12 ft 6 in UNDER

My steps echoed into the room as a hot wave of humidity and chlorine rushed over me.  I tried to take a breath but the chemicals made it hard to inhale.  It felt as if I was being choked from the inside out.  As I looked out into the water the fear returned to the pit of my stomach.  I thought I had conquered this last year.  I held my breath in 12 ft 6in water and let my self relax completely. I let myself go as if I didn’t care if I returned to the surface.  Slowly I sank to the bottom and then before I ran out of breath hands of hope slowly lifted me as the pressure took affect and slowly floated to the surface.  That was when I thought that I had gotten over it.  I trusted the pool that I wouldn’t drown, that the pressure would raise me to the surface.  I had thought I was cured but I was proved wrong as I looked back into the pool.  The length of it seemed like it would go on forever.  The deep end of course had more length to it then the shallow end.  I sat dreading the swimming test. 
I knew I could swim that wasn’t the problem at all.  It was the psychological problem that kept me as far away from the teacher as I could hoping she would miss me, but knowing she wouldn’t at least I could drag it out as long as possible.  I watched the others that were being tested.  Each one had a different technique some pounded the water into submission with their fists with fury.  Others would slap it, not really seeming to be affective just making a big splash.  The calmer ones could skim through the water silently as if they had all the time in the world.  Watching gave me some confidence, it didn’t look that hard.  All I would have to do is keep a level head and not stop, sounds simple.  I even began to think about volunteering to go, but others were in line so I sat in my towel on the cold floor.  Wishing I could disappear through the wall and go to any other class but this one.  Unfortunately I am not crafted in the art of magic so I was stuck like a sitting duck.  No where to go but the way I feared.  It wasn’t too long as my name was called it echoed through the large room making me cringe.  There was no escaping it I had to go.  I stood slowly and walked in front of everyone pulling down on my shirt to cover my butt; which I knew was hanging out from my swim suit and I didn’t need all the guys in my class to see it; to front of the pool.  I took a deep breath concentrating on clearing my mind and steadying my breathing.  I looked at the teacher for a second and then jumped into the water. 
It was such a cold shock I gasped, okay so this defiantly wasn’t getting any better.  I turned and faced the end of the lane planting it as my goal.  Before I knew it I started off moving it wasn’t fast, it was relaxed and easy.  All I thought about was moving I kept a rhythm nice n’ easy.  Before I knew it I had made it to the end but now I had to go back.  As I turned around and started the other way I was getting tired and I could feel it in my muscles.  Yet I stayed calm until I reached about the center then everything began to change.  I was really tired; I didn’t want to move on.  My legs were killing me and they seemed to have a mind of their own as they slowed and I began to sink.  This wouldn’t have been a problem if I was running because I was on solid ground and I could stop and catch my breath.  Suddenly I couldn’t breathe at all there was such a pressure on my chest that I began to choke.  For a min I recalled last year when I had this problem and wanted so badly to grab onto the lane lines and wrap myself around them like a little monkey because I was so scared out of my mind that I could have cried if I had been able to breathe.  I thought about it as my muscles gave out and I began to hyperventilate because I couldn’t breathe so I panicked I was moving slower and slower and I couldn’t control it.  I had no control of my body or my state of mind.  When it was all over I couldn’t even walk in the water my muscles were screaming in pain and shaking.  I felt like screaming it hurt sooo bad.  I made my way to the ledge breathing like I had run a marathon in great big breaths consuming as much air as I possibly could after being deprived of it.  Dan came up to me and asked if I was okay.  I nodded but my legs hurt so bad, and I am not a baby when it comes to pain I usually am fine with it. I can continue on even with a lot of pain.  Heck women are made to endure pain.  I could feel my pulse fluttering rapidly if trying to escape from its fleshy prison.  Then when my mind decided I was safe, because I was clinging to a solid concrete ledge.  I began to feel a familiar pain in my chest, a sharp burning that wouldn’t cease.  I immediately made myself relax because now I wasn’t worried about breathing I was worried about having a heart attack.  Slowly I relaxed and the pain went away, my chest was relieved. 
This felt like torture to my mind and my body.  That was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.  This fear is something that I really have to conquer so that I can finish this class and something I have to do for myself.