The Ultimate Thundergod Showdown

Thor VS Zeus

Narrator
         First, there was Zeus, King of gods, Greek Thundergod...
(Eye shot, passes off screen.)

News reporter (Cuts to GNN News, Mount Olympus)
         This just in, the Temple of Zeus has been destroyed by some unknown force!
(Shot of the temple getting struck by lightning.)
         Are we seeing the rise of a new Thundergod, capable of displacing the mighty Zeus?

Narrator
         Then... From the barbarian lands, (Shot of vikings and a village burning.) Rose Thor, God of Thunder.
(Eye shot, passes off screen.)
(Cuts to Thor, standing in a wrestling ring, some guy in a greek helmet getting dragged away.)

Thor
         This is a throwdown, old man! I’m calling you out!
(Cuts to Zeus watching on TV, can still hear Thor.)
         I’m coming for you, Zeus. I will prove that, once and for all, am THE Thundergod!
(Zooms in or Zeus’s eye)
         Let me know Pops! I know you got them hips to worry about. Don’t worry, I’ll break both of them. Better bring your walker, Zeus, cuz you’re gonna need it! The Ultimate Celestial Showdown begins now!
(Cut to Zeus, standing on a rock, a lightning bolt in his hand.)

Zeus
         I accept this Barbarians challenge! I’ve ruled as Supreme Thundergod for this long, and I ain’t giving up until i’m dead and cold!
(Pans to news announcer.)

Announcer
         Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, today the final verdict will be handed down. Who is the Ultimate Thundergod? We take you now to the Thunderdome, the only place capable of containing these two raging gods. Loki?
(Cuts to Loki, hanging upside down.)

Loki
         And a fine day it is too, here at the Thunderdome. Today, we’ll see the world change as these two battle it out for all of eternity! Let the best Norse win!
(Lightning strikes loki, sending him flying out of the scene, swings back behind Zeus, keeps swinging. Zeus steps in.)

Zeus
         I thought this was supposed to be unbiased coverage! What’s he doing here?
(Cuts to inside the Thunderdome, the ref is walking around the ring, nervously.)

Ref
         I sure hope they don’t use their lightning in here, it might make things a little dangerous. Oh, cursed fate!
(Cuts to three old women in the stand, handing a handheld TV back and forth.)

Fate I
         Did he just curse us?

Fate II
         Lets get a rerun of that, huh, Father Time?

Ref
         Oh, cursed fate!

Fate II
         Yep, he did.

Fate III
         Told ya, got his string?

Fate I
         You mean this one? I didn’t have the TV when i was getting it so I don’t know.

Fate II
         Aww, it’ll do in a heartbeat.
(Cuts back to the ring.)

Announcer
         And in this corner, we have Zeus, the Almighty!
(Zeus enters with an entourage, throwing flowers and harp music. Torches come up behind him. Enters the Ring.)

Zeus
         Zeus is Thundergod, here and now, there and forever!

Announcer
         And in this corner, Thor, the Hammerman!
(Massive hammer falls onto the ring, bursts, smoke clouds everything. Thor walks out of the smoke.)

Thor
         Got your walker, old man?

Announcer
         Let the battle begin!
(Zeus leans over to one of his companions.)

Zeus
         Next time, I want an entrance like that.

Ref
         Already gentlemen, you both know the rules, here tonight.

Thor
         Complete chaos, whoever walks out alive wins all.

Zeus
         No, its gentlemanly fighting. Pistols or swords, ref?

Ref
         Actually, he’s right.

Zeus
         But that’s barbaric!
Thor
         That’s the whole point, old man.

Zeus
         Old man, ref, just lemme at’em. Hold me back, boys, hold me back.

Thor
         Shouldn’t we have, like, some kind of demonstration of our power before we fight? Or will that tax you too much, Pops?

Ref
         Sounds like a plan- Zeus, you can  take the gag out? you look retarded.
(Loki swings over the ring.)

Loki
         Yeah, Grandpa, you look reetarrded!

Zeus
         I’ve had it up to here with you, Loki!

Loki
         Up to here? Well, I can go higher if you want me to!

Zeus
         Ref, can we just start our little throwdown, or whatever you call this showing off before the fight?

Thor
         Dude, you are so out of it. Its called a Roast! Or in this case, a Strike!

Zeus
         Whatever! Just let me go first!

Ref
         OK, you both have four minutes to show your stuff. Zeus, you first.

Thor
         Age before beauty!

Zeus
         Shut up! You’re rattling my concentration!

         
Words on Screen
         Time Passes

Zeus
         How’s that for an old man?

Thor
         Harps and birds singing? Come on Pops, there’s gotta be something better that that. Watch this, maybe you’ll learn something.

Loki
         If he doesn’t have a heart attack first.
(Camera zooms out, Thor standing in the center of the ring.)

