Pen of the Future Part 1

INT. HOUSE - DAY
An image flashes on the camera of an obtrusive wooden mask, which fills the screen. The camera stays on it for a second. Another image flashes of a painting hanging on a bright orange wall. The painting is of a woman sat provocatively on a sheet of silk but it is abstract art and the woman’s breasts have been dramatically increased in size. At this point Mike begins to narrate and throughout his narration the camera continues to flash between various bizarre and loud objects at one-second intervals.
MIKE
(voice over)
This is... oh, did you catch that. That were me mam. Beautiful wasn’t she? This wa me mam's house. I’d show you it all room by room like but I think this shows it you better; more detailed like. Anyway sometime last spring she popped her clogs an' ran off back to me dad again leavin' me wi' it. Well, what do you do? It were her pride an’ joy. She’d spent years getting it this good.
Image flashes of a plastic bottle sculpture that looks like it should have been made and painted by a small child though it clearly isn’t.
Of course, I couldn’t live in it on account of it being a house registered under my name. That and the fact that I’d probably get some form of obsessive-compulsive thing the way I am with this place. She’d...
Image flashes of Mike’s friend JOHN sat on the floor of a house smoking crack. The camera stays on him and he notices it, looks up and smiles, offering some to us. He waits a couple of seconds, shrugs his shoulders then has another toke.
Let me explain. See; I’ve been squatting for as long as I could remember. The people you meet, well, they sort of become like your brothers (pause) and you can’t go leaving your brothers now can you? Well, they’d trash this place so...
The camera steps over the threshold. The house is quite nice to say it is a squat but it still looks a little rough round the edges. There is a small gathering in progress and the opening credits play out to socialising over drinking games and someone snorting coke in the background.
CUT TO:

INT. SQUAT BATHROOM  - DAY
Mike is sitting in a large bathtub with paper strewn all around him. Inside the bathtub is spotlessly clean but the rest of the bathroom does not meet these high standards (though it is not dirty). He is barefoot and his shoes are placed on the floor in front of the bath directly in the middle. His used-to-be-white socks have been stuffed inside them. He is writing fervently but gets stressed and takes a bite at his pencil. He rubs his eyes and begins to write again. A smile slowly creeps across his face. Suddenly John bustles into the bathroom and slams the door shut.
JOHN
Soz Mike.
He goes over to the toilet and starts to pee. Mike appears unperturbed by this but stops working. He smiles at John.
MIKE
I’ve finished it john. I’m done. A whole year but I’ve finally done.
JOHN
I never thought I’d see the day.
MIKE
All I need now is a prototype.
John points to the papers in the tub.
JOHN
I didn’t much think that looked like a self-inflating balloon.
He zips up and turns to face Mike.
JOHN
One question.
MIKE
Yep.
JOHN
Why would anyone want a self inflating balloon?
MIKE
(quickly)
Shutup.
JOHN
How much is that gonna cost ya then?
MIKE
Well that’s the problem, see. I need quite a bit. Around eight hundred quid.
JOHN
Oh (pause) I tell you what mike. I’ve needed a car for a while. Yours still drivin'?
Mike nods
I’ll buy yours off you then. Deal?
Mike is surprised.
MIKE
Yeah, quality.
JOHN
Right then.
He pulls a joint out of his pocket and sparks up. He opens the door and walks out slamming it shut. Mike sits in shock.
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INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
POV of someone walking along a corridor where men and women in suits and brylcreem rush along looking important. The corridor ends with a door numbered 201. There is a frosted window but shapes can be distinguished of people inside. The camera enters the room and Mike is stood in a hired suit on a small room in front of five people sat in a row behind a table. The first one is a FAT WOMAN, the other four are men. Behind them the back wall is entirely made of glass and people can be seen busily working. One person is watching Mike through the wall.
MIKE
And that’s about all you need to know (pause) think of what it could...
The woman interrupts
FAT WOMAN
No. No, thank you. No way. There is absolutely no way whatsoever that this will ever make any money.
Mike opens his mouth to speak but is shot down
FAT WOMAN
No.
This has a domino effect on the group as the ‘no’ passes down the line to the very last man. Mike sighs.
FADE TO:

INT. MORRISONS - DAY
Mike is sat behind a till in Morrison’s swiping groceries through for a middle-aged woman. The LADY is packing the items herself but he passes her a tin of tuna and she stops and inspects it seriously.
LADY
Oh no. I didn’t mean this one at all. I was wanting it in brine.
         (To Mike)
Do you have this in brine?
Mike sighs and looks blankly at the lady. He is not a happy Mike. He leans over to the microphone without taking his eyes off her. He looks extremely bitter. He takes a deep breath
MIKE
Jill to till six please. That’s Jill...
(He sighs)
To till six.
CUT TO:

EXT. WAKEFIELD TOWN CENTRE - DAY
A back street. It is midday so there is no traffic. All of a sudden a great chug noise is heard and an old ford escort in poor condition comes chugging round the corner accompanied by a heavy guitar riff. John is at the wheel of the car and is extremely paranoid. His eyes, bulging, dart from left to right as he keeps his head low. A large fish tank rests on the backseat with six or so tropical fish inside but it is in no real danger of breaking because the car is not travelling at any real speed. He is sweating and rubs his brow, looking up as he does so and noticing an OLD LADY walking down the road. At the same moment she spots him and begins the wave. The music scratches to a halt.
OLD LADY
John! Johnny dear, how are you?
John pretends not to hear her at first but he cannot ignore her, mainly because she is travelling at a similar speed to him. He stops and winds down the window a touch but still tries to keep his head low and forward.
JOHN
I’m fine gran, you?
OLD LADY
Oh I’m well, I’m well. it’s been one of those days...
JOHN
Gran I can’t stop. I’m busy
He tries to pull away but she glares at him.
JOHN
Sorry. See you later.
She leans over to kiss him but he pulls away, looking even more shifty and nervous than before. The music returns and he floors it, gripping on to the steering wheel tightly but the car still curb crawls.

