Daddy's Girl - Chapter 6

Driving seventy miles an hour down the freeway, Cheryl tried to stay focused on the road and the cars around her. Her hands gripped the steering wheel as she glanced in her rear-view mirror and saw that a bright red semi-truck was following her too close. She pushed down on the accelerator to speed up a little, hoping to put some room between her and the monstrous truck behind her. “Back off!” She yelled as though the driver behind her could hear, seeing that he continued to be uncomfortably close to her car. Seeing her exit wasn’t more than a mile away, she merged to the lane to the right and watched for the exit ramp. The red semi sped past her and she watched as the dust and debris got caught up in the gust of wind left behind the speeding truck. Seeing the exit, she let the car slow without using her brake and could see the hospital to her left.

Pulling into a parking spot in front of the hospital, she took a few minutes to smoke and drink the cup of coffee she ignored while driving. She watched as an elderly man pushed who she assumed was his wife out the door in a wheel chair. The woman looked up at him and smiled, then turned to pull the blanket over her legs. Cheryl smiled as she watched him push her to a near-by bench. He turned her chair so she would be able to face him as they talked and took a few moments to share alone outside the hospital. Cheryl wondered what caused the woman to be a patient at the hospital and if they were as happy as they appeared.

Taking one last drink of coffee, Cheryl put her cigarette out in the ashtray and prepared to go see her dad. She wondered while she walked into the hospital how he was, hoping there would be some improvement. When she last saw him, he drifted in and out of sleep, not staying awake for more than twenty or thirty minutes. It had been a couple of days since her last visit and she struggled with her guilt for not being there more often. She knew her brothers and sister would never set foot in the hospital to visit and felt she needed to compensate for their lack of concern for him. She wondered how long her aunt Sandy would be staying in town; she lived in Iowa, so she had to be longing to go home and be with her husband.

After a swift ride in the elevator, the doors opened and Cheryl stepped out. She could see the nurses behind the desk, some on the phone, some reading patient charts. She walked to her father’s room and saw him sitting in a chair with a white blanket draped over his legs. “Hi, dad! It’s good to see you sitting up today. How are you?” Smiling as she walked over to him, she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

As his brown eyes looked at her, she thought she could see a sparkle in them. The corners of his mouth turned up to a weak smile as he lifted his hand to wave. Although he tried, he couldn’t say hello in return, but his smile and the light in his eyes told her he was glad to see her. As she looked at him, she could see some of the color returned to his cheeks. His face was clean-shaven and his graying hair was combed back. Looking around the room, she felt a pang of sadness at the lack of any cards or flowers from his friends and family. She decided she would take some time to go to the gift shop on the first floor and buy him a plant or something to give him something other than the cold, white walls to look at. She also decided he needed to have some pictures of his kids and grandkids, and knew she’d need some time that evening to put something appropriate together.

“Hmm…I see you’ve had some breakfast, but you didn’t finish this lovely looking meal, dad.” Cheryl could see they had brought him a bowl of lumpy oatmeal with some canned peaches in a bowl on the side. It appeared he ate but half the oatmeal and the peaches were untouched. “Did you get enough to eat?”

His eyes lit up once again and he nodded yes. She had no doubt he didn’t care for the oatmeal and wondered if he even liked peaches. She couldn’t remember a time when her dad ate breakfast, but knew it had been many years since they shared the same home. She sat on the edge of the bed and searched her mind for something to say. She felt silly and self-conscious just sitting there looking at him.

“Did Sandy and Marlene come to see you yet today?” Cheryl looked and saw him shake his head again. “I wonder where they are. Oh well, this gives us some time alone together for a bit. Not much a view here for you, dad. You get to see the side of a building. Have you been out of the room at all?”

He shook his head no and tried to speak the word. Although he couldn’t, Cheryl saw it as a good sign that he was trying.

“I’m sorry I didn’t make it here yesterday, I wanted to come, but was way too tired to drive down here. I hope Sandy and Marlene kept you company for the day. I talked to the others. They send their best wishes but told me to tell you they wouldn’t be able to come down.” Cheryl knew it was a lie, but she didn’t think it would hurt anything. She could see the light in his eyes when she said it, so she figured it was better to fib than to tell him they just didn’t care. Cheryl made small talk for awhile, watching for his nods and listening when he attempted to talk. It wasn’t long before a nurse walked into the room.

