Smile

Smile

Sometimes, he smiles
And my heart stumbles, caught off guard
While my face struggles to control itself,
To show no glimpse of what goes on inside

And sometimes, I smile back
For I am happy to be with him
But often, sadness lurks beneath
Because I know he does not only smile for me

At night, there is a burning
My soul crawls up and rests inside my throat
My mask dissolves and I cry tears
That taste like melted shame and disappointment

The dreams come while I sleep
And bring relief and happiness
But they are bittersweet
Because vapors of ecstasy cannot get me through the day

I try to use some reason
To shield myself from foolishness
But somehow, I get tangled once again
Inside the web, the trap of his innocent ignorance

The days are just as hard
My head is clouded with the thoughts
I know I should not have
They whisper in the corners of my mind

Each time they ask “How are you?”
I want to cry out loud
But I know I cannot do that
And the knowledge sears my soul

Often, when I’m with him
I ache to tell him how I feel
But now I see it is too late
So I swallow my lump of mottled adoration once again

Sometimes, he smiles
And I want so badly to pretend it’s just for me
And I wrestle with myself before I say
“Hello…” and smile back