Never Before

Never before
had I been so stupid
with my words
Oh, how they hurt you

If only I could go back
and have a second chance
maybe things would be different
perhaps you would still be alive

I have never forgiven myself
for being part of the cause
almost like it was I
that made you die

My regret is unfathomable
like a deep abyss
and I always ask myself
Why did I say those things

Others have said it wasn't my fault
that it was only a coincedence
But I know better
I know the truth

I killed you
with the only weapon
that I own
My words

If only I had said
I Love You
rather than
what I said

Maybe then
you would still be alive
One little lie
could have saved your life

Yet instead
I chose to tell the truth
How was I supposed to know
That truth could kill

Now I wish
Night and day
that my life is a dream
and I will wake up

On that Tuesday
and when you ask
how I feel about you
My reply would be

I Love You dear
and even though I lied
you would still be alive
and that is the most important thing of all

Sadly
I still have never woken from this dream
you are still dead
and I still have said

That which I regret
If only I could take it back
You would still be alive
Oh how I hate myself

And all the crazy, messed up things that I have said
to you especially
Why did I say it
Why did I kill you

If only I knew
I could begin to repent
Yet how do you repent
something that was never intended

To be the bane of your exsistence
The guilt is unbearable
so is the pain
to know that you are dead

When I really should be dead
Why did the good person die
Why couldn't I have died
Why if only

If only
I had said
when you asked
I Love You dear