“Hi, Ernie…we’re going to put you back to bed for awhile. You must be getting a bit tired. You have physical therapy this afternoon, so you’ll want to take a nap and get some rest.” The nurse turned and looked at Cheryl. “He’s doing pretty well today; he’s been sitting up in his chair now for almost an hour without too much pain. Who are you?”

“I’m his daughter, Cheryl. I’m glad he’s doing better. He looks better than when I was here last week, not so pale.” Cheryl looked at the nurse then back at her dad. “Dad, I’ll let you get some rest for a little bit. I’m going down to get a cup of coffee and then I’ll be back. Don’t worry if you fall asleep, I’ll just sit here with you for awhile.” Cheryl smiled and kissed her dad’s cheek again. As she looked at him, his eyes had the same sparkle they did when she first walked in the room.

“Okay, honey. See you later.” The nurse looked at her and smiled. “Ernie, let’s get you back to bed.” Cheryl glanced at the nurse and winked at her dad and left the room to give him privacy. She thought it might be embarrassing for him to have her watching as he was helped into bed.

Cheryl wandered down to the gift shop and looked around for something appropriate to give to her dad. After looking at almost every plant and bouquets of flowers, she settled on a small plant instead of flowers, thinking he could take it home with him when he finally left the hospital. She bought a helium-filled balloon with the words “Get Well Soon” to go with the plant and filled out a little card. “I love you, dad” was all she wrote. After paying for her selections, she asked if they could be held for a few minutes or perhaps delivered to the room, and the shop assistant agreed to have them delivered to the room.

Cheryl wandered outside to the same park bench the elderly folks were at when she first arrived. She lit a cigarette and found herself glad she hadn’t run into Sandy or Marlene yet. She enjoyed the short visit she had with her dad and didn’t feel like making small talk with the two women today. After finishing her cigarette, she went back into the hospital and back to her dad’s room.

She found him there, lying in bed, appearing to be asleep. She sat on the chair next to the bed and looked at him. She watched him while he slept and wondered what he thought about when he was awake. Did he think back as she did, about their past, their history together? Did he ever find himself wishing he could do it all over, do things differently? She wondered if he found peace with his life, with his actions, with his choices. She remembered a time when his life was a mess and he had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn. She remembered that time as a turbulent time, for her, her dad, her mother, and the new man in her mother’s life.

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Sitting on the sofa, Cheryl was watching Gilligan’s Island on television. Hearing a knock at the door, she hesitated for a few seconds before getting up to answer it. “Get that Cheryl, don’t just sit there and wait for me to come out there!” Cheryl stuck her tongue out at her mother as she got up to open the door.

“Dad!” Cheryl said with excitement in her voice. “What are you doing here?” Cheryl grinned from ear to ear at the sight of her dad; she hadn’t seen him for almost a month, ever since they moved out of the house and into the two bedroom apartment in another town.

“Came to see my girl, of course!” Ernie smiled as he said it, gently putting his hand under her chin while leaning down to give Cheryl a quick kiss on the forehead. “Is your mother home?”

“Yeah, she’s home.” Cheryl said with disappointment. “Mom…dad wants to talk to you.” she yelled as she turned and walked back to the sofa. Cheryl sank into the sofa and pretended to watch TV as her mother walked out to the living room.

“What the hell are you doing here, Ernie?” Barb demanded. “You could’ve called to let me know you were coming.”

Cheryl looked at her mother. “He said he came to visit, mom.”

“I didn’t ask you, young lady, so mind your own business.” Barb chastised Cheryl then turned her attention back to Ernie.

“I’m here to visit. I need a favor, Barb. I’m stuck. I need some help.” Ernie looked at her then looked down at the floor. “I don’t have anywhere to sleep until Friday, that’s when I can move into my apartment. You mind if I stay here for a couple nights?”

“You know John is staying here, Ernie. If you can handle sleeping on the floor, I don’t care. Cheryl sleeps on the couch, so the floor is the best I can do.” Barb said. “Want some coffee?” Barb walked into the small kitchen. Pulling two cups out of the cupboard, she poured them each a cup. They sat at the small table in the tiny dining area next to the kitchen.

