Skills: What other attributes do you feel would make you the perfect boyfriend? Don't be shy! Tell us everything! Note: Graphic content should comply with the management's standards of good taste. These have been left purposefully vague for reasons of market research. Answer: I'm upwardly mobile, down to Earth and well centered. I have a red Mazarati, a grey Rolls Royce, 3 maids, two butlers and a grounds keeper who is a recently retired Chipendale's dancer. The cellar is always stocked with Italian cheeses, French Champagne and German sausage. I work long hours but am always available when you need me, I'm not jealous, unless you want me to be, and I have large, empty wardrobes that are in need of filling. 13. Vague: This question left purposefully vague for legal reasons. Answer: That is good. You don't want to mess with lawyers. 14. References: Please list the names, addresses, and phone numbers of up to three and not more than five persons whom we may contact as a reference for your character. Please do not list family or ex-girlfriends in this section. Answer: Al B. thair 123 Dependable Drive 604-543-7128 Kant Dobetter 71a Inyour Court 204-331-8412 Carlme Netime 812 Plz U. 446-412-0936 15. Picture: Got a hot picture? Send it via the link below! Note: porn or inappropriate pictures are grounds for disqualification. No refunds. Answer: Sadly, I'm invisible to cameras  From Purple Cow :1. Name: Enter your ideal name. No, this doesn't have to be your real name, just the name you think you should have gotten. Note: management not responsible for legal action resulting from infringement on well-known names including but not limited to George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, etc. Answer: Robin D Bank 2. Age: Young and spry? Or older and more experienced? Answer: 25 - 39 3. Location: Please enter the city, state, and country you hail from. Answer: NowhereVille MA, USA 4. Education: What is the highest level of education you have received? Answer: Grade school 5. Income: What is your current income level? Answer: Less than $20,000 - Happy dreamer 6. Training: What, if any, training have you received previously in the "boyfriend" field? Please list classes or hours spent. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: I took "Woman's Studies" once, the chicks there really could dig my new way "getting in touch with my feminine side." Oh did they coo! I've also taken pottery classes, art, sweet sweet ballet, and the occasional yoga classes. I am the master of disguise! And I can spin! 7. Experience: What, if any, previous experience have you had? Please list all previous girlfriends. Give reason for break up. Provide e-mail addresses for further reference. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: Oh boy, let's see... My first girlfriend was sweet little Rosalyn. We were both five so I'm not sure if she counts or not. Three days after her obsession with me began she dropped me like a bad habit for some golden-haired pretty boy... and I apparently ate some of her paste, or so she says. Its community paste, come on! Delicious paste... The first 'real' girlfriend I had, as opposed to all those fake ones I made up was Clarissa. We were fourteen at the time and we broke up because she apparently had some misguided notions to what having a boyfriend really meant... She had me carrying 50 pounds worth of books, opening doors, stuttering in frustration... oh it was awful! At one point she had me scooping dog poo! Dog poo! My next girlfriend was Josie. She was really popular. I did all her homework for her and occasionally she'd look at me with those flippant fluttering eyelashes and feign interest as I regaled her at length about anime and other nerdy things. Apparently she was embarrassed to be seen with me so that didn't work... Besides that she had two other boyfriends.. something I probably should have considered before I filled out all those standardized tests for her... The next girlfriend I had lasted from 15 to her graduation. We broke up because little Missy was moving on to "bigger and better things." After that I went through a rough spell... basically went through all these fine ladies: Alice - "You're sweet but I want more from my life... I mean look at this day planner! There's just no room for you anymore. Sorry. Hope you have no hard feelings." Loraine - "You know when I first saw you in pottery class I thought it was really cute how hard you were trying to impress me and how miserably you were failing but now I find you creepy. Would you please stop hiding in the bushes behind my house already? It's over!" Trish - "You're scaring away all my customers, please just... go away and find some other lap dancer to pity you." Val - "My parents have arranged a marriage for me with another guy... no offense but they hate you. I'm leaving for the island of East Oshagonia tomorrow... it's been fun, ta-ta!" (I never did quite believe this one. I've yet to find East Oshgonia on a map.) Anne - "Girlfriend? hahaha, good one." Devin - "Laughing purple fishies!" (She was institutionalized after that comment. – I should have seen this one coming after the incidence with the chickens and the meter maid.) Suki - "Yeeeeah after last night you made me realize - I'm a lesbian!" Lexi - "Would you sill love me if I were a dude?" I may be missing some here... 8. Essay: Submit an essay to the following prompt. Please limit yourself to no more than 500 words. It's Valentine's day. Do you buy roses or chocolates for your significant other, and why? Note: Yes, we know the perfect answer is "Both!", but please keep reality in mind: most males don't do either, so getting just one is quite an achievement. Answer: It's Valentine's Day?! dude, no one told me it's Valentine's Day! Eh, it's all just a made up holiday to buy candy-colored crap off card companies anyway... 