INT. SQUAT KITCHEN - DAY
TINKLE, one of Mike’s closest friends, is in the kitchen preparing a meal. She is cooking skilfully. A commotion can be heard somewhere else in the house and Mike bursts in and slumps into a chair, sprawling himself out over the table in a very dramatic and over exaggerated fashion. He groans loudly. She looks up from her cooking but continues to chop.
MIKE
Everything stinks.
TINKLE
Awww... poor you.
She stops cooking and goes over to him and gives him a hug.
MIKE
My ideas stink... I mean come on, an inflatable balloon? What was I thinking? Er, hello? Just blow it up yourself. Ok? Yeah... it takes about three seconds.
TINKLE
At parties people need a lot of balloons.
MIKE
(shouts)
Then maybe they should hire some balloon men!
(beat)
They’ll be cheaper, and faster, and probably dressed quite cute
TINKLE
How you holding up?
He stares at her and holds his arms open, signalling that it’s self evident.
TINKLE
(continues)
I can’t believe he did that
(pause)
How was work?
MIKE
Kev asked me if you could work this afternoon.
TINKLE
Shit. You told him no right.
MIKE
I said I’d ask you.
TINKLE
Them kitchens make me cry.
MIKE
They said as head chef you should be in more than you are anyway.
TINKLE
Head chef... like Morrison’s café deserves a head chef...
MIKE
Wait, what do you mean? Who did what?
TINKLE
John.
Mike stares blankly at her.
TINKLE
(astonished)
You don’t know? I thought you knew. He robbed the fish shop down portabella.
MIKE
What?
TINKLE
It’s true. He’s robbed like, some really expensive tropical fish.
MIKE
How expensive?
TINKLE
At least five numbers, possibly six.
MIKE
What!?
TINKLE
Yeah. And he drove off in your car. No one’s seen him since.
MIKE
I’m not surprised; he’s probably still on the way home.
TINKLE
Maybe.
CUT TO:

INT. PLANE - DAY
John is sat in what appears to be a first class seat on a plane. He stretches out his legs and smiles. Looking out of the window we see England for a brief second before it disappears into a cloud.
CUT TO:

INT. SQUAT LIVING ROOM - DAY
Tinkle is watching the TV. Her boyfriend, IKEA, is sat on the floor with Mike’s balloon on his head inflating. Mike walks into the room and glances knowingly at Tinkle, who looks a little embarrassed. He walks into the kitchen and Tinkle follows him. He pours himself a drink.
MIKE
Is this the new one then?
TINKLE
Please be nice.
MIKE
(feigning interest)
What’s his name?
TINKLE
Ikea.
He tries not to smile but she can tell.
TINKLE
Shut up.
MIKE
No, it’s nice. I like it. It’s just, well
(He sniggers)
Did he come as he is or did you have to assemble him yourself?
TINKLE
Very funny.
MIKE
I bet he’s missing a nut. They always do.
She pushes him playfully and they laugh. They walk back into the room and sit down on the sofa. Ikea sees them and takes the balloon off his head.
IKEA
Well it’s strange, I’ll give you that... I like it.
MIKE
Cheers. I’m Mike.
IKEA
I know. I’m...
Tinkle’s mobile starts to ring and he stops passing it her. She looks at the screen then answers it.
TINKLE
Hi mum. You alrightʔ
(pause)
Yeah. She said something about it the other day... whatʔ that’s well posh... yeah definitely.
(to Ikea)
Pen, quick.
IKEA
I’ve got one somewhere
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a yo-yo and a yellow wallet. He digs deeper and pulls out a bright yellow pen with his name on it in blue. He hands it to her and as she takes it she looks at it. She looks back at him, confused.
IKEA
I’ve had it since it was six...it’s never run out. It’s my lucky pen.
Tinkle begins to write the number down but almost immediately the pen stops working.
TINKLE
It’s run out.
She throws it on the floor and Mike hands her a pen. She writes the number down.
TINKLE
Alright cheers mum, bye.
She puts the phone down.
TINKLE
(continued)
Da Sandro’s are looking for a head chef.
IKEA
My pen!
MIKE
I could make a pen that never ran out.
TINKLE
No you couldn’t.
MIKE
I could! I bet you.
TINKLE
Why don’t you then?
MIKE
I will.
TINKLE
No you wont.
MIKE
You wont even apply for that job.
TINKLE
I will.
MIKE
And I’ll make that pen. You’ll see.
He gets up and goes toward the door
TINKLE
No we wont.
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