“I know you’re with John now, Barb. I just need a place to crash for a couple nights, then I’ll be out of your hair.” Lifting his cup, Ernie glanced over at Cheryl as she sat on the couch. “Did you hear that, honey? Your ol’ dad can stay for a couple days! Won’t that be fun?”

“Yeah, dad. That’s great.” Cheryl smiled at her father, hoping her voice didn’t betray the mixed emotions she suddenly felt well up inside her. At twelve years old, Cheryl knew what fun was and how they would have it. Although she was excited and happy to see him, Cheryl suddenly felt disappointed that he would be staying there, even if it was for only a couple of nights. She thought about John and how he would feel when he discovered her father would be staying there, wondered if he would be angry.

“Where are the others?” Ernie asked as he looked around. “This place is kind of small for all of you, don’t you think, Barb?” Aside from the too small kitchen and tiny dining area, the main living space of the apartment didn’t look big enough to accommodate a family of six, let alone the two extra guests. A small black and white television sat in the corner of the room with an easy chair not more than three feet away from it. The old, worn sofa sat against the back wall of the room, with an end table on each side. A bookshelf sat on the opposite end of the room, with little knick-knacks sparsely decorating the four shelves.

“It’s the best I can do for now, Ernie. Did you come here to criticize? If you don’t like it, you know where the door is.” Barb turned her attention from Ernie to Cheryl. “Cheryl, we’ll have to have a hot dish tonight, so take a couple pounds of hamburger out of the freezer if you can tear yourself away from the TV long enough.”

As Cheryl got up and walked to the kitchen, she felt her dad’s eyes watch her. She was suddenly aware of how she was dressed and felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment. She folded her arms across her chest, trying to hide the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra. She begged her mother to buy her one after getting teased by one of the boys in school, but her mother told her she was still flat as an iron and had no need for one. Although Cheryl knew she wasn’t too developed yet, she knew her tiny breasts were obvious when she wore the shirts she had outgrown months before.

“So my little girl is going to cook supper tonight, huh?” Ernie’s eyes sparkled as they watched Cheryl move about the kitchen.

“Yeah, she is. All she’s done all day is watch television, so it won’t hurt her.” Barb looked over at Cheryl. “Make sure there’s enough macaroni, too. If there isn’t, you’ll have to walk to the store to get some. I know we have everything else.”

Cheryl looked inside the half-empty cupboard and prayed she wouldn’t see any macaroni. Getting out of the apartment to walk to the store would be a welcome relief. Moving around some cans and boxes, Cheryl looked at her mom. “Nope, there’s none there.”

“Get my purse, you can go and get some.” Barb waited until Cheryl came back with the purse. She pulled out two one-dollar food stamps. “Here, take these and get a big box of macaroni. You know what kind I want. Don’t be pokey about it, either.”

“Okay.” Cheryl put her shoes on and headed to the store. She walked slowly, arms folded across her chest again in case any of the kids in the neighborhood were outside playing.

“Cheryl, Cheryl! Wait!”

Turning around, she saw her older brother Bob running to catch up with her. “What do you want? Does mom know you’re with me?”

“Yeah, I ran in and told her I was walking with you. Whatcha getting at the store?” Bob said while trying to catch his breath.

“I gotta get macaroni for hot dish tonight. Did you see dad?” Cheryl looked over at Bob while they walked.

“Yeah, what’s he doing there?” Bob asked.

“I guess he’s staying with us for a couple of nights, his apartment isn’t ready.” Cheryl looked straight ahead while she talked, she didn’t want Bob to know she wasn’t happy about it.

“Cool! Well, he can’t sleep with us, there’s already three of us in that little bedroom. Where’s he going to sleep?” Bob bent and scooped up a rock while he walked and threw it across the field.

“On the living room floor…I sleep on the couch, so that’s the only place left. Mom isn’t gonna let him sleep in her room.” Cheryl felt a lump rise in her throat and wished they could change the subject.

“Oh, okay. Well, I hope your snoring doesn’t keep him awake all night!” Bob started laughing.

