The Absynthe Diaries

The Absynthe Diaries - Chapter One

I don’t remember much of what happened to me on that fateful day. I remember being overcome by this all powerful numbness that took over my entire body all the way into my very core. All thoughts had ceased in my mind as I drove down the road that blustery February day in a complete trance. I don’t even think I had enough wherewithal to fight the sudden impulse that made the muscles in my arms twitch. The car veered sideways angrily, violently. I remember hearing as the wooden guide rails on the bridge cracked and let the car right through their penetrable gate. Every moment was a flash in my mind now, all going in slow motion in a series of vivid internal photographs.

My world had long since ceased being full of color. Now as I plunged towards the water I still saw everything only in black and white. Nothing was real. I wasn’t even inside my body. My soul never raised one warning, one fight, I just watched as the car tumbled down into the river. It had been unusually warm and the ice was thin, allowing the car to crash right through and be swallowed up by the fierce river below.

As the car filled up with the frigid life stopping water I still didn’t struggle. I just sat and watched and before I knew it the water was over my head. My lungs drew in one cold watery breathe and suddenly my entire chest burst out in pain like thousands of ice cold daggers stabbing me from the inside out. Still I didn’t struggle. I sucked in the water like sweet poison waiting for my final long sought after release. It wasn’t long before all I saw was black.

The blackness didn’t last. I was a fool to hope I could be rewarded by eternal unconsciousness. Instead I felt hands grip my clothes and tear me out of the car. I watched as I slipped out the window. I was too weak to struggle. I heard and felt the swooshing of water all around me, dancing, swirling, whisking me upwards. I heard someone scream and realized it was me. I saw the sun shining down from the ice and water above and in that moment I saw a divine shade of blue. What a wondrous color! I thought I had reached Heaven!

As I reached the surface of the water I gasped like a baby being born for the first time and it was the great aching and coldness within myself that made me realize I was not in Heaven, I was still on earth. I had been driven to the brink of madness, into complete financial, social, and moral ruin and now - now I wasn’t even allowed to end it all! No, whatever had followed me all these years didn’t want me to die. It wanted me to live so it could toy with me like a cat with a half-dead hobbling mouse. She was here, I know she was. As I looked back at the angry torrent of water I’d just been torn from I realized only I would ever know this simple truth. You see no one could see her. She was dead and has been for years. I couldn’t even see her in my waking hours but she haunted all my dreams and followed me wherever I went.

I spread out eagle over the snow bank hoping above all hope I’d freeze there, and there was nothing she could do about it, but I was disappointed as usual. Someone had seen the car plunge off the bridge and in minutes someone was dragging me off to the hospital. Sweet Death had again forsaken me.

Editor's Note: For anyone interested in seeing the rest of this manuscript I am looking for an editor before publishing this in traditional book format. Comments very appreciated either way!