9. Appearance: Do you have...? Answer: Two or more of the above 10. Skills: Do you...? Answer: Play Dungeons and Dragons 11. Stuff: Do you own...? Answer: None of the above 12. Other_Skills: What other attributes do you feel would make you the perfect boyfriend? Don't be shy! Tell us everything! Note: Graphic content should comply with the management's standards of good taste. These have been left purposefully vague for reasons of market research. Answer: Uhm, I don't know. My previous girlfriends make me think women want someone to do everything for them... except things that are seen as "chauvinistic" or "primitive"... They want me to listen to every word they say even when smoke's pouring out of my ears... They want input on their discussions they have between them and themselves... I nod my head and say "yes" repeating what they say occasionally and always saying "you look beautiful honey." They want someone who will always stand up for them but not beat on anyone... They want someone who will agree with everything they say and do no matter how wrong it is. They want someone who always takes the blame. Flowers wilt and chocolate "goes straight to my hips!" but apparently you always want both. You're all psycho and you want a quiet behind-the-scenes keeper, no? 13. Vague: This question left purposefully vague for legal reasons. Answer: When do I get the cookie and OJ I was promised? 14. References: Please list the names, addresses, and phone numbers of up to three and not more than five persons whom we may contact as a reference for your character. Please do not list family or ex-girlfriends in this section. Answer: John Doe 123 Fake Street East Oshgosh (country unknown) 555-3467 Heywood U Cuddleme 69 Blue Av Intercourse, PA 555-8519 Al Coholic 38 Fire Lane 40 Normal IL 555-9992 15. Picture: Got a hot picture? Send it via the link below! Note: porn or inappropriate pictures are grounds for disqualification. No refunds. Answer: You wish! Just can't keep your hands off me! From mrziggles: 1. Name: Enter your ideal name. No, this doesn't have to be your real name, just the name you think you should have gotten. Note: management not responsible for legal action resulting from infringement on well-known names including but not limited to George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Matthew McConaughey, etc. Answer: Orlando Marconi 2. Age: Young and spry? Or older and more experienced? Answer: 25 - 39 3. Location: Please enter the city, state, and country you hail from. Answer: Rome, Italy 4. Education: What is the highest level of education you have received? Answer: Grad school 5. Income: What is your current income level? Answer: More than $100,000 - I own every major consumer product worth buying 6. Training: What, if any, training have you received previously in the "boyfriend" field? Please list classes or hours spent. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: The field of boyfriend? Or what I went to grad school for and how I made my fortune? I have a law degree. But I also took a kissing class at the Sorbonne. It was summer in Paris and I neded somebody- err- something to do. 7. Experience: What, if any, previous experience have you had? Please list all previous girlfriends. Give reason for break up. Provide e-mail addresses for further reference. Use reverse if necessary. Answer: Monica Bellucci: my sex drive was too high. Laetitia Casta: she wanted to spend more time in France. Vanessa Borrego: she was strictly a time-killer until I made it as a big-time lawyer. There have also been a series of one-night stands, one-morning stands, and various other flings. 8. Essay: Submit an essay to the following prompt. Please limit yourself to no more than 500 words. It's Valentine's day. Do you buy roses or chocolates for your significant other, and why? Note: Yes, we know the perfect answer is "Both!", but please keep reality in mind: most males don't do either, so getting just one is quite an achievement. Answer: I buy chocolates, then melt them into hot chocolate sauce which I then proceed to either lick off my lover's body or let her lick it off mine. She may decide which. 9. Appearance: Do you have...? Answer: Two or more of the above 10. Skills: Do you...? Answer: Play 11. Stuff: Do you own...? Answer: Two or more of the above 12. Other_Skills: What other attributes do you feel would make you the perfect boyfriend? Don't be shy! Tell us everything! Note: Graphic content should comply with the management's standards of good taste. These have been left purposefully vague for reasons of market research. Answer: I have a big "rooster", but I ask you not to think of me as a sex object. I have ripped abs and strong arms, but please- I am so much more than my body. My tongue can go for hours, but there is so much more to life than sex. I am a good listener. I am a devoted loyalist. My time, my energy, my extravagant life-style- all this can be yours, mon ami. I believe in women's liberation and that women should have power in the board-room but also in the bedroom. So you need not be shy with Orlando. While other guys might shower you with lavish gifts, then expect you to submit to them, I will shower you with lavish gifts, then thoroughly enjoy it when you control our fun. Are you feeling aggressive? Ar you sick of society judging your more exotic desires? Come join me, and bring your whips and cuffs, your paddles and such. I offer you true sexual freedom. I offer you true life freedom. 13. References: Please list the names, addresses, and phone numbers of up to three and not more than five persons whom we may contact as a reference for your character. Please do not list family or ex-girlfriends in this section. Answer: David and Victoria Beckham: 224 B Baker Street- London, England. Though they do spend a lot of time in Spain and are moving to California in a few months. Sophia Loren: 36 D Wilshire Boulevard- Beverly Hils, California. Manu Ginobili: 411 Coyote Boulevard- San Antonio, Texas. 14. Picture: Got a hot picture? Send it via the link below! Note: porn or inappropriate pictures are grounds for disqualification. No refunds. Answer: I am currently negotiating an exclusive photo spread for Playgirl Magazine, and as such, can not send you any pics. I do promise that when we meet you will be quite satisfied. At least twice. Liked what you read? Try it for yourself!
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