“Shut up! I don’t snore!” Cheryl laughed with him; she knew it was his feeble attempt to make a joke.

“Yes you do. You snore like mom.”

They joked all the way to the store and back home. Cheryl was glad Bob walked with her and gave her something to laugh about. Once home, Cheryl brought the macaroni in the kitchen, putting it in the cupboard until it was time to make supper. Her mom and dad were sitting at the table still, but each having a bottle of beer rather than the coffee they were drinking when she left. Her mom almost looked happy talking to him.

It wasn’t more than an hour later when John was home from work. He had a look of surprise when he saw Ernie sitting at the table, talking with Barb. “Where’s my beer?” he said as he sat down.

“I’ll get you one.” Ernie got up and pulled another beer out of the refrigerator. Handing it to John, he sat down and looked at him. “I have no grudges; I just need a place to crash for awhile. I promise I won’t cause any trouble here, John.” Ernie looked the man who once was his friend and offered his hand to John.

“If Barb is okay with you staying here, who am I to argue?” John looked at Ernie, shook his hand, then took a long drink of his beer.

They sat there for hours while Cheryl made and served supper to them and the kids. She cleared the table and did the dishes while they joked and laughed together. Her brothers were outside, playing with trucks in the field across the yard while Kathy played with her dolls on the living room floor. Cheryl finished sweeping the floor and looked at them. “Anyone want anything?” she asked.

“Why don’t you just go watch TV right now, and leave us alone. You don’t need to hear everything that’s being said here. You’ve been hanging around here all night listening to our conversation, now get.” Barb snapped at Cheryl.

Cheryl sat down and watched TV. After a couple of hours, she got the little ones ready for bed and put on her pajamas. Although she wanted to stay awake, her eyes were heavy and she couldn’t keep them open. She laid her head on the pillow and fell asleep to the noise of the TV and the three adults carrying on at the table.

“Baby, shhh…c’mon honey, wake up. It’s just me, daddy.”
Cheryl half-opened her eyes and saw her dad’s face inches away from hers. She could smell a combination of beer and whiskey on his breath as he whispered to her. “Dad, I’m tired. Go to sleep.” She could see the apartment was dark with only the light from the entrance outside peeking in through the curtains.

“I am honey, I am. God, I’ve missed you baby, I’ve missed my little girl.” His hands stroked her hair while he talked. “C’mon down here baby, while I fall asleep, let me just hold you for awhile.”

Cheryl shut her eyes tightly, wishing she were someone else, somewhere else other than where she was. Slowly, she let herself be pulled to the floor while he wrapped his arms around her. Her stomach felt sick, her mind raced wondering if everyone was asleep or if she’d get caught. He moved over her, and she tried to push him off. His heavy breathing assaulted her nostrils with the stench of alcohol while his hands groped and fondled her body. She could feel him pulling her bottoms off and felt a fear in the pit of her stomach she never felt before. He said nothing as his knee went between her legs, spreading them as he forced his way inside her.

She felt a pain rip through her body unlike any she’d ever known. Stifling a cry from the back of her throat, she turned her head as she felt him pushing his way further into her. His grunts as he moved only sickened her more as she lay there, willing it to stop, praying to something, someone, to rescue her. Tears streamed down the side of her cheek as the man she thought loved her seemed to forget she was there, only thinking of his own pleasure as he inflicted the searing pain. He didn’t feel her sobs beneath his weight, nor did he hear as she whispered, “Stop, daddy, you’re hurting me.” Finally, she felt the final thrust, more painful that any other and she could hear his stifled gasp of release. He rolled off her without a word, leaving her there with no words of remorse or regret.

She crawled back onto the sofa, her hair wet from her tears. She was ashamed, embarrassed and hurt. She knew what just happened and she hated him, she hated herself for letting it happen. She put her face in the pillow and sobbed.

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She looked at her dad as he slept peacefully, and suddenly needed to escape. She left without a word to anyone, watching the floor as she walked. In her car, she grabbed her pack of cigarettes and lit one, deeply inhaling as though that would erase the memories she wanted so desperately to forget. She didn’t cry as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. “You’re okay,” she told herself, “you’re not a little girl, and you’re not that girl anymore. You’re going to be fine.” She started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. She needed to go home.