My New NyQuil

My birthday present this year was a new bed. 18'' thick, double pillowtop queen mattress. Sounds like a dream right? Yeah, it was. I loved that bed. I was addicted. When I woke up in the morning and ran out of things to do, I just went back to bed and layed there for the rest of the day, not doing anything, not even sleeping. Just laying there. Absolutely awesome bed.

Now, that bed is not where I feel like I should be. I can't sleep in it. I learned that for someone in love, it's not the bed that helps you sleep at night. It's the knowledge that not even a foot away from you is someone that cares for you and will always protect you. Sometimes, even if he's not in the bed with me, I'm able to sleep because I know he's going to come home and crawl in next to me and wrap his arms around me for the rest of the night. This is my new NyQuil.

I had the worst nightmare of my life tonight. That's not an exaggeration either, it WAS the worst. I dreamt that he and I and some other girls (no idea who they were but I do know one of them was a shemale) were in a car and going to a hotel for the night. We parked in the parking lot and he told me to get out and for some reason I took a long time. When I finally got out I saw the two girls running for the hotel and Jonas behind his car door shooting an automatic. I think he told me to run but I hid under the car next to us instead. Soon I got out and stole some guy's gun that he was pointing at Jonas and when I was crawling back to him, I heard a gunshot and saw him fall to the ground. I woke up crying seconds later and very out of breath. The worst part was he wasn't next to me in bed and he wasn't going to come home to me tonight. I was comepletely alone. I went back to sleep with the biggest stuffed animal I own but only got 2 hours that time. Now I'm dead tired but can't sleep a wink. I got up and took a shower and now here I am, writing.

I've never had this problem before. I can't stand being without him when I sleep. We don't even have to cuddle, I just want him next to me. I know I'll get over it after a bit but right now, it sucks! I don't know what to do with this. If I tell him, will I be clingy? I don't think so, cuz I need my space too. If I'm with him for too long I get really...I don't know the word for it. I start not caring about anything and I get really quiet and I don't smile. So I can't ALWAYS be with him. But like tonight, all I could think about was his arms around me and how that wasn't going to happen tonight, I was going to be alone. Is that clingy? I don't know what to do!!!

Another little note; I've noticed that I'm never warm when he's gone. I always feel like I have a fever. I just took the hottest shower I have ever taken and now I'm getting chills and tensing up from being cold.