Cue Cowboys
Intro   
Under the lights....Ours to have          
Spread the word... Turn back
You see us coming... We’re the Cowboys from Hell Thor shoots out the lights
Camera outside the thunderdome, pieces blowing off, finally the top explodes off, crashes down, thunderdome explodes
Cowboys finishes

Camera returns to the ring. Thor holds up his finger, blows the smoke away, tips his hat. Zeus is looking fried, the ref is toasted

Ref
         Look what you did! You’ve destroyed the Thunderdome and brought your battle to earth! You freaks! I oughta
(Camera cuts to the Fates)

Fate I
         Time?

Fate II
         String?

Fate III
         What?

Fate II
         Come on, sister! Get with the program!

Fate I
         Where is the TV anyway?

Fate III
         I thought you had it.

Fate II
         I’ve got it. Got the skissors?

Fate I
         Right here.
Reaches over her shoulder, pulls out this massive pair of scissors, 10 feet minimum.
Camera cuts back the ref, berating Thor and Zeus.

Zeus
         Do you think you’re immortal or something, Ref?

Ref
         You know what, prancyman, i do! How about that? I’m immortal and you can’t touch me! So there, hippy!

Thor
         (To Zeus) You wanna blast him or should I?

Zeus
         On three, we’ll go so there’ll be no screw ups.
Cuts to the Fates.

Fate I
         Ready with them skissors, Sis?

Fate III
         Ready when you’ve got the string ready, Lady.

Fate II
         Get ready, this looks promising.

Fate III
         Do we get to see reruns later?

Fate I
         Of course, witch. Now, cut!
Camera freezes right before they cut the string, cuts back the ring.

Zeus
         One...

Ref
         You’ll never stop me, I am the real Thundergod!

Thor
         Two...

Ref
         I’ll bite your ankles off with my eyelids! You won’t be able to recognize yourselves when I'm done eating your faces off!

Zeus
         Three!
Camera shows the Ref getting zapped, Cuts to Fates, various body parts missing, stuck to the scissors, cut the string, Cuts to the Ring where Ref explodes. Fade out.

Fade in
Camera shows Loki, sitting on Sputnik with a video camera and a projector.

Loki
         Thor, you know you’re seeing the delayed relay, right?

Thor (Echoed up)
         What do you mean, delayed relay?

Loki
         It takes time for the camera to take the picture and project it onto the sky. Whoa!

Thor
         What?

Loki
         Something’s eating the moon!
Camera cuts to Thor and Zeus, standing on a hill, watching the moon disappear.

Zeus
         What the heck?
Moon disappears, Chinese dragon flies by, smiles at the gods and waves. Zooms in close.

China Dragon
         Hi, Mom! Look, I’m on TV!

Loki
         Get out of here, go home!
Dragon flies away, Thor watching, tapping his fingers.

Zeus
         What are you waiting for?

Thor
         That Chinese dragon should be over the North Sea, right about... Now!
Massive sea dragon rises up from the ocean, opens wide to swallow Chinese Dragon, sky goes blank.
Camera cuts to Loki, sitting on Sputnik, Words 5 minutes previous...
(Fiery light streaks behind him. Loki turns around, follows with his eyes.

Loki
         Hey, good lookin! (Turns around, huge rock formation slides on screen, towards him.) And, this must be your father! (Loki’s camera explodes.) Father Time, freeze those two things down there, and get me another camera! (Really old style video camera floats behind him.) On the double!
(Cuts back to Thor and Zeus)

Zeus
         Know what? That Chinese Dragon was pretty!

Thor
         What? Chinese dragons are wimpy! They’re long, and skinny, and can’t touch iron without dying! Our Norse Dragons are soo much better. Watch this!
(Sky lights up again, sepia projection, age lines and such, really corny violin music playing. Sea dragon swallows the chinese Dragon whole, sinks below the rim of the projection.)

Zeus
         That would have been really cool, if it wasn’t so old.
Cuts to Loki, sitting on Sputnik. Looks down at the satellite.

Loki
         What do we have here? (Camera focuses on Hammer and Sickle.) Well, I think Communism sucks, so there! (Licks his finger, rubs the symbol off the satellite.) Beat that, with a stick, Putin!
Cuts back to Thor and Zeus

Loki (Echoed)
         That’s all folks!
Thor and Zeus look at each other, smile, then start shooting lighting at each other. Three minutes of totally un choreographed lighting fighting. Lots of things have to blow up so it looks cool. Camera moves all over the place, it really doesn’t matter.

Flashback!
Zeus and Thor as kids, Zeus older, much older, pushing Thor around in slow motion. Cuts back to real Thor, getting madder and madder. 
This song HAS to be playing during the flashback!
“I love you, You love me, we’re a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won’t you say you love me, too?”

Ringing of Bell brings back to original battle. Loki swings through
Loki
         End of Round One! Thor wins by forfeit!
Fades out

Fade in, Zeus and Thor are sitting in wheelchairs across from each other in a park, both looking really old. Kids are playing in the background.

Zeus
Remember those days?

Thor
Yeah, you used to beat me up. (punches Zeus, fade to black as they fight.)