Loosing My Feelings, So Lost in Thought

I am loosing my senses with these feelings I feel
wanting to come home to what I perceive to be and heal
All the discrepancies and to you my thoughts
All the casualties and to you my heart.
I see it pumping and blood on the floor.
A simple pleasure it was just to feel it no more.
What a mess I made not with my death but my life.
Thats the reason I found it so easy to die
never had any real accomplishments
How could I have done any of this?
Try to remember but my thoughts are too weak
Dear Heavenly Father my soul please keep.
My heart has no life with out beating a final conquest
no witness no crime nothing to suspect?
With wicked eyes I don't believe in what I do see
the bludgeoning of my body as it lays still and before me
without wanting blame and in remorseful shame
My love in debt, too costly to be kept
shall refrain from the brutal remains
but come back to wreak havoc
for hatred I have foresaken
to become the awakened
hell is to be paid for the death love made
and to be taken by the scorn of a new woman re-born.