Voodoo

Voodoo

I look up to you because you let me down.

The girl pulled the book toward her. With one hand, she clicked on her pen, with the other, she ran her fingers through her hair. Her pen twirling, she pondered about what she was about to write. Then, very carefully, as if the fragile words would escape and vanish, she pressed the tip of the pen to the paper.
Into the piece of paper she poured her thoughts, her emotions and her secrets. Putting speech into writing, thoughts into statement, words into sentences.
She was crying when she wrote this.
It was 11:10.
She started writing.

Mitsuko would die to see Aki. Just to get a glimpse of him, just to see him smile, just to hear him speak.

He was using her, using her like a doll, using her as a toy of emotions. She felt what he wanted her to feel.
A doll.
A voodoo doll.
Open your eyes look and see for yourself…
She refused to believe that. She refused to see. Blinded by lust, she continued to be tormented.

Mitsuko walked along side Aki. A chance that didn’t come often.
“You swear too much Aki,” Mitsuko joked. 
“Since when did I start caring about what a random think about me?” He replied.
Mitsuko laughed, “Yeah, when have you ever heard of Aki being nice before?”
Not to me…that’s for sure…
“Why do I have to be nice to someone that I barely know? What will they do for me in my lifetime?”
Because I can do something for you…
“That’s a bit strange coming from you…”
“A BIT STRANGE COMING FROM ME? YOU DON’T EVEN ****ING KNOW ME. HOW WOULD YOU ****ING KNOW WHAT’S STRANGE OR WHAT’S NOT COMING FROM ME?”
Mitsuko was shocked at these words. Every one of these words was a slap to her face.
I love a person that I don’t know?
She backed away from this sudden outburst.
“You really hate me don’t you Aki?”
Like you didn’t know that already…
Mitsuko braced herself, eyes closed and waited for the reply….
…A reply that never came.
She hesitated to open her eyes.
Look, see for yourself…
He was already walking away.

Silence…
What did silence mean?
You knew what it meant…
Why didn’t he answer me?
He hates you, you knew that.
Yes. Yes, I guess I did…
Silence…
He hates me.
If it makes him happy…
Give up…
If he’s happy, then why not?
I…
Love someone who hates me…
Making him happy…my deepest desire.

Mitsuko was having an inner battle of herself. She was in two halves.
One half was jumping off a cliff. One half was clinging on.

Voodoo…
An ancient religion of Africa. Voodoo dolls were used to represent the spirit of a specific person. You can address the doll as if you were talking to that person , requesting a change in attitude, influencing the person to act in accordance with your wishes, your desires. You can perform a simple but effective ritual to fulfill a specific dream, an urgent desire.
The art of voodoo has mystical powers.

And they passed each other as a pair of parallel lines, not seeing, not thinking, not knowing.
Look at him, look at him!
Both were aware of each others presence but yet they walked on, face turned away and eyes downcast.
For god’s sake just look at him!
Tears, clear as crystal yet hidden with unimaginable sorrow, slowly formed and rolled down Mitsuko’s cheeks. She raised a hasty hand to brush them away.
LOOK!
Unable to control herself, she broke into a run
GIVE IN!
The thoughts fell behind, cheated of its victim.
If only one day, the lines will cross.
She knew this was impossible. Parallel lines don’t cross.

All Mitsuko ever wanted was for him to be happy.

It was 2:04 when she finished writing this. Gingerly, she folded up the pieces of paper. She then ripped her story, her hours of work into shreds of meaningless scrap. Then, she stood and threw the shreds into the fire. She watched the fire engulf and devour her past. She watched as her memories shrivel and crumble. As the last dying embers faded away, she slid to the ground genteelly. She tried to smile but what appeared was a distorted twitch of the lips.
Memories cannot be destroyed…
What happened cannot change…
She finished writing at 2:04.
